Ohh selfish me...
So Dh has been applying for a job out of town with my father. This is a job with oppertunities for advancement and possible trades training. It comes with a pay increase of about $800 a month, but is a 12 hour drive away. I'm excited for him. He has been stuck at the same shit job for the last 8 years of his life. His dad is one of his bosses and there is no room for advancement. The job out of town is a week on, then week off. However with travelling it would be about 5 days home.
Here's my issue. I am expecting my first child with Dh in July. Currently we are on an every other weekend access schedual. If Dh takes this job he wants to arrange to have SD for three days on his time home. It would work out to the same amount of time as it is now but I have a problem with this.
I am afraid that having Sd for over half the time that Dh has at home will prevent him from being able to focus on "our" family. We will have no time to plan for me and him, also his attention will be on sd (or the baby) and not only will I be left out but one of the kids will to. He is a terrible multi-tasker and can't even wash the dishes while making macaroni!
My solution:
I asked Dh if he would consider 2 days a week when he is home. That way he would have three days to focus on our family and two days to cater to Sds attention needs. Dh thinks I'm being selfish and I just don't want his daughter around.
What are your opinions on this matter?
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Comments
That sounds like a good
That sounds like a good compromise to me. 2 extra days of SD is better than no extra days of SD. I understand where you're coming from though FW always wants the kids at the house when we have days off work and them out of school. It's exhausting, and I'm sure especially with a new baby around.
Try telling him how you feel abot it, like you said here.
I hope he gets the job, I have a lot of friends who work on oil rigs and they do week on week off and LOVE IT. Their wives love it too lol, more free time for them.
I think it would be great
I think it would be great for us. I can work on my independance and build a strong relationship with my baby, and he can have the chances to learn new things!
I tried explaining this to him, and I think I was even more empathetic then I was here, but he can't stand the idea of "losing" 2 days a month with Sd. I'm terrifed shes not going to adjust well to the new baby, she's still jealous of me and will try to prevent dh from sitting with me and cuddling with me. I can't imagine what its going to be like with a little baby who needs soo much of our time, especailly in the beginning.
Hmmm... Is this blog boring?
Hmmm... Is this blog boring?
I am just slow and trying to
I am just slow and trying to wrap my head around the concept of the 2 days vs 3 days... I promise, I will get it lol...
~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~
lol... we're in some good
lol... we're in some good heated discussions right now... I think this one just kinda got left in the dust. Maybe I should add some CAPS to the title.
*tantrum* I just want to
*tantrum*
I just want to know if I am being selfish in asking DH to spend more time with me and our child then with his SD, who we don't have primary custody of.
I think I get it now. You
I think I get it now. You want him to only spend 2 of his off days with her as opposed to 3?
Playing devil's advocate here, do you think DH may respond and say that SD is his family just as much as your child is, and why is it fair to devote one more off day to your family than SD, since SD is his family as well?
~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~
If she keeps up with her
If she keeps up with her attitude, violence ect..
Yay some feed back! Thank
Yay some feed back! Thank you!
"HIs daughter is only good enough to spend two days with and your child will be three?"
I think my biggest fear is that he will ignore me and my child the way he ignores me now when SD is around. He's not a disney land dad, but when SD comes to visit the whole world revolves around her. He has never developed the ability to just let her be a kid and play with all her toys. He does the "helicopter parenting" that seems to be the new fad for parents these days. When we had her for one week on and one week off and I was watching her, she'd be soo excited just to be left alone to play with her barbies or dollies, while I worked out or cleaned the house. But when she visits now, Dh gives her his complete undivided attention. I have seen him burn soup because he was more worried about leaving her side then making her lunch.
Does this mean I'm going to be responsible for everything except playing with SD when we have her? Will I only have two days of him helping to parent our child?
"For two of those days you help him with both children. On the third day, he does it on his own and you take the day to spend on you."
Ohh this would be great! I think its an awesome idea but I'm terrified that it will just be me doing everything and him doing what he normally does.
We're going to try the 3 days thing first I'm sure, but I just feel cheated honestly. Idk it could just be something I'm going to have to work out for myself.
Thank you for listening!
I think I was just having
I think I was just having one of those terrible "But what about me and mine?" moments. I know this choice is not a selfish one of his. I'm not asking him to give up his daughter, maybe one evening. Idk. We'll see how this all works out.
I'm from a family that has never experienced divorce. Dad was away alot when I was a child (Military does that!) but when he got home it would to a happy family. I'm just worried that my kid(s) will miss out on their time with him, or sd will miss out on her time. I thought that splitting it up 2 days with our family, one with me, two with sd was fair. He's only going to have 10 days at home a month.