When the problem is the IL's not the BMs.
My SS8's BM gives us problems often, but my SD19's BM doesn't. In fact we haven't seen or heard from her since Lazygirl's high school graduation.
Growing up, Lazy was allowed to fall into a very bad habit. She would live w/ one parent until she got in trouble or got irritated, then she'd go to the other parent. She's continued with this until our current situation. DH called her home for a meeting where he reprimanded her for several aspects of her behavior and character. He wasn't mean, rude, or even really angry. He just told her some things she didn't want to hear. So what does she do?...........call Grandma and Grandpa.
At this point DH's out-of-state parents are calling and harassing him via voicemail. Telling him he's an awful father. Saying he has never lived up to his responsibilities (WTH?!). Denouncing him for kicking his daughter out...which did not happen. So the girl has called them and told them lies about the family meeting. She was seeking warmth and consolation, for someone to tell her she's always perfect...and now she's driven a wedge between DH and his own parents.
I think she's despicable. DH thinks she's sitting back and having a good laugh at him and the situation. I wonder if she even knows the damage she's wrought. I am SO tempted to call her and tell her to get her fat lazy ass over here so I can give her a piece of my mind. My own mom and my DH have said its best for me to stay out of it and allow things to unfold so I don't get blamed for any of it.
DH is planning to wait it all out. If his family persists in this, he's going to send his daughter packing and break off contact w/ his parents. I hate to see this going to such an extreme place. I am afraid he's going to take that step you can't come back from. Some things can't be undone.
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We have a similar issue with SpermGrandMa.
Charming,
In our case, I am married to the Custodial Parent. My Wife has always had primary physical and legal custody of my SS (Now 17) and BioDad has had fairly extensive out of state visitation (5wks Summer, 1wk Winter, 1wk Spring).
BioDad is nearly totally uninvolved beyond seeing my SS for a couple of days during his visitations. My Son (SS) spends most of his visitation time with SpermGrandMa who is a royal PITA and a toothless dip-shit to boot. SpermGrandMa calls fairly regularly to run my Wife through the ringer on how unfair it is that my SS has nice things and her other three out-of-wedlock GrandSpawn by two othe mother's don't and how it is unfair that her son (BioDad) does not help her cover costs for any of the GrandSpawn (She and SpermGrandPa pay CS for my SS as well as raise BioDad's other three in their home while he lives rent free in a property they own).
Somehow in her damaged warped mind and character this is all my Wife's fault. We make it a point not to vent about the SpermClan in front of my SS but even he has commented at how screwed up his SpermClan (my phrase for the toothless idiots not his) is.
At this point in your situation I would have your DH inform his parents that he appreciates their input and that they are concerned but their input is neither solicited, wanted or valued and lay out how their coddling and less than intelligent blind support for HIS daughter is not helping her a bit.
I would not want to end or seriously damage my relationship with my parents if I was him so this needs to be addressed firmly but with some sensitivity in order to preserve his own relationship with his parents as much as possible.
Giving his parents clarity on this is critical to that young ladie's future. If she does not learn that SHE is responsible for fixing her life's problems now that she is ostensibly an "adult" she is in for a lifetime of repeating bad decisions and a lifetime of the associated unhappiness. Your DH needs to give his daughter clarity on this message in no uncertain terms. Also he needs to get firmly in her face and let her know that she will NOT jeopardize his relationship with his parents.
Hang in there.
Good luck and best regards,
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)
Love your sperm-references.
Thank you for sharing your story. How the spermGma could blame your wife is just rediculous!
I have tried to talk to him about it, but my DH is REALLY headstrong once he sets a course. I agree w/ you that he needs to focus on the source of the problem - SD19 - not his parents. Getting mad at them just perpetuates all this nonsense.
Ridiculous ..... Yes, but it somehow works for her.
I believe SpermGrandMa blames my Wife because SGM does not want to blame her own son and her crappy parenting that created him.
My wife and BioDad were never married. After my Wife left him (after he abandoned her and her infant son (my SS) in a ratty travel trailer for a 16yo) SpermGrandMa blamed my Wife for her dipshit son's behavior because "if you had been a better wife to him he would not have cheated on you".
As for the SpermClan issues we deal with ........ You can't fix stupid.
Good luck and best regards,
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)