I have been reading the comments after posting and now know I am not that bad of a SP. I am so glad I am not the only crazy one out there. As for the cold I moved for Michana area to Ks. cold not a problem will keep your offer in mind We have the boys tomorrow for family dinner night. I AM A GOOD COOK and if one more comment on what I cooked comes out of their mouth! Food my learn to fly. Maybe I should cook pork. Then they can say they have seen a pig fly :O About DH I really don't want to leave but I won't stand to be thrown under the bus ever time WE make a decision and then he is left alone with BM and we goes out the window. It makes me feel like s@@t.

Have to leave and go to my second job will check later tonight. Thanks guys for making this day bearable.

After reading about others and finding out I am not the w.w.west. Even though I really like the title. I now know I need to leave. I am not that stupid to think I can just pack and walk. I have sunk everything I have money wise into this so there is going to be some moving around before I can get out. In the mean time someone needs to stop me from beating the holy s@@t out of ss17,16&11. I will miss number 4 ss13. Him and really connected. OH!by the way about the room mate thing I come with 2 babies. My dogs. You will never have to bath again they will take care of it.

Finey your idea sounds great BUT I can't afford it. When I say I have sunk everything into this! I mean my entire retirement. The only thing I have left is what my parents left me and I will not touch that. Tonight was family dinner night. :sick: s17 was ordered by BM to be there since she had her a@@ rimmed by case mang. yesterday. He has not been there for 2 months. On Monday at case management she had to be ordered to get out of her SUV and talk to DH about boys. When DH at CM told BM to stop referring to me as "his female friend" and call me by @@@@@@@. CM ask who @@@@@@@ was. DH had to after 2yrs of marriage explain that @@@@@@@@ was his wife. Hello do I take up space or what? Anyway ss17,16,13,11,DH parents,DH and me had pizza that DH baked since I won't cook anymore and be told that is not the way BM cooks it. "Not sorry I COOK NOT MICROWAVE EVERYTHING" I peel potatoes not open box. ss16 use to like to cook with me then started to follow in ss17 path. When ss17 is not around we have a good weekend. He has been allowed to make the rules and tell everyone including BM what to do. She had to be ordered by the court to stop sleeping with ss11. I screamed "something is not right. OH!!! I don't take up space. Stupid me!! Here I go ranting again. Am I the only one that sees this and will not stand by and make up excuses just so I don't have to deal with it. I have a guilty feeling about leaving ss13 with these people. He and I talk, do stuff, garden together. I am I leaving him to the wolves? DAMN guilty feelings.

I have been reading more and more post from other step-parents and I luv you guys I was starting to think I was the person out of control. My son is not perfect BUT he is not doing drugs and drinks very little. "he is 24" He even (you did not hear this from me) living with a young lady that kinda reminds me of me :jawdrop: He wants to go back to college but wants his GF to finish her degree first since she is closest to finishing. There are still times I want to smack him but (and once again you did not hear this from me) I think he is on the right track. I still want to smack him, he doesn't call me enough. When did my little boy grow up?

Thanks guys, Thursday I had the headache from @@@@. I made chicken and dumplings, chicken and noodles and 2 different kinds of chicken salad (one the plain side the other I added diced green olives ad dices avocado. All from scratch. All from 8 chicken breast(SD's won't eat dark meat). Did I tell you guys I am so cheap. I know the the meals are good. My dad taught me to cook very well. All of them but Ss17 ate big bowls of chicken and noodle Friday night while I was in bed sleeping. Come to find out the headache was the start of the flu. Started throwing up Friday morning. Went to DR that afternoon she told me "to bed and stay there" Wouldn't it be revenge if they got it. :sick: Ss16 gave my strip throut. I took him to DR When BM refused Said she didn't have the money. She brings home $2400 from her job and she got the rental and gets $1500 every month from us. :jawdrop: Where the @@@@ is all that money going? :O Anyway after taking SS to DR and getting his meds then bring him home with me and staying up most of sat and Sunday night nursing him. He got better and right back to treating everyone like crap. Your welcome Ss16! Ss17 is up stairs I just heard him tell Dh the chicken salad is disgusting. The rest are eating toasted bread with chicsalad. Oh! just slammed his bedroom door. Ss17&16 are unhappy with me I kicked them out of the one room in this house that is mine. My sewing room/guestroom. I have retreated to the basement. 5 bucks Ss17 ask Dh if he can go down the street to MC for a hamburger. If he does he will disappear for hours or not come back at all. He has done that a couple of times in the past. Oh! will I am off to throw up chat later.

