Have taken 3 mgs of Xanax and I still want to rip his head off!

Seriously. I am SO sick of stupid shit that a drooling idiot could see coming over the hill a mile away happening with BM and FH standing like a deer in headlights in shock and disbelief! This after being together 20 years, married for 17 and separated for 4 with a bitter divorce raging. He STILL thinks she is capable of being decent despite her stabbing him in the back time after time.

Yet when I need him for something that is actually important and a surprise, he is too focused on BM's latest atrocity or the skids' latest idiocy to give me the time of day. I am SO ANGRY all the time now but today I really think is a new record. I am trying to calm down before he gets home because I am just not up for a fight - he is big on the "best defense is a good offense" and his MO is to attack when he knows I am mad. Normally I am up for the challenge but i just can't right now with everything going on in my life outside our relationship.

I have taken 3 milligrams of Xanax over the past 2 hours to try to calm down and there has been NO effect. I am still just as angry. Maybe i should go to the bookstore or back to the office or something so I am just not here when he gets home.....

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Ah. Glad to know I'm not the

Ah. Glad to know I'm not the only one with a DH with his head stuck in the sand. I'd just leave and not be there if I were you. Take however much time you need to calm down, and then not even mention it. Easier said than done I truly know but really, if he's anything like mine no amount of screaming or fighting will make a difference anyway so why put that undo stress on to yourself. Sometimes I wonder why they got divorced to begin with!!

What a turd! I would find

What a turd! I would find this very difficult - hope your weekend goes OK, and that he comes back and apologises.

Not so much. He came home,

Not so much. He came home, changed and left again immediately. According to his texts he is 'sick of my jealousy of his ex." Gee, FH - why would i be jealous when I am constantly battling to get your attention away from you focusing on her latest fuckery that you promised you would start turning over to your attorney?

I really don't know why he is bothering to divorce her. They don't love each other but they still hate each other so much and they keep messing with each other's heads so much that they may as well still be married. They are still living the last 5 years of their marriage! And meanwhile I, who was once so loved and treasured by him, am left begging for his attention.

My depression has been pretty deep - for those of you who have been following I lost my first husband of 17 years on Thanksgiving and we were still very good friends. I miss him horribly and I am the executor for his estate which is complex and is only making things harder to do the necessary healing. Far from cutting me a break, FH has been literally adding to my pain by picking fights and generally being a self-centered ass.

I am actually biting the bullet and going to a psychiatrist on Monday to see about the depression and a Dermatologist earlier that day because my facial skin has gone insane with a horrible itchy pimply rash. I used to have almost perfect skin - literally peaches and cream - and now even that is gone! My regular doc thinks it is stress.

Bottom line is that I have to get back to myself. And then self-absorbed FH who couldn't be bothered to support me in the darkest time in my life is going to FUCKING PAY!