This is my first time at Step Talk and need some advise with my hardheaded 9 year old stepson "A". A small example of what I'm talking about is what happened this morning....I went into his and my son's bedroom, I saw some of his underware on the floor, I asked if it was clean or dirty and as always, he just stands there with a blank look on his face, with his mouth half open and blinking his eyes......I pause to give him a second to think about it and nothing, no answer. I tell him to give me an answer because he has to go to school and there's not any time for that. He gave me several stories, first that they were clean, then they weren't clean, then that's when my husband ("A's" BF) came in and just kinda yells at him about dirty clothes going in the hamper. This would be fine if it was the first time it happened, but it isn't, it's about the 400th time. And the reason that there were dirty underware on the floor was because when he got home from school yesterday, he decided to change into some shorts and saw some new underware that I had bought him in the begining of the school year and thought he'd change his underware too. I've taught him to only change his underware after he takes a shower which is every night before he goes to bed. So that night when it was time to take a bath, he took off the underware that he had just put on after school and put on ANOTHER pair. Which means that in one day he used 3 pairs of underware! In order for him not to do this, I would have to be constantly walking around behind him watching his every move, and I just can't.....I also have his sister (11) and his big brother (15) and my own son from my x-husband (3), plus I work from 8 to 5. I wish he would just do what he's told. I've told myself that I can't get angry any more about these things because I can feel how anger has been affecting me. Because I get so angry at him, I find it hard to give him the love that he needs from me. It's hard for me to say a kind word to him or hug him. I feel guilty because I feel this way. We've all been together living as a family for 3 years. Their mother died in 2001. "A" was only 2 years old when he lost his mother so I want to be there for them for when they need mother's love and understanding. But "A" makes it so hard for me to do that. It seems like everyday he breaks rules so he doesn't give me time to get over an incident when a next one comes again. My husband asked me about 2 weekends ago if I hated "A". I really wanted to say "sometimes".......but of course that's wrong. Hate's such a strong word, but I guess I do hate the way he doesn't take the things I've taught him and put them into good practtice. I told my husband that I just wish he would listen to me better. My husband's idea to "fix" the problem was to handle "A" all by himself, that way I won't get so stressed over him and get so angry at him. But I don't know if I agree with the way my husband handles things. He's content to be yelling at them EVERYDAY about the SAME things. I think they need to be taught to follow rules and to stop doing whatever they want and just follow directions. That way all of this tention between me and my husband, me and the kids can ease up a little so that it can give me time to be there for them as a mother. It's sooooo hard! And now because my husband thinks that I hate his son, I feel scared to try any disciplining because of what my husband might think of me. I don't want there to be a division, "us" and "them". I think that if "A" would just follow the rules we put down that things would be a little easier. I just don't know how to get him to do that. If there's any suggestions out there please send them on, I'm open to any advise.