FDH learned the hard way that being a good person and trying to do favours only works if the other person is straight-up, too. BM, I'm sure you could guess, is not.

Some of you might remember my blog about the van and how BM can't get a loan because she doesn't have a job, and it was leaving a liability for FDH to keep paying for it for her (and taking it out of her support) until she got a co-signer.

Well, we ended up, on the FDH's lawyer's advice, telling her that he had no more legal obligation to try to get the van to her as stipulated in their settlement agreement as he had done everything in his power and now it was her failure to get a co-signer that was the hold-up. Like you guys and the lawyer pointed out, co-signer or not, it's her responsibility. The other issue is that the van is unregistered in her state and FDH can only register it in his own state - in other words, he couldn't register it in her state if he wanted to and registering it in his own wouldn't do her a damn bit of good.

So she whined about how it was unfair, how a co-signer isn't going to just drop from the sky, it's 'unsafe' for the kids to be in an unregistered van (which isn't 'unsafe' for them, it just means she could get hit with a $100.00 fine) and FDH pretty much shrugged, because really, it isn't his problem. If she can't find a co-signer, the van gets repo'd. She snarkily asked if he would be paying the fine if she gets one, since he won't register it. He said no, reminded her he can't register it and told her she had 30 days to figure it out. End of story on the van - except that now she's saying she might just try to get a new van (used, but new for her) instead, like she's not going to need a co-signer anyway. Whatever - her problem.

So up until recently, FDH has paid part of his support through the van as well as her cell phone, the latter because it's on contract until early next year. This was their verbal agreement since before the papers were finalized and on the papers, the total support is a little more than what he had been paying her. She didn't bring it up - until yesterday, at the end of the month, in an e-mail asking for $440.00 of unpaid support from the last 2 months. Whatever, she went back on her word on accepting the van and phone payments instead and it's our fault for trusting her instead of amending the document. Annoying but fine. But she's asking for it NOW. She's also asking, NOW, for FDH to put in the 401k paperwork (so she gets her half, as determined in the decree) which is going to cost $235.00 in lawyers' fees. She's made it clear she's not helping to pay those fees, so pretty much, out of the blue, she's demanding FDH fork over almost $700.00

He pretty much told her, fine, but I can't do it all at once. It's the end of the month. We have a budget. We don't just have $700.00 laying around at any given moment. *shrug* He didn't say he wouldn't pay the owed amounts, but she should have mentioned it 2 months ago when she apparently noticed. She also said on the phone that her cell phone was on top of the support she was owed, and if that wasn't the case she'd put it in her own name and to give her until the 15th. Fine for us - one less thing we need to deal with her on.

The last issue is that FDH is currently not paying for housing. The house they lived in was too expensive for either one of them to afford on their own, so he took the hit a long time ago knowing it would be foreclosed on or sold in a short-sell eventually. Our budget is tight and we plan out how we're going to spend or save every dollar or every paycheck at the beginning of the month. I realize his utilities will drop when he eventually does move, but as the support stands right now ($2700/month between CS and alimony) it leaves almost no room for any kind of rent or house payment. Her attitude was more or less "Not my problem" (I don't think she realizes if he doesn't have a place to live, he doesn't work and then she gets nothing) and somehow in her mind she thinks because there is no house payment we should have all this money laying around (we don't).

So on a hunch, FDH did a ton of research and long story short it looks like there are a couple questionable areas on the divorce decree where BM's lawyer scored her a couple hundred dollars extra per month. He didn't have his own lawyer before because he figured BM would be straight-up with her own lawyer in an attempt for them both to save some laywers' fees. He's regretting that now. This afternoon he's calling to consult his lawyer and it'll likely end up back in mediation. We also suspect her alimony payment is a little inflated, as her and her lawyer gave no reasons for why it was the amount it was (although there was a hilarious moment where BM and her lawyer tried to claim said alimony as "property division" so BM wouldn't have to pay taxes on it and so that it could continue even if she remarried or moved in with someone, even though there was no property left to be divided - we put a stop to that BS quick) so we'll see what we can do about that, too, especially since there's not much room for the housing payment or rent he will eventually have to factor in. It looks like at the very least we can get a least a couple hundred dollars a month reversed because it's purely in there because of her shady lawyer. There's a couple other minor changes we'd like to make, too, but those are the one we think we'll have to push the hardest for.

Wish us luck. Sorry this is so long, I just woke up grumpy about it and have been walking around grumbling under my breath all the things I'd like to say to her, so I figured I'd come here. We aren't trying to be jerks or be vindictive; FDH is just trying to protect himself. He's put himself out there to try and help and she's done nothing but take advantage. A boundary needs to be drawn.