Just logged in and the advertisement was "meet adult people click here" Made me laugh. Think they are prepping us for the future?

DH just left to get a chess set. Ss17&16 came out of their room and made bowl of cereal. Dh told them as soon as he got back he was going to cook spaghetti and garlic bread. Guess who wont eat with us. I normally work all day Saturday. Ok I hide at work. The next time I get the flu I am going to infect everyone at work. :sick:

Dh made spaghetti and garlic bread rounded every up everyone and came down stairs to tell me dinner was ready I said I will eat later. He asked why I said I don't want to deal with it. He said I was not helping I said I don't care I don't want to deal with it. You have to see these kids eat. Mouth open elbows on table and omg the smacking sound. A cow chewing cud makes less noise. The BM eat just like that. But I am the WWWest for wanting to throw up dinner at the sight.

Caved and made Roman noodles for Ss13&11. Dh was in shower. Stupid me I ruined them "You can't even make that right" will since it is 12:20am go to bed you little @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@. I let them soak to absorb the liquid and apparently Bm serves them mostly crunchy with water of them.

My grandma taught me to make strudel for goodness sake. Dad taught me everything else. I think I can handle roman noodles. It is 2:18am and Dh and I have put padlocks on all the gates locked every lock on screens and doors disconnected his battery cable on truck. I think maybe we can go to bed now. My worst nightmare. He snicks out on our watch and gets in a car accident. That makes us responsible. I will not loss everything because BM started him drinking. Damn it I am to old to start over. I was single for 12 years after @@@@@@ died. I will not lose everything I have worked my ass off for. Yea! miss him so much and wonder what he would think of all this. I think he would look at me and say stupid do something or get the hell out of there.

Hey any male SP out there want to tell me their side. would love to hear what the other "species" has to say/ lol

Took a look at the recipes. What ever happened to a pinch of this and a dash of that. I was not taught to cook in units. I love to cook for people who love to eat. Any one hungry?

Stayed up till 4am to make sure SS17&16 didn't snick out. got up made omelets for everyone at DH request. I was hungry to. SS17 woke about 12pm he got up and headed for front door. Dh said woo where you going. He said CYO "catholic youth org" Dh said wait a minute, called BM to ask if she know about, she said yes but not till 4pm. SS17 said he plays BBall with friends before. DH let him go. To my surprise :jawdrop: He got other SS around early and went to check if SS17 was at his moms. NO, went to CYO to see if he was there? NO. Keep in mind he has other 3 SS in truck with him. He told me he wanted them to see he will check up on them!! Went to the two friends DH knows about, not there. Dropped off other SS at drop off point talked with BM she said had no idea where he was. Come to find out she knew he was down the street at a house that has "OHH! no rules. I have meet those parents. Okie white trash. DH came home with chest pains. (DH has major heart issues) If that BOY and Bm cost me my DH I will take them down. Sometimes it is everything I have not to pick up the bat I keep by front door and bet the holy s@@@ out of him. All this lying and underage drinking and who knows what from the BM that insisted the SS be raise in the church and go to catholic school. Make you want to ask where the hell the priest is? By the way DH appealed to him and he said quote"I don't get that involved with my parshies" He was caught running around naked in the park the next month :O And we wonder why the faith of America is going down the tubes.

Family dinner night was this evening. I did it! I kept my mouth shut. First the brisket I had in the slow cooker didn't quite get done. So, plan B. For the first time ever I served those boys cold cut sandwiches. :jawdrop: I ran to the grocery store got some roast-beef,turkey,salami and a tub of potato salad. SS13 said The way I arranged the slices of meat was to nice to touch. I love that one. Right after dinner took dogs and FIL for a walk. SS13 joined us on bike. Got back in-laws left Dh went to talk to SS16 about grades posted, I went for a drive for 15 minutes. Came back helped SS13 with school project down stairs till they left. SUCCESS! I want a cookie! I did good
You know just coming downstairs and venting even if no one reads this really makes me feel better.

