I need some relief!!
Hello everyone!
I just found this site today. It is comforting to read through other BLOG entries & know that others are going through some of the same things that I am. My "history" with the EX:
I don't know if I've ever met a woman who is more psycho and irrational! My finace and his ex have been divorced for more than a year already. She refuses to leave him alone. When she's gone a few days without talking to him, she'll call and leave nasty messages on his VM just to try to get him to react. She has had her 4 year old daughter, call up and call her dad a s*it head on his VM. She leaves VM calling me every name in the book and threatening me physical harm if I come near her. She uses her daughter constantly to hurt my fiance. If he doesn't do what she wants, she calls and says "your daughter is going to hate you. I will make sure of it" and other threats that make him very sad. He pays her CS, pays the mortgage on the house she lives in (in a golf course community), pays for the Cadillac that she's driving, and pays all the utilities in the house... All b/c she calls threatening to make his daughter hate him if he wont pay for everything. It has gotten back to us that she actually brags to all her friends about how easily he gives her everything! Then, she'll write him love notes on his birthday and other occasions (an 8 page love letter just last month), she'll send him "get well soon" cards in the mail if she hears that he's not feeling well. She even tried to lure him away by having a fake profile created on myspace, pretending to be a blonde 25 year-old wanting to "meet" him for drinks just to try to lure him away from me. Then, just last night, she put a dedication love page to him on her own myspace account. It has a sappy love song playing and pictures of them and just him (alone), and pictures of him with his Daughter when they were together! If you open her page, it looks like they are a couple. She sent him a note last night online that says "you can still love someone who has broken your heart, you just love them with all the little pieces."
Just when I think she is done giving us crap, she does something else. I asked my ex to call her and insist that she take the pics down of him that are on her page, but he says that if we say anything, then she'll know it got to us, and she'll do it more. I say that I dont want the love of my life, and future husband (we're getting married this summer) being portrayed as her husband on her site! I definitly need some guidance on this subject! Thanks
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Document, document, document
If she's doing crazy things, you and your fiance should make sure to document it all. If she leaves voicemail, record it onto a tape. Even better, transcribe it. If she writes it down, keep it in a notebook. Get organized and keep everything. Then file for custody of his daughter and make sure your Advocate (or Child Investigator, or whatever that person is called these days) sees it all, hears it all, reads it all. Go after custody of that poor little girl before her mother ruins her and ruins your relationship with your fiance.
Those steps were what saved us in court against the crazy ex. Most courts are still woman-biased, so having all of your ducks in a row is a must. Good luck with it all.
Check out my blog at http://stephaniesplace.wordpress.com
Absolutely Steph!!
Get proof of all these things and head off to court. A 4 year old shouldn't be subject to this crazy woman and her rantings. I would quickly be putting a stop to DH paying all these things for her as she is putting crap in the kids head whether he does it or not. Go and get a proper CS order and pay what he is supposed to not what she demands. This is hurting you and your husband and the only way to save the child is to get her away from BM as much as possible.
If the only thing you are upset about is the site and the pictures, then you are a better and stronger woman than me! I would put a stop to all of it and get the proper paperwork for everything from CS and the courts. Good luck to you, sounds like you need it and Dh or hubby 2 be anyway, needs to stand up for you both. If she continues this behaviour miss 4 is going to hate daddy no matter how much he pays!
Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*
Still more help needed...
Thanks for the comments. We've actually transfered her VM recordings onto our computer for proof of her rantings. One night, she left
10 minute VM's. My question is, am I being unreasonable insisting that he tell her to take his photos off her myspace page? They have been divorced for more than a year, and he's engaged to me! Are we just playing into her hands if we let her know it upsets us? Is it better to ignore it? I feel very hurt by the photos. I feel like he should stick up for me. Even if she doesnt take them down, atleast we let her know that her behavior is inappropriate... right?
I need some relief!
Thanks for the comments. We've actually transfered her VM recordings onto our computer for proof of her rantings. One night, she left
10 minute VM's. My question is, am I being unreasonable insisting that he tell her to take his photos off her myspace page? Are we just playing into her hands if we let her know it upsets us? Is it better to ignore it? I feel very hurt by the photos. I feel like he should stick up for me. Even if she doesnt take them down, atleast we let her know that her behavior is inappropriate... right?
Don't mention the site
I do think you should just keep quiet about her site..maybe make your own site with your own photos and events :-). I just had something similar happen to me, but in reverse. I have a site with photos of family and mountains and one of my sweetie and me...his name isn't mentioned anywhere...anyway the stbx found my site and went off the deep end about that photo. I set my profile to private so she couldn't cause any more grief, but she sent me a nasty message through the site anyway. I just don't respond. It's not worth it. I am living with her ex...and we are moving forward with our lives, planning to get married next year in a very special place. She is a pain in the a$$ distraction that I am trying not to let hurt me.
Don't let them know they bother you...I'm not the best at this yet...but I am learning!!!
Hang In There
I can't believe the lengths some people go to for attention. Check out the laws in your state for stalking. You may have good reason for a restraining order etc. The nasty messages are proof. As the people say document EVERYTHING. I keep a calendar of events on Outlook and print it out when I need it. Also we have a telephone software through our telephone company that logs all incoming phone calls. It costs about 10.00 a month and it logs the calls via the internet. You can also print the calls out as solid proof of how many times this nutcase calls. I use it for the opposite. BM says she calls but she doesn't. She is just trying to make it look like we are keeping her away from her kids when in fact she is keeping herself away.
Also is there a way to contact the webmaster on My Space and complain that the pics posted are on there and request they remove it? Just kind of mention you are in the process of litigation. They may remove it I don't know but it is worth a try. Tell them the name of the profile and the pics your Fiance wants removed. Also get your Fiance to tell them this person is using the website to stalk him and if he has to he will also sue My Space for allowing it. I bet you will see some result.
Good Luck!
Don't give her the satifaction
My DH's ex has done some extrodonairy things to get him back, or make me mad enough to leave him. She would call after a pick/up drop off and tell me that my DH slept with her and ect...I have found out that ignoring her was the best thing to do. I actually laughed at her on several occasions but I NEVER lether know it bothered me b/c she would upped the ante.
So...ignore her. She is only doing this to get a reaction out of you and DH. Don't let her rent space in her head for free.
IF IT WAS EASY, EVERYONE WOULD DO IT.
I LOVE IT
The Don't let her rent space in her head for free. Good point!
Thank You
I figure any space someone's gonna take up in my head is gonna cost them something.
IF IT WAS EASY, EVERYONE WOULD DO IT.
Keep Track
Definitely don't have him remove the myspace pix... use that as evidence that she is unstable. The numerous voicemails in one night should fall under stalking laws. Check with your state for sure. Iknow in Texas it is five calls. Keep a specific journal and fight for custody because she is going to destroy that child.
Print out the my space pages of Pics..
For sure and then hand it all over for stalking evidence and she will probably be made to take them down eventually, and then you never told her to so she may well think they never bothered you.
Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*