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SS4's birthday today!

SteppingUp's picture

Submitted by SteppingUp on Thu, 08/25/2011 - 3:37pm

Last week we asked BM if we could do a joint birthday party at Chuckie Cheese or something. She said "Um, that'd be awkward." FDH said, "Get over this already." and she said she'd think about it. We see her almost every day at daycare pick up/drop off. It's not like we don't interact with her on a regular basis. And she demanded to come to our house and hold my baby when he was born. How was THAT not awkward for her but this would be?

Tuesday night he asked her again. She said that she's not doing a bday party for him on his birthday, but HER family would be doing something on Saturday....obviously stating that we are indeed not doing a joint party. Okay, whatever. We've asked her two years in a row for both skids and she's the person refusing.

Today is SS's birthday, and daycare always throws parties for her kids' birthdays. The party starts in an hour and BM just called FDH and said, "Are you going to the party or should I?" He said, "Why can't we all go?" and she was reluctant. Then he said, "Sometimes you just have to suck it up and do what's best for your kids, BM!!!!!" She decided she will go.

We're not sure if she caught the "all" part of his sentence...so I'm thinking that she believes that I won't be there. But I will! With a smile on my face! Smile Show her that this is what parents do....even if it's awkward for you, you do what's best for the kids!!!

Comments

momSterto3abd3's picture

Submitted by momSterto3abd3 on Thu, 08/25/2011 - 4:06pm

Good for you, SteppingUp! I realize being a BM & now a SM it can be awkward? But I did attempt it a few times with DS25, his BioF & SM..when I hosted, they would decline or send regrets. When they hosted & invited? My whole clan came in support of DS25! But that was over 10 years ago & we're so over it...

purpledaisies's picture

Submitted by purpledaisies on Thu, 08/25/2011 - 4:08pm

I'm sorry but I disagree in the aspect that you have to have joint parties. We do NOT do them ever and never will!! When you get divorced there is never a reason to do things like together. Of course there is wedding and such but you still do not have to interact and at that point the kids are adults not kids.

Now I can see the school thing as it is a one time thing however I do think that the parents should have talked about it and decided who should go and if need be have a rotating schedule. meaning that every other year one or the other parent goes to the school for the bday.

As far as her wanting to hold your baby that is BAD idea! She should NOT have asked that. i can see why you would think that that was awkward and that if she was willing to do that that having a joint bday would not be as awkward.

And I really think you 2 should respect her wishes to not have a joint party. It is the way she feels. I don;t think it should be pushed on her if she doesn;t want to do it. not fair.

However I stand by what I said no joint parties. just my opinion.

nodramastepmama's picture

Submitted by nodramastepmama on Thu, 08/25/2011 - 4:19pm

I completly agree with you SteppingUp. Joint parties are a great idea because it's NOT ABOUT THE PARENTS. The parents feel awkward? Sure, but who the hell cares? It's not your birthday party is it? Now inviting your ex to YOUR party, that's weird. But having a joint party isn't! Put your differences aside, put on your big girl panties, and get over it for your CHILD! We do joint parties and it is NOT A BIG DEAL! BM2 hates me, yet we always have joint parties! So there you go .. just my opinion .. she doesn't want to do it? Fine, her loss... you and your FDH are the bigger people in the situation, so good for you!

overit2's picture

Submitted by overit2 on Thu, 08/25/2011 - 4:20pm

Not about insecurity-sometimes theres too much animosity.

Bf and I did one joint party w/BM at a neutral location-well she hosted we showed up (my kids also). This year we most likely will not if we have another invite.

My exh and I have had joint parties quite a few times-the last one was a disaster. We will not have joint parties again either.

It all depends on the relationship and how respectful of eachother they are, sometimes it's just not in the best interest of the kids to do joint.

If the mom felt uneasy or didn't want joint I would respect that honestly.

BSgoinon's picture

Submitted by BSgoinon on Thu, 08/25/2011 - 5:00pm

I think we could probably pull off a joint party if not for BM's dad and DH's mom. DH's mom and BM HATE each other. And BM's dad and stepmom HATE DH and I. Because of course DH "left his baby girl and broke her heart" blah blah blah. I am sure if we have 20 minutes alone with this guy he would know that we feel about her the same way HE does. We wish she would get a job, we wish she would grow up. JUST LIKE HE TELLS HER ALL OF THE TIME. LOL.

If we could do the joint thing, we probably would. There have been years that BM does NOTHING for SS on his bday, and that is just sad.

SteppingUp's picture

Submitted by SteppingUp on Fri, 08/26/2011 - 9:33am

Oh my! Crazy BM! Yes BM wanted to come to the hospital too and I was like HELL NO! My family and friends are allowed, and she is neither. I instructed FDH that he could allow her to drop off SD and SS to see the baby but that I didn't want her near me. He thought I was being unreasonable but I didn't care. No way in hell she would want me to see her in a hospital gown after giving birth so why was that any different?

Yes she HAD to come over to hold him...and she's held him since, but never in my precense. It drives me CRAZY.

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Fri, 08/26/2011 - 10:15am

I never did joint parties with son's dad. He hates to spend money and I go all out for DS. A joint party would just result in fights over $$.

If BM doesn't want a joint party, she shouldn't be forced into doing so.