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Why? Why? Why?

TheOtherMom's picture

Submitted by TheOtherMom on Wed, 04/14/2010 - 10:04pm

Tonight I went to baseball practice with SS9.
I have tossed the ball with him, taught him to catch, encouraged him. Dh has spent double this time.

DH took SS11 to a Boy Scout event to earn his Swimming badge.

BM called SS9 (most likely because SS11 didn't answer his and SS9 is second to SS11, always).

SS9 was so happy "Mom" called. He told her everything he learned from Coach and that he is pretty good at baseball ... She said "good great" and all those words of pride and encouragement. SS9 ate it up. We teach him to express gratitude for when people do things for him so he says thank you whenever DH or I show him something. He really is a good kid.

I feel so sick.

That stupid cow gets all the recognition for the things we do for him.

I will always be second and I can't take it.

Comments

alwaysme's picture

Submitted by alwaysme on Wed, 04/14/2010 - 10:28pm

I know, yes you will always be second.... unfortunately i have come to realise the same. I do so so so much for my step kids too and yet they fly off the seat when the phone rings cos it is their mum. Despite how many bad things she has done to them. She has taken them from their father for months at a time she has lied to them about us and is just outright awful, yet i never say anything nasty and i know they care and love me but their mum is still gonna be number 1... i dont get it either !!!! hopefully when they grow up they will see things for what they really are

TheOtherMom's picture

Submitted by TheOtherMom on Thu, 04/15/2010 - 7:41am

At the risk of sounding incredibly juvenile - and I really don't give a damn if I do - that is absolute horse crap!!!
How can you be okay with this?
Why are we expected to be okay with this?
It's not just what I DO ... it's how I feel. I give them all my love. I make the sacrifices that a MOTHER makes. Does she? HELL NO. In the realities of life, this bites.
AND THIS IS WHY BEING A SM sucks. To be second to an oxygen thief does not compute.

stepmom008's picture

Submitted by stepmom008 on Thu, 04/15/2010 - 8:27am

I'm confused... when did she get recognition? From your post it sounds like SS9 just told her all of the things that he's been learning and that she was supportive. What am I missing?

"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".

TheOtherMom's picture

Submitted by TheOtherMom on Thu, 04/15/2010 - 9:38pm

I guess I didn't communicate all the other stuff from past blogs ...
He hardly ever talks to her when she calls so this was a big deal and she did the "I am proud of you" routine so he kept going and going. He wants her approval so badly.

StepMadre's picture

Submitted by StepMadre on Thu, 04/15/2010 - 8:33am

I think it was just that kids brag to their parents when they do a good job or are proud and most of the time the parent gets automatic recognition because it's assumed that they helped their kid (rides, money, support, uniforms, time spent...) and are proud because "their" child did something cool.

I think the gist is that the BM didn't do anything to help her kid with his extracurriculars, yet she is the one who got the enthusiastic, excited phone call conversation (rather than the SM who put her heart into helping her skid) and the implicit recognition that "her" child did something cool, therefore she must take the credit. It's a weird dynamic, but it seems to be how kids and parents work...

(randomly, another thing I find odd: why do people get so excited and proud over the weight of a baby? I can understand being stoked at ten fingers and no extra arms, but doesn't a higher weight just mean that the mom ate more cheetos during the nine months? Not a huge accomplishment as such)

"If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they will kill you." ~Oscar Wilde