I Have to Wonder How Far BM Would Go If DH Didn't Put Reigns on Her ...
I just overheard (fine - I eavesdropped) a conversation between SS9, SS11 and BM ... it bothers me because it seems totally inappropriate and harsh.
BM is a Stepmother. She has to deal with a woman who is an alcoholic, drinks and drives regularly and she is a 50/50 SM with her BF. She is the stepmother of a 13 year old boy and 9 year old girl. She also has a child with her BF - he is 3 years old.
Ironically, she USED to be all the same for me.
I really don't have issues with HER. Everything is unresolved and terribly unhealthy anger that I am harboring. I come here to figure out how to resolve the fact that I am just a stepmom.
At any rate, she has SS9 rooming with her SD9 when they go up there to visit in the summer. She gives SS11 his own room (it has been this way for over 5 years). At this age, this is totally inappropriate for a boy and girl to share a room. She adores SS11 and tolerates SS9 when they visit.
DH just called her and told her to fix this. She said "Fine. If you say so ..." And honestly, she probably will fix it. She normally does whatever he says (he is quite scary at how he can push her buttons).
WHY DOES IT TAKE DH TELLING HER THIS IN ORDER FOR HER TO FIX something? Why doesn't common sense apply to this woman?
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Comments
I am glad that BM listens
I am glad that BM listens when dad has ideas, all too often these BM's think they run the show not only at their own homes but at dads house too. I do agree with you that it is inappropriate for a boy and girl at age 9 share a room when there is another boy to share the room with.
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full
It just makes sense for the
It just makes sense for the boys to room together. The SD can room with the 3 yr old. She may have thought about doing this but never actually put it into action. After all it is just summers that she sees them right? I guess I am just giving her the benefit of the doubt.
I am glad she agreed without a fight.
I would agree with you
I would agree with you except that while DH and I both deployed in 2007 (SS9 would have been 7 then), she had her SD and SS9 sleeping in same bed. Her reasoning was that SD stays there MWF so not much could happen.
She was wrong. SS9 has said SD touched him in spots (sounds like curiosity but we are not morons either). I asked if he ever said anything to BM and he said "No cuz she won't do anything about it." But that is another blog.
I guess what I am saying about this whole thing is ... if it makes sense then do it. Her favoritism for SS11 blinded her logic.
How can you favor a child when you give birth to them? I mean, as a stepmother, I have had to warm up to the skids and even now, I have a problem letting SS11 get close (he is the reason I had to change my account here as BM started using my blogs against me, DH and the youngest). I love these children as individuals, for their personalities and respect that they will be grown ups so it is my duty to take care of them and make them positive contributors to society. But I can't favor one over the other. It is unethical and not healthy for either child.
So how does a BM do it? A woman who states that she is bonded instinctively to her babies (but neglected and abused the youngest for the first year)?
I don't know how you could
I don't know how you could favor one child over another....I can't.
A lot of people are mentally unstabale, seriously, a chemical inbalance. It sounds like she is suffering from that.
Poor kids.