Found this article.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/single-moms-viral-post-gets-real-abo...
I feel for this single mother as I know what it's like to have a skid with severe ADHD. It is frustrating whenever you go out somewhere because they do not listen and have a short attention span. What do you guys think that this situation. I would've given that lady behind me what for if I was that kid's mother. She needs to mind her own business!!!
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I would have said nothing but
I would have said nothing but would have thought about giving her a spanking and not a cookie-then again I'm old school. Don't see a lot of Amish kids with ADHD for some reason. Probably because they have a fantastic diet, do manual labor from an early age to tucker them out, and aren't constantly exposed to screens.
Donning the asbestos suit.
I raised Thing2 primarily by
I raised Thing2 primarily by myself and he had a very severe case of ADHD. I can count on one hand the number of public meltdowns he had. Wanna know why?
Because I taught him from a very early age that there was a certain way to behave and if he couldn't behave that way, then he wouldn't get to go to the store/movies/blah blah blah
Thrice - I may need to borrow that suit
Yeah unfortunately with my
Yeah unfortunately with my skid it doesn't work that way because BM and my DH baby him and make excuses for his behavior. I told DH a few months ago because I was steaming mad that BM and him shouldn't never had kids because they aren't equipped to be suitable parents because they make excuse after excuse that SS is special needs and that we should just let him be himself!!! Whatever the hell that means LOL!!! I know I should have been more diplomatic saying something like that to my DH because I was really pissed off because of what SS had said to me that day.
While I would have thought to
While I would have thought to myself how annoying the kids was, and I would have felt sorry for the mom… I would NEVER say anything to the kid or the mom. Only hypocritical, holy than thou, assholes would do that.
No one knows what the mom is going through. Maybe her husband just died and she did not have the strength to discipline her kid. Or any number of horrible things. Or maybe she is just the type to let her kid run wild and crazy. Not my business nor my business to tell her how to raise her child. If child bothers me, I move away. Easy peasy and I don’t have to force my rudeness on anyone.
How you make someone feel about themselves says a lot about YOUR character. And if you make a young mom feel like shit, then you have no character. IMHO.
Exactly this Willow2010. I
Exactly this Willow2010. I felt bad for the mom because it's hard when you are in a public place and your kid is misbehaving. It is not only frustrating but also embarrassing. You are right that woman was in the wrong to say that to that mom. I don't agree with BM about how she raises her own kids but I mind my own business and do not throw my opinion out there because it is none of my business how she raises her kids when they are with her.
Absurd huh? BM put SS on
Absurd huh? BM put SS on ADHD meds when he was 4.
Thing2 went on meds at age 4.
Thing2 went on meds at age 4. Worked for a while, until one day I realized that he looked like a zombie. Just had a really flat affect.
That was it. I took him off that day, found a CBT therapist and never looked back. I do regret that it took me 5 years to figure that out.
I have a 3 yo. She has never
I have a 3 yo. She has never heard the word "butthole" in the first place, and doesn't call names because nobody around her behaves like that.
I have left the store with a full cart when she behaved in a way I felt wasn't fair to other customers. I have taken her out of restaurants and home from playdates.
I am not a single mom, but I am the primary caregiver and chief bottle-washer, and do most things to keep our household running. And I do it using a bicycle: (not me in pic, but like mine, this bike has the shopping bags and the kid!) http://www.fietsersbond.be/sites/default/files/1-moeder-kind-achterop.JPG You betcha it's a pain to have to put parenting above getting something accomplished, but if you do the parenting part right, it's only temporary.
I know my own limits, and I imagine that this kid was waaaaaay out of control before someone else would comment... but maybe not. Not everyone is as reluctant to deliver public censure as I am (unless it's here, anonymously!)
If I felt like things were out of hand, I would have said to the parent, "I can see you have a very persistent kid! It's a great quality, but too much of a good thing is tough to handle." And hope that directing the mom to the behaviour gets her to deal with it. If not, I would probably say something directly to the kid, "Kid, I can see you're upset, but you are upsetting everyone here as well. That's not very nice, since none of these people did anything wrong, did they? It looks like it's really difficult to calm down, do you know any tricks to help you?" And go from there.
Depends on the big picture.
Depends on the big picture. I think if it looks like she's trying to deal, your compassion would be high. If it looks like she's just trying to ignore because HER priority is her shopping trip... not so much. Because a difficult moment with your kid is always tough, full-stop. But NOT addressing it is kind of a slap in the face to the rest of humanity!
The other person needed to
The other person needed to mind their own business. I feel for the woman with the problem child. There are children out there that sometimes no matter what you do they are just horrible little shits. I would know I was one of them.
My mom told me from the age of 6 months I slapped her back when she slapped my hand and said no to pulling her necklace. I was that kid that threw fits in the store to no end. She did not but me what I wanted or give in. She had her hands full. I use to sit in the middle of the store an not move she would literally pick my up by my arm and drag me I would pick up my legs so I would dangle there.
