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I finally broke down and make an appointment with a therapist

theoutsider's picture

Submitted by theoutsider on Wed, 10/23/2013 - 12:42pm

It seems like so much is piling up in my life,.. each individual thing on its own would be difficult to handle, but I've got SEVERAL HUGE DEALS all wrapped into one,...
I really don't know what I'm going to get from this conversation, or if it will even do any good. I guess talking and ranting on here just isn't doing enough for me. Do I really need a professional to tell me what I already know? That I'm in too deep, that there is too much on my plate, that I need to take more time out for me?

Here is my list:

-BM is making my life all about her
-BM physically and verbally confronts me about every other week
-my boyfriend still won't make our engagement"official"
-he wants to start premarital counseling, but only after harvest is over, just one more set back
-I just recently in the last year lost the physical ability to do my dream job
-I have no idea what new direction I want to take or can take career wise
-I have physical pain daily from a year old injury
-Just had surgery on my dominant hand from this injury
-I hate my current job because I am not acknowledged for my hard work
-the kids lie to me and my boyfriend does very little about it
-my boyfriend is still struggling with giving BM everything she wants
-court date was set, for my birthday, woohoo
-I am physically one or two hours away from all of my friends and family
-I do all of the housework and don't feel appreciated
-my boyfriends kids playfully order me around "you need to get milk we are out"
-I can't treat his kids as I would if they were my own, or as my mother treated me, I have no control over them at all

I'm sure my list goes on, that's just what fell out of my head right here and now,...

Comments

Delilah's picture

Submitted by Delilah on Wed, 10/23/2013 - 12:52pm

Several years back I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown, it was made worse because I have several chronic medical problems which were being made more severe by DH's baggage and his refusal to shield me from his looney ex, spoilt child, mental family and the fact he constantly was the "yes" man to BM.

I had some HARD decisions to make and while talking/venting is therapeutic, it can only help to a degree. What you must realise the only person who can *really* help YOU is YOU and this means you need to figure out what will make you happy and how you can destress.

Personally I HAD to take a step back from anything relating to skid/BM. That meant, DH did not discuss her with me unless it was a need to know urgent situation. I had to train myself to disengage from that mess. I stopped talking to DH's family and took steps to manage my privacy at home. I stopped hoping or asking DH to help me, and instead put my happiness first. I prioritised ME.

Was DH happy about this? Nope.
Did he confront me over it and attempt to change my mind? Yep.

I just walked away and consistently would only talk calmly to him if he reciprocated.

anotherstepmom's picture

Submitted by anotherstepmom on Wed, 10/23/2013 - 1:11pm

I-m so happy This, please do this. It's good advice. It is very good to see a counselor/therapist, but Delilah is right, only you can help you. Disengage and step back, you deserve to be happy and healthy!!

bellladonna's picture

Submitted by bellladonna on Wed, 10/23/2013 - 1:25pm

Good for you! My therapist told me that as women, we tend to put our husbands and children first, but we need to OURSELVES first. Take care of yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally. I was kind of at the same place you are now. I decided to get help.

My therapist also told me that my problem is not BM or the skids it's my husband. And she was right. Once I started talking things out she helped me realize that a lot of these issues stem from him.

bearcub25's picture

Submitted by bearcub25 on Wed, 10/23/2013 - 4:20pm

Maybe moving back to where you have family and friends may help your career move forward, even in a direction you do not know is there.

Sometime depression and stress make injuries and illnesses worse or unbearable. My therapist was really good and I was able to talk a lot of things out. One thing he kept reiterating is that I was the only one that knew if staying in my relationship was what I wanted. After the therapy and making changes in my relationship with DSO and skids, things improved for me.