You know I have been thinking :? When the brisket didn't get done and I asked Dh what he wanted to do? His only reply was I don't know. I came to the rescue with cold cuts. We are feeding 8 people here! When telling in-laws why change of menu, MIL said I must have panicked when I found the brisket not done. I said no not really but DH did. Dh said no I didn't I just didn't want to make a decision. ????? :? Why the Hell am I making the decision he should be making. These are his kids his parents. How hard is it to think?

OK! I need to remember this night. SS13 went to garden show with us and friends and he feel in love with a pottery person and her work. I am going to enroll him in class with me "as surprise" on pottery to see if just a fantasy or a real talent. "I myself "a want to be" anyway friends and I Dh SS went to Chinese buffet for dinner had a great time. SS13 tried 3 different things he never had and turns out he likes Susi like me. Minus the wysocki I love the burn and curl of my nostril hairs. Call me a masochist. When we got home DH went to sleep in big chair and SS with dogs "a whole dif story" (I love my BIG dogs) poop machines. He loves to curl up with them and snooze. They love it to. It is like poking a bear to get them to bed. Thank goddess I have a thick skin. Anyway all tucked in including friends on couch. I think they only want to hang around for breakfast. lol

Tonight is "family" dinner night. FIL is cooking. DH is going to be late because of taking SS13 to DR since BM won't.Why is it I am the one that demands these kids get taken care of. I am the one that always makes the DR appointment. He asked BM to drop other SS off at grandpa if he is running late. Maybe others won't show up }:) I have been racking my brain trying to come up with a believable excuse not to join dinner. If SS17,16,11 are there and if they are rude to grandpa I might just blow a gasket. I am so tired of the crap. My only relief is I will be out of there soon.

OK! I must have the longest blog on here! Anyway got to FIL's alittle late SS's already there. Man, these kids are gross. Along time ago Dh asked SS17 if he ate like that around his GF he said no. Oh come on! If this was a act something would have slipped and I would have seen signs of manners after 2yrs. Nope just gross. The kids at thier schools must look at them and :sick: anyway left right after I helped grandma with dishes. When they got here SS17 never showed up, SS16 went straight to bedroom, SS13 and I sat down at table and figured out what to plant and where we wanted it in garden. SS11 went downstairs to garden. Tried to get SS11 to join in but Nope!

Haven't typed much lately. Dh is now doing all the cooking. SS16,13,11 came over this week for spring break. Going ok I am at work 80% of the time. SS16 goes to his room the moment I get home. :O Do you think I should tell him that I find him funny. He actually makes me smile. I know that her thinks he is being soooo cool but snubbing me. Personally I think he is a teenager and I like not having to deal with him when I get home. }:) Maybe I won't tell him. It might ruin a good thing. You know Dh husband is handling my detachment ok.

Up keep on my log. My BM passed and My BF had a stroke 2 days later. Moving him 1100 miles to be with me so I can take care of him. Two oldest SS still complete losers, Two younger SS still holding out faint hope. Dh caved in marriage counseling and told not happy I stopped cooking for SS (disconnect) I think he is sorry he has to step up to plate. He is there for me in the putting flowers on my daughter's grave and to hold my hand in BM passing but can't see his own sons and deal with it???????????????????????? When will parents see?????????????
Only after it is to late. It is easy for others to say "sorry for your lose" It is sooooooooo much harder to stop that lose. It involves REALLY be there.

This will be my last session. All but the 3rd are a lose. He and I have connected thanks to BM kicking him to curb. She wanted to have alot of kids so they would take care of her when she got old. Maybe you should not raise them to be complete failures with no idea how to take care of themself in the real world let alone take care of thier aging mother. I have one son and was was blessed briefly with one daughter. My son "not my(mom)idea son" is living on his own with a J.O.B. If you want alot of kids you better be ready to put the energy into raising them. Our generation is so lazy. It is so easy to allow them thier freedom "A.K.A" I don't want to get my ass up and deal with it. It is hard work to raise kids. Step up or SNIP IT.