Yeah but it's so much going wrong here.  Firstly, his kids his responsibility.  Anything you do for anyone that is not your child is charity.  Secondly, the kids part is an issue but this man doesn't respect you or your efforts.  Thirdly, why doesn't he work to cover his responsibilities and contribute to the household in a manner that you're not draining your bank account....ma'am is this your husband and even so...I would make a vision board that does not include him and get going....your life deserves so much more sustenance...this is way too stressful...good fortunes dear and I'm glad you stood up for yourself...stand your ground.

I don't get where these guys get the balls to be upset their wives aren't doing enough for the stepkids for birthdays and holidays when they themselves haven't done anything. Why is gift giving the exclusive domain of women? 

I am glad you finally exploded. It's been a long time coming. I sincerely hope you don't feel bad about telling him the truth because you shouldn't be. 

WTF? He thinks you're responsible for HIS kid's birthday? He's delusional. Severely delusional. Please tell him from me (and most of the other STalkers here) that if he wants his kid to have the perfect birthday he needs to get a decent job that at least covers HIS bills so he isn't sponging off of you all the time. And, for the record, I don't think you were harsh at all. He needed it.

Be prepared for the love-bombing that's going to happen now that he knows you see right through him. Do not fall for it.

Harsh? No. Honest? Yes. You were honest. It's his kiddos upcoming birthday, he has done nothing at all towards it, he hits you w/ it at the last second after you've explained to him that there is no extra $ this week. He waits until he knows you're trying to get things done because you have a 12 hr shift coming up. He hits you w/ this then tries to make you feel guilty because ... he chose to not do a damn thing? 

I won't tell you to go, I will tell you that you need a secind bank acct. for you to save up and you need an exit plan just in case. 

Now me? I'd buy a plain cake mix at the store, for him to bake and add food coloring to it to be green, he can then frost  = tah dah cake. If he cannot hanle mixing eggs, mix, oil and water then his kid gets a unbaked box of cake mix.

As for gifts? That really is on you to decide what to do but if you do break down (and you will because this is a small kiddo.)a reasonable gift, a coloring book for the younger and a comment to lazy assed hubby that his sponge time is done. You will not buy gifts, treats, Easter presents, anything more... he can support his own kids because you are done. 

Look, I know this is just a kid, but it's not your responsibility to make sure he comes over to "something" on his birthday.  If his own father doesn't care enough to ensure that, there's nothing you can do to make things right in this kid's world.  I suspect the child's mother is doing something for his birthday; if not, again, it's not your fault and not your problem.  I would make the child a card and wish him a happy birthday.  Anything beyond that, his parents can take care of.

Face facts:  this guy is USING YOU.  I can almost guarantee, since you're already sick of being used and abused, that this relationship is not going to last.  You will not be in the lives of these kids for long if you know what's good for you.  Disengage.  Emotionally distance yourself.  Stop doing things for his kids.  That will bring out his true colors more quickly (although they seem to be on pretty full display right now) and make it much easier for you to do what you NEED to do. 

Please reach out to your parents and see if they'll help you get out of this situation sooner rather than later.   No good will come from staying.

This guy comes to me last night and says ‘don’t forget SS5 birthday is Wednesday’ 

BF obviously knew it was his son's birthday so why hasnt he bought a gift yet? Because he's not spending his money on his kids. He expects you to use your money to do it.

You have chocolate cake mix. If this isn't ok, BF needs to go to the store and buy what's needed. He may claim to be broke, but my bet is that he could find the money if he looked in his pocket.

Bake the cake if BF buys the mix. Buy the birthday boy the Pokémon cards at the dollar store (now $1.25) and give it to him on his birthday from you. (Younger child will survive without a gift.) If BF wants more of a gift or cake, he can supply it from the extra after he pays his share of household bills. 

This guy is a certified gaslighted. Don't let your guard down. 

My response to this guy ( first of all he wouldn't last this long around me because of my inner asshole being awakened about BS  like this - oops I mean to say I have clear boundaries about this sort of thing) would be " Awesome what did exbitch get him? What did you get him? Oh nothing ? Well you better get to it then as it's only 2 days away. Better coordinate with exbitch( from your other posts I think he already is- sad to say). Oh you don't  have $  sorry  my balance is zero.( Absolutely do not tell him about howuch $ and where it's going.). Does exbitch have $ why not ask her?  Gift for ss3. Better hurry SO you have 2 gifts to buy.( I'm lucky here as DH SS16 Ss10 are all born during the same 2 wk period and they get ONE Party for the thee of them three gifts)

Inow for you: only bake the cake you have if you feel like it. No frosting( do you have powder sugar can put that on top.). SS5 doesn't like it. Well you tried more than his own parent did.

If you don't have time to shop then don't. BC no matter what this narcissist will be a piece of work about everything. Read that: he will be nasty no matter what you do. If you bake a cake or not. If you pay his bills or not. If you clean the house or not.

When he starts with I'm a shit boyfriend etc agree and walk away. 

Call your mom! Tell her ! Have her help you make a game plan.! You have STalkers but you need someone local or someone who will come and stay for awhile 

I watch a YouTube channel called Doctor Ramani about Narcissist abuse. She's a psychologist who specializes in this. 

And should never be expected or mandated. You being in financial hardship should not mean you go into debt or not be able to afford essential food items because skid wants or expects cakes and presents.

if skid gets nothing on their birthday, they have bio parents to blame for that. If their own parents can't care enough, why should you? 
 

put your foot down now and don't budge, your partner is responsible for his kid but he needs to ensure his share of household necessities and utilities are paid for.

this guy looks like he's using you and enjoying takitn advantage of that

handle SS5's birthday. Would it be nice to bake/decorate a cake for him if that is something you enjoy doing? Yes, but only if that is something you want to do. You said it yourself this week money is tight so absolutely not you shouldn't be using your last bit of funds to make SS5's birthday special.

IF you WANT to, you could ask your SO for HIS bank card to go and purchase things for SS5's birthday, but still he should be handling things for his child's birthday. 

As for the gift giving to another sibling on their sibling's birthday, DH's family did this when DH was growing up. When I came into the picture he was doing it for SD and SD's sister. The only thing I noticed that came from this is that it makes the children feel entitled that every time someone gets something, then they should get something too. I REALLY didn't like this because that is not how life works and children need to learn that they do not always get something plus I think birthdays should be very special for the child who's birthday it is. We only had one round of birthdays when I was in the picture before SD's sister wasn't in our lives anymore so it is a non issue now, but DH and I talked about it and he knows I disagree with it so we will not be doing that when we have an ours child/children.