TheCharm's Blog
hot and cold running ss8
Is it just because I'm Smom and have a lower status to Dudebug, or do all children run hot and cold? There are times when he's affectionate to the point where his dad is telling him to stop climbing on me and kissing me. Then, like yesterday when he came home from school, he saunters in barely casting me a glance and only giving me a noncommittal, "hey." after I said, "Hel-lo, Dudebug."
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Are they really "hurting"?
Does being the child of divorced parents really hurt? I think about half my students come from divorced families, blended or extended families. Back in the 60s-80s when divorce wasn't so common the kids had do deal with parents not being together, some whacked up scheduling, and the social stigma of probably being the only one in their class w/ divorced parents. But now? When the divorce rate is 41% (for first marriages)?
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When the problem is the IL's not the BMs.
My SS8's BM gives us problems often, but my SD19's BM doesn't. In fact we haven't seen or heard from her since Lazygirl's high school graduation.
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What the Weasel wants.
She wrote a long (two page) letter to DH covering a number of issues. Most of them truly laughable or insane. I finally have DH "trained" to stop getting mad at her crazy antics. In the middle of his rage a couple weeks ago, I quietly asked, "Why do you expect so much of her? You expect her to be normal or rational. Has she ever been?" It was a breakthrough for him. I reminded him that no one expects a drunk person, or a mentally ill person to be rational...similarly we know The Weasel is never rational, so stop getting mad when she's not. He uses it like a mantra now.
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Do your SKs ever call you mom?
Dudebug and I were waiting in the car while DH exchanged the propane tank. Dudebug started to ask a question and w/o thinking just said, "Mom, why is .....?" He stopped and I looked at him. Poor guy had a stricken look on his face, like he had done something awful and was expecting the worst.
I answered his question then said "Ya know, Dudebug, lots of kids call their stepmoms "mom". And you can too, either on purpose or accident. Its ok." He said "ok", but still calls me TheCharm.
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Family Meeting #2
SD19 contacted us at the last minute yesterday to see if she could come stay with us for the night. Usually that means she was fighting w/ her BM. DH told her yes but we have to talk about some things.
When DH got home from work he and I had a quick talk about what needed to be said. To be honest, we almost fought. I have far more harsh feelings about his manipulative, selfish, grown-ass daughter. His response to her crap is always "I've seen worse kids...she's not on drugs or pregnant!" Way to raise the bar of expectations! (sarcasm)
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Family Meeting #1
Something we've never done before. We sat Dudebug down and told him that he's old enough to have a big boy discussion. We talked about how his mom has been mad at us this past week. We don't know what she has said to him...and we don't want to know, we will never question him about his mother...but we want him to remember that he should trust his own judgment about people. Just because his mom says bad things about someone doesn't mean its always true. We used an example among his friends. We even addressed how his mom claims that I mistreat him. Reminded him how he disagreed with that.
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In limbo...DH left ball in BMs court
DH and BM are corresponding via terse letters now. She says he should be ashamed of his outburst toward her on phone in front of Dudebug. He reminds her of her obscenity-laden tirade at me in a parking lot two years ago while she was holding his hand and dragging him around in her rage. She refused the August visitation schedule without making alterations thereby indicating DH can't see his son that month.
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Needed input...
I posted a blog yesterday about a big problem that erupted with BM. I REALLY needed some advice but only Anita said anything.
So I will be contacting an attorney to find out what I need/want to do with BM. Last bight at bedtime DH admitted something more she said was she thinks I mistreat her son because he has said so more than once and she has seen on TV how women kill children. WTF?!
DH won't tell me more. He says he "doesn't remember". I think he's afraid that I will divorce him to get away from crazy.
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Falsely accused again. What do I do?
Today Dudebug got sick at camp. DH picked him up and called BM to say that since I am home for the summer, they are working, and its one of our days with him anyway, he would be dropping the Dudebug off with me at home to be provided care. She blew up at him and said I am not allowed to be alone with her child since I have mistreated him. DH and she got into a screaming match on the phone with Dudebug there in the car. Dudebug said, "She doesn't mistreat me, she's nice to me!" BM said that if DH leaves Dudebug with me she'll get a deputy and come to the house to get him.
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