This ought to get interesting
Just a quick update DH's family LOVES ex. Dh 's family is nuts & due to several incidents DH has divorced them as well. Ex & BF are invited to DH's family events & we are not. DH had to fight family for ex NOT to be invited to youngest brothers wedding. ( my first intro to extended family) His older brother ( who runs the show) is a saddistic a$$hole who physically, mentally abused my DH his entire life. He also did unspeakable things that DH has never told anyone but me & EX & she still has contact with him. Trust me my child will NEVER be alone with this man & if I were her I wouldn't let my little boys be left alone with him either!!
That said, DH's ex ( who we have been getting along with pretty smoothly for the most part) Just emailed DH to see if she can have the boys for a 5 hr block during one of our weekends to go to evil brother's son's first communion. ( We are not invited nor would we be if DH had not divorced his family after Thanksgiving)
Note to be nice I called his Dad & told him I was pregnant so they didn't have to hear it from Grandma. His dad was nice & excited over the phone but we have not heard anything from his mom, who has my email. The only communication was his Dad letting DH & his brother's know he was giving brothers not DH his season tickets for the baseball team. DH had asked to buy it out( the other two never paid for a ticket) so we could do a flex plan so we could have 4 seats not two so both boys could go.
What a bunch of idiots!!
I can't wait to see Ex wives response. DH sent nice email back stating there is a lot of time before than & now, but his answer for now is no. Why would he give up his time so kids could be around evil brother & a family that has nothing to do with us. BTW I am NOT the reason they got divorced and had been appart for 9 months by the time we met.
Also ex would not switch weekends because that would screw up her weekends with BF. They have their kids the same weekends so they have 5 kids one weekend & then a weekend to themselves.
- sweetthing's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
IMO
I would say No to BM also--especially if DH already said no to her. I don't know about with your situation but my BF's X whines like a baby when you tell her no about something--so if you act like a kid I guess you should be treated like a kid-- and kids need you to be consistent--so No means No.
All that aside if you are not close to that part of the family, it's your time with the children, then I don't see that there is a have too in any of it--which means I just wouldn't let them go. Enjoy your time with the kids while you have them.
Sometimes though, when my X ask for our kids on my time--I simply ask them what they would like to do. Sometimes they will be involved in something and not want to go. Somtimes they get excited and scream "yes!" I hate for them to miss out on something that will be a lot of fun for them simply because I'm not wanting to share. I can be rather stingy with my kids. HOwever I would not ask them right now if it's a ways off. Things can always change and BM might get mad if kids say yes now and no later.
Alisha
Another thing...
She emailed DH last week to see if youngest could go to a birthday party this Sunday during our time. SS isn't even really friends with this kid, who is a MONSTER. His brother plays football with oldest SS, so youngest played with him on playgraound while there brothers practiced. This kid was hyper, rude & ill mannered. Sometimes younest SS has a problem keeping hands to himself & I view children like that to be a bad influence. I know what ss is like on his own & what he can be like around problem children.
See ex has a thing about fitting in with the In parents on oldest ss teams. She judges the kids based on if she likes the parents & if they are important in the group...not based on the kids rude or obnoxious behavior.
DH told her no on this as well. We may be taking the kids to my parents so they can go ice fishing. When we were up in December they asked their uncle ( my brother) if he would take them.
My thought is don't tell us what to do on our weekends because you don't want us to do the same. Either switch with us or realize that is our time. We spend our time with the kids focasing our attention on them & letting them hang out & be kids. She drags them all over the place each weekend either to BF or her parents ( both a 2 hr one way drive) or has BF come down with his 3 kids. ( Even though oldest SS said early on he didn't want to spend every weekend with them) They have no time alone with their mom except from 5:30 when she picks them up at our house till 9pm when they go to bed... factor in religion class one a week and sports and that isn't a lot.
I am feeling bitchy today.
This is kinda tough...but
if I were in your situation, I would support your dh on saying no and following through with not letting her have the kids.
I'm in a similar situation as you, dh comes from an insanely dysfunctional family, no one compares to his family...and of course they all glorify the ex, and I have my theories as to why, but this is something they would do. My dh's family is so dysfunctional that I trust my dh's ex moreso than his family!
If your dh wants to share his kids with his ex for whatever reason on his time, then he is entitled to do so, if that is what he wants to do. It sounds to me like both you and dh don't want your children surrounded by dh's dysfunctional family, and if that is the case, why would you share them on your time? That is cut and dry to me. There is no obligation on your part to ensure your children go to family functions when family members can not treat you with dignity and respect. I will advise you the same as my therapist advised me..."create distance."
Furthermore, if the ex is never flexible to willingly change weekends with you for legitimate reasons, let her get a taste of her own medicine. It isn't being vindictive, it is showing how selfish being inflexible can be. I understand the desire to have a child free weekend, but it sounds to me like she refuses to work with you just to be difficult. If she faced failure once in a while, being not being able to show up to an ex-family function b/c she now knew the word "NO" perhaps in the future, she might be less difficult...
If your eluding to what I
If your eluding to what I think your eluding to...regarding evil brother....the answer to any visitation involving him & the kids would be a resounding NOT EVER!!!
Do you guys discuss 'things' and what to do about it with the kids...regularly? I was 'assaulted' by a neighour of my grandmother when I was 19...and I can tell you first hand when someone you've known and trusted your whole life..does something you don't expect like that...it throws you in a tailspin. And althought I knew the thing to do was 'tell someone'....it was very confusing...and I only told my X..(for the longest time)So what-ever happened with evil brother.....keep communication WIDE OPEN..and flowing freely..with the kids.....explain the steps to take..and what will happen at each step..and talk about mixed feelings/confusion..etc.. the whole spectrum of things..your husband will know.
You don't have to mention what happened....but always ask and be looking for clues/body language...facial reactions..not wanting to visit..etc.....and ask lots of questions about him. So they feel comfortable talking about him to you...in general..never 'over-react' or you'll shut them down......
....keep your time with the kids for yourself..especially if she wouldn't do the same....
Lovin- Life, you are getting what I am saying.
This jerk terrorized my husband his whole life & his parents let him get away with it. Only ex & I know the whole story & I don't think she believes it. She likes the jerk & is bestest friends with his wife. DH told me a story about evil one lifting up his ex wifes skirt at a wedding & they all thought it was funny, except him. I told DH if he ever laid a hand on me he would be picking his balls up off the floor.
I am a redhead need I say more.
DH drops hints to kids that his brother is a bully and the boys know if anyone ever does anything to hurt them ( DH has even used me as an example and mom's BF) they need to tell him. They youngest has said that he doesn't like that the uncle jokes about their names & DH sent brother an email telling him to stop months ago.
Their mom is just oblivious. I don't know if she doesn't believe DH or not, but I do. She just will not stay away from DH's family, especially this brother & his wife.