Did Anyone Go Through The Pre-PASout "I have an BM Family Event To Attend To So I Can't Do Visitation" Phase?
You, know, the BM family reunions that annually occurred every other weekend? Or national pickle appreciation day? Or "I'm going school clothes shopping" and you can't help but notice it's the month of May?
The ceremonial rolling out of the lamest excuses as to why skids can't come to visitation? Now normally when kids get to be just around pre-teen, they want to go to their friends houses.
NO mention of friends for the most part when they were at our house. Just weak excuses that would blow a lie detector to bits over the phone just before daddykins was to pick them up.
You could hear the raspy whispering of the Girhippo (BM) in the background making up the pre-PASout excuse of the week and relay it to stuttering skid trying to come up with another good one ala Ferris Bueller.
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I agree. This was back when
I agree. This was back when Chef thought that "making them come over equals him being a bad father/ogre." (TM)
Yes, we went through this. BM
Yes, we went through this.
BM absolutely didn't comply, refused to acknowledge the CO for visitation. DH didn't hesitate to call the police for assistance, after once or twice of her BS. BM had all kinds of stupid excuses: Church (even though she had never attended before), Skid was sick (virtually all the time), skid had friends over, they had a party to attend, etc. It escalated quickly, they went to court and the judge demanded BM comply, hand over skid on visitation at the correct time, or else.
The skid was drinking the Kool-Aid then, hated DH and was a total brat when she did visit. Always cried, wanted to leave almost immediately. It was horrible.
BM refused to comply, and eventually lost custody. Now there is zero contact, zero visitation.
BM had no regard for anyone
BM had no regard for anyone but herself. She wanted DH cut out completely.
And SD13 did not like me at all then, her mom had effectively poisoned her against me.
It's been almost 5 years now, so things are different. SD no longer wants anything to do with her mom, refuses to even speak on the phone to her.
As far as SD and I, it's difficult. Its not that she doesn't like me, but she resents me, she wants DH to herself. I am a far stricter parent than DH, so that is rough. I am disengaged because I just cannot deal with the lack of parenting, and the guilt and coddling. But SD is thriving, she has a much, much better life than she ever would have with BM.
I'm counting down the years until she's 18 and off to college.
Chef was brainwashed to think
Chef was brainwashed to think that calling the po po would be "traumatizing" for the skids.
Hell, when Chef and the Gir foot dragged for almost 2 yrs on starting divorce proceedings, Chef, under my prodding, agreed to start a pro se divorce. The Gir said the skids were "traumatized" by having a deputy show up at her door and hand her the papers!
I don't know in what world
I don't know in what world these BMs live in but my DH, a custodial parent, has never even thought about BM's visit being a choice. We have stuff like games that happen on the weekends but it's just "Games at 10, be there" and if she doesn't want to bring him then SS misses. She let SS "quit" football on "her" time after the second game he was a bench warmer (smallest kid on the team and JUST turned five) but he still wanted to play when he's home with us so we go to practice Mon-Fri and he misses the games on Saturdays. DH has never just assumed BM wouldn't get her visit just because SS had somewhere to be. BM would burn our house down if DH ever acted like he wasn't going to give SS to her.
...On the other hand I have noticed that BM has no qualms about telling BabyDaddy#2 when he can't have his son, Spawn. She usually refuses him his EOWE visit if it's an important day like Spawn's birthday or a holiday. They didn't go to court and so Babydaddy#2 just gets whatever BM will give him.
unfortunately not.... BM will
unfortunately not....
BM will say - no Aergia you can't visit I have plans with my own family.... but for the past month those 2 have been as thick as thieves again.... something's up...
children do not have the
:jawdrop: children do not have the right to choose what they want to do and with whom - if CO stipulates you are with DAD then you are with DAD over and done with, Mum can do what ever she wants, but it's not her time
DH and I didn't even have the
DH and I didn't even have the pleasure of an excuse. The OSS and MSS just stopped coming over. BM would determine when they came and DH never fought her on it.
Of course DH would try to include the SS's when we were going to go do something fun or special.
I put my foot down on that one. I pointed out there is no reason to invite them to go do something special with us if they refuse to come any other time. I felt like he was just rewarding their bad behavior. He finally stopped and that worked for a while. The SS's started coming back around again. But it didn't last long.
Now the only time he hears from them is when they want to go out to eat or need money. DH is getting better about saying NO!