"...I hate how I feel, I hate she is happy and I hate that I let her control me, I have him 25 days out of the month..."

I know these angry and hurt feelings all too well.

All I can say is stop letting her control you. Stop looking at the myspace because she surely posts for your benefit.

And START looking for what you need to do, be, say, find to make YOU happy. I know that's easier said than done. It's taken me 5 years to get it, and even now I am only really beginning to.

Hugs!

"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra

I hope your SS is doing ok! I'm so sorry for what you're going through, and I agree with Sita, the best thing to do is to stop letting BM control you. It took me years to do that as well. All I can recommend is focusing on the people and things in your life that make you most happy, and especially be there for SS as he recovers. Focus on the fact that he is a wonderful little boy to be around, and do fun things with him. You get the joy of having this sweet little boy for 25 days a month, and BM does not. She doesn't know what she's missing out on.

and let it out. Glad you are here to tell us how you feel. Sometimes just banging those words out on the keyboard can make you feel better, sometimes not. I am new here but I can relate to almost everything that is said here. Its very frustrating to feel as if your day just doesn't matter. And I imagine you might feel like who the heck is this woman to just swoop in and "make everything all better" after SS's oral surgery.....the truth is you are the real and committed caregiver to this child, and I applaud you for that, you should applaud yourself too. Also, I'm thrilled to know that I'm not the only one to check my ex's myspace page.....Hang in there friend.

at church the preacher did a lesson on hate! Needless to say I was extra all ears that Sunday and sometimes I think I feel hate towards BM but hate is a strong word. The preacher made 2 quotes/statements about hate that I wrote down and have posted at my desk at work. The first one I am going to list applies to you and me as well sometimes. Please read them write them down and think about them.

1.) you are a master to what you love and a slave to what you hate
2.) hate is a coward's revenge for being intimidated

Also in that sermon preacher stated people often say "oh that so and so makes me so mad!" but the preacher says no that person did not make you mad you allowed that persons actions to make you mad, you allowed it. Whoa! When thinking about what he said he is right we do not have to get mad at their actions we can let them go or chose to get mad. Now I know that the letting go part is way easier said than done. I struggle with it daily!

Kick back tonight with some wine and enjoy the alone time with you and your H!

But she was inspired on the subject by this quote which she includes in the book (it's loaded with them.)And I have now changed it to my signature so read below!

"When you take charge of your life, there is no longer need to ask permission of other people or society at large. When you ask permission, you give someone veto power over your life." ~Geoffrey F. Abert

Its Friday enjoy your time away from the kd. There are trackers one can put on myspace and every time that you go there she knows about it and it gives her the chance to play you. Send me the address and I will track her so she wont know you are doing it.

Rosedeer, there are some things that I don't understand. Why are you so gleeful that a child's mother only gets to be with him a set amount of time. It's almost as if you would keep her from seeing her son if you could manage it. She's his mother. Unless she's completely unfit, why WOULDN'T you want her to have extra time? I give my ex husband extra time all the time even though we already have 50/50, and he reciprocates...it's what's best for the kids and that's what you need to start thinking about. I don't understand why you would WANT to hurt her so badly.

I am a BM and I know what it feels like to be on your BM'S side of things, however, I also understand the step parent side of things because my husband is a SF. I hope you understand that I'm only trying to help because you are hurting everyone in your situation right now. You have to figure out how to get over this obsession and this desire to keep BM from her child.

You are so eloquent . . . and elegant!! I think you have hit the nail on the head on all counts.

"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin

I have been following your posts for awhile and girl you have my sympathies. I thought I had a crazy BM to deal with but yours takes the cake. Of course you think about this constantly after all this woman has put you through - what sane person wouldn't after they have been attacked over and over again and the things this woman has done to you is off the charts. I think BM in this case should have very limited time with her child period until, and only until she proves herself fit to be a mother. I'm suprised the court did not order her to go to counseling or have some sort of psych evaluation. I would be pissed if this woman had any extra time with SS even if she is his mother. What is she going to use that extra time for? To fill the kids head with more emotional damage. Your SS is going to need some seriously counseling after having to listen to all the emotional baggage from his mother. No child should have to be subjected to that. SS is better off with you and your hubby. Just because she gave birth to SS does not mean she is fit to be a parent. Hang in there Rosedeer and you will be in my thoughts and prayers!