I had soap in the mouth, I was smacked so many times, I am surprised I did not end up with permanent hand print on my outer thigh. I do feel for this woman as my mom was this woman at times. I took everything out of her sometimes. She broke down crying and sitting on her bed and she had my dad until I was 11 to semi help, he was kinda a piece of crap and was more abusive so she would not tell him when I had these meltdowns.
Looking back I was a shitty kid, I was good in school and really good with other people just not to my mom, I have no clue why. I can say when I got really wound up as a child I did not know how to calm myself or focus myself and when I got really mad it was like everything around me went blank. There are thins I do not recall doing to this day that my mom reminds me of. I got older and learned to control my emotions and calm down. Some children are wired very differently.
I've never hit or slapped my
I've never hit or slapped my kid, but you should know that pretty much every baby is rough and grabby and pinchy and hits their caregiver. Babies aren't born understanding language or limits. It's the caregiver's job to teach their kid what, "No!" means, and that hitting isn't ok. It's the caregiver's job to demonstrate to kids that having a fit in a store is not an effective technique for reaching his/her goals. Every kid who resists being picked up does that dangling thing!!
I have never put soap in my kid's mouth, nor smacked her, and I fully expect my kid to take everything out on me sometimes. She did that just today. I am her rock, and because of that huge trust she places in me, I think it's really important to show her that I love her all the time... and that some behaviour is not allowed, ever.
My daughter is 3. I have been helping her with her emotions since she was about 15 months old and started to be able to express wishes that I did not fulfill. I do not expect her to control her emotions or to remain calm - I don't even expect that of myself! We feel what we feel. Life is what happens. It's ok to be angry.... but it's not ok to hit.
I am sure you were a normal kid, and like all kids, went through tough times. I don't think there was or is something wrong with you, but I am sure that your mom was in a tough place if she was trying to be a good parent AND deal with a really bad relationship with your dad. Parents often accidentally deliver a message that the kid is bad, when really... it's a situation or moment that is too much for everyone involved.
One of the most important things I try to remember is that kids seek limits. And I'd rather my daughter find a limit than a conflict, because a limit helps her for her future. A conflict is confusing and everyone takes it personally.
I agree with so much of what
I agree with so much of what you are saying but my entire family even comments to this day they thought I was not ever going to turn out the way I did. Big reason why I do not have children of my own is that I am fearful they will be like me.
My brother was a good kid listened to the rules, did not talk back, the limits my mom set worked great for him I just never liked them at all. My mom tried her hardest and did everything she could with me at times. Even threaten to send me to my dads, put me in therapy, took things away from me, you name it she tried it. I was truly a kid that did not like being told what I can and can not do.
She was trying to be a very good parent and now that I am older I feel horrible to had to deal with a very difficult child, I was one those. I was insanely strong willed, and she did not beat me but a quick smack nothing wrong with that at times. Some kids do have issues and are more difficult than others. My mom eventually learned to let me just do my thing, I worked, went to school, and was overall a good kid. I took out all my crap on her and it took me a very long time to learn what works for me when I get all worked up.
Thank god I turned 21, love my wine. LOL.
I don't think you should
I don't think you should believe some of the things you've been told about yourself.
My kid is insanely challenging. A lot of reasons for that, some have to do with her, some have to do with me. I grew up with parents that also did their best, but they had a lot of problems and as conflicted as I am about it, I have to acknowledge that I was abused by them. It's lead to a lot of challenges in my life and I hope I can give my daughter better tools for her life.
My parents threatened to send me away, blamed me for their failing marriage... as an adult, I recognize that they were partly trying to manage a tough situation, and I also see that they were trying to hurt me. I never ever do something with the intention of hurting my kid. If I'm that angry... I say I'm really angry and I stop talking and (usually) leave the room. It's only happened a couple of times, and I recognized really fast that I needed to take of my needs a LOT sooner. I bet your mom had no way to take care of herself, like my mom, and I'm sure I was a difficult kid too. I see it in my own kid and I can see how easily my mom and dad went down the path they did in how they chose to raise me.
I model how to handle being angry in a way that leads to a more positive outcome. I say things like, "I'm really angry. I'm going to do some yoga/meditation/colouring/reading now and in 10 minutes, I'd like to talk about it." Or "I don't want to do nice things for you when you hit me."
And you know what else? I say approximately 5 billion times per day, "Wow, you really helped a lot when you did xxx." "I love going for a walk with a great listener like you! It's great that you stopped right away!" "I love to help you when you use polite words."
It's always difficult to come to terms with a difficult relationship with our parents. It feels like if we are hurt or angry we betray our parents and if we focus on the love we diminish ourselves. I try to teach my kid that we can feel more than one thing at the same time and that it doesn't always make sense. That's how feelings work. They're clues... not information.