Recently I posted on here some details about how hard of a time I am having with being a young SM (just turned 26) 

And judging by the reaction I got I believe I’ve got myself in a bad situation that I don’t know how to get out of. Let’s start with the kids. 3 and 5. At bio moms house there are no rules, and nothing is done about bad behaviour, I’m not used to this as when I was a kid we were taught to respect adults. I understand they are still very young but there are certain things I believe they should know but I could be wrong? Such as I think the 5 (will be six in 2 days) should know or should be starting to learn to wipe himself and how to get himself dressed. he should also know not to have a temper tantrum when told no in a store. I think the 3 (4 in a month) should know better then to slap the tv screen (I’ve asked him many times not too) when I ask the almost 4 year old to stop or tell him no he starts crying and I mean CRYING so someone tells him it’s okay. I don’t know if I’m to harsh but I just explain why he’s not to do what he did and let him cry it out because I feel telling him it’s okay and giving him hugs until he stops crying is showing him he can get away with misbehaving as long as he cries. (Is this wrong of me to think) the kids aren’t grateful for anything even on Christmas seemed very upset they only got tablets and small items. We didn’t have a lot of extra money (I bought mostly everything) They asked if ‘that was it’ when opening gifts, it made me feel bad because I couldn’t afford more.Even at my parents house they bought things for the kids, they again didn’t think what they were given was enough…. My parents work very very hard for their money so I was beyond embarrassed at how they acted. I predominantly pay for everything. Half rent, 95% of the food, all the internet and all the hydro. I’m behind on all of them except rent because I can’t afford all the bills on just my income. 

My step kids are constantly asking for stuff and my partner seems to entertain it and buy it even with me saying we can’t afford it. We both get paid biweekly rotating weeks (I get paid one week he is paid the next) he says he makes more but his pay check is gone by the end of the weekend (we’re both paid on fridays) leaving me to make my pay last two weeks with paying bills and groceries. He doesn’t understand the concept of a dollar. I try to explain food waste and throwing out as much as we do is ‘flushing money down the toilet’ we make dinner for the kids they will hardly touch it but get snacks as much as they want during the day I tried to explain this is why they don’t eat and we throw what they have for dinner away but nothing changes when I say things. We do not eat with the kids because of their lack of table manners, I can’t handle seeing them show us what is in their mouths or talking with a mouth full of food/ shoving fingers in mouth and paying with chewed food so I want all day and eat once their in bed (I try and tell them no yuck when they do this and it’s an on going battle to stop it ) I currently pick the kids up because I’m done work earlier. Very recently I wanted to go home to see my parents (I moved away from my home town 4-5 hours away to be with him we were long distance for almost a year before) and bio mom and him were upset I didn’t plan this around the times we were to have the kids but i don’t feel like I’m responsible for the children (I’m not sure if that sounds bad but in reality they are not my children) I went to see my parents anyways and it was awful. I was expected to reply immediately to his text messages, phone calls and FaceTimes if I didn’t he would assume I went out with guys or to party. I’m unsure why he thought this as I don’t drink I don’t party and my parents live in the middle of no where with the closest town to them being almost an hour away. I felt like I hardly got to speak to my mom and dad as I was on my phone the entire time. I have lived with him for 6 months and it was the first time I’ve done something without him or the kids. 

I feel like I’m in over my head, I’ve never felt this much stress, pressure or financial hardship prior to moving here. He is speaking of starting a family with me but as of right now I can’t even think of kids of my own because I can hardly afford the ones he has and I don’t think it’s right or fair that I go down to my last dollar every pay check in order to keep everyone fed and housed. It was his choice to quit his great paying job for a different one cause he didn’t like his old one so to me it’s his problem to fix the lack of income . I’ve tried to talk to my mom about this but her and my dad are so attached to the children she keeps just saying to try and work it out but if I bring up any of the issues and how I feel I get gaslighted with ‘I’m sorry I’m so shitty and my kids are not good enough’ or ‘you can let the kids know how you feel and leave them’ instead of speaking like adults to work things out. I feel trapped and suffocated. I recently started using this site instead of my diary because while I was sleeping he went though ALL of my diary’s (I’ve kept one since I was 12) also my phone and texts to my mom and was very upset for the fact I vented like this to her. I don’t know what to do to make this situation better. I know I’m a pushover and far to generous and it often leads to me being taken advantage of but I’m to my breaking point and I know I’m likely to snap soon and I don’t want to do that especially not infront of children because I do love and care for them but they shouldn’t be my financial responsibility and quite honestly hes a 28 year old man and it was his choice to have kids so it should be his job to pay for them. Am I in the wrong for how I feel? Am I over analyzing ? Is it not as bad as I think it is and normal for this? How do I bring up how I’m feeling in a way that won’t start a huge conflict? I don’t want to instantly give up and walk away I want to try and fix things first but I’m confused how to speak to him about his children and money wasted without sounding rude.