Low Expectations and Self Praise Over Nothing
In the last 30+ years, the inclination in the Western world is to self-congratulate, have little to no expectations and to overpraise mediocre, at best, performance. Striving for excellence is frowned upon as discriminatory due to the lack of an "equal playing field."
Newsflash: There will never be an equal playing field no matter HOW HARD government tries to engineer it by bringing down the achievers to prop up those who haven't achieved for one reason or another; usually due to sheer laziness.
I've noticed this with Chef. He needs to be praised and stroked for the smallest tasks that, I would think, he would be chomping at the bit to perform seeing his horrific financial circumstances and minimal, if any, contribution to me. The bragging about the tiniest thing is mind blowing!! I was always taught NEVER to brag about one's accomplishments. That it was gauche at best and disgusting at worst.
And the children today failing to launch due to parents trying to shield them from every negative experience; not allowing them to experience failure as a motivator to do better the next time. Children are rewarded and praised for the most mundane of tasks bordering on biological functions.
I don't know, but I was brought up with the parable of the ten talents. I was raised in a bible thumping atmosphere--I'm not a religious person today, but I feel it's really apt.
The guy who makes a good effort? Praised.
The guy who makes the best effort? Praised even more.
The guy who stays at status quo and thinks he's great for doing so? Reprimanded
Then the guy who made the best effort is given the slacker's investment money, profits and succeeds.
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That is awesome. My Dad did
That is awesome. My Dad did something similar. When I forgot my homework one day, he told me to go back and get it and to not return home unless I had it. Of course the school was locked up, I had to drag the dumpster over and climb in through a window that was ajar. Yes, my Dad made me COMMIT A CRIME in order to get at my forgotten homework. I never forgot my homework again. After getting ONE bad mark in my report card, Dad threatened me with following me to school every day and standing over me in class. He said "Every time I see you not paying attention, I'm whacking you upside the head!". The teachers said that my demeanor in class was so dramatic, they were shocked.
DW insists that my Dad's methods were extreme....
I have a bachelor's in Engineering
My brother has an MBA.
Thinkthrice, please remind me
Thinkthrice, please remind me again WHY you stay with this man????
OMG!! This is one of my
OMG!! This is one of my biggest bitches, especially when it comes to schools. In our district, social promotion is the norm. Even if you fail, you get to move ahead with your classmates for the sake of your tender self-esteem. WTH? SS15 has been socially promoted since fourth grade, even though he failed academically. I guarantee you it's doing nothing for his self-esteem except make it even worse. Every year he's unprepared because he learned nothing the year before. He's behind his classmates who actually did learn and feels bad about himself because he can't keep up.
DH petitioned to have him held back last year, and several of his teachers agreed, but it wasn't approved. It's ridiculous.
The work ethic these kids are going to have makes me fear for the future of our country. As SS15 has told us several times now when asked why he doesn't do his work, "Why should I do the work when they're going to pass me anyway?" (How about, so you're not a complete dumbass? But the kid does have a point.)
THEN, when his final report card came in and he had failed three core courses for the quarter and passed for the year with a 65, 65 and 66, what does BM have to say? "Way to go, buuuuuudy!! You're amazeballs! Onward and upward to high school! That's my boooooiiiii!" :jawdrop: A comment on his report card- "SS should be commended for his positive attitude." In a class he failed and constantly said he hated. What "positive attitude"?
It's sickening. It truly is. SS15 is convinced that he will graduate HS, go to a top college for computer technology, and instantly be launched into an executive position as soon as he graduates.
Yeah. The kid who did not realize until he was told that you have to be good at math and science to work in the computer field. The kid who did not realize until he was told that you can't just go to any college you want; that you have to be accepted. ("You doooooooooo?") The kid who thought it would cost, "Uuuuhhhh....about $500 a year?" to go to college.
Of course, when you're praised daily for merely existing, I guess you would be entitled.
Nothing like making kids feel
:jawdrop: Nothing like making kids feel special for being completely mediocre...or worse!
Sounds like my skids school
Sounds like my skids school district. "Positive attitude" (even after skipping classes and failing miserably, sassing back the teachers and causing a general disruption)
I just found out, through the
I just found out, through the wife of a good friend of mine, that the system is even worse than I thought it was. I was told that the state has a "quota" on the amount of kids who are allowed to fail. Yes, you read that right. The state will only allow a certain percentage of the student population to fail. Not pass. FAIL! The ones who fail, drop out, etc. will simply languish in the system until they reach the age of 18. By then, they are no longer required to attend school; hence they are no longer a problem of the state. This is why there are quite a number of students, who really have no business being promoted to the higher grade and graduating, are being able to do so.
And this number is growing every year.
There is absolutely ZERO incentive on the education system's part to see our kids excel. That burden falls on the parents, or in the rare case, that teacher who is truly devoted to their job and these are a rare breed. In the words of my SS's math teacher "Pass or fail, I don't care, I am just here for my pay check".
Nope. I'm not British, but I
Nope. I'm not British, but I do have ancestral ties to Britain and have some distant cousins/relatives there.
My mother is Acadian (French Colonial descendant) and my father is a mix of British and Asian.
But people say I look Italian...Go figure.
It's funny how we associate names with places. For some reason, your name makes me think of Cappadocia... I take it you're not from there and your name is a mnemonic of something else?
I have been told again and
I have been told again and again, that my expectations are too high. My family and friends have backed the hell off. The kid is now in BME at a top engineering school and they have all commended my parenting. But, I will tell you this, the kid has to have a 3.3 GPA to keep his 100 tuition paid, so what does he do. He just got his grades for the summer and he has a 3.38. Because that is all he needs, that is all he gets.
We have dumbed down these kids and it is our fault. I refuse to let this be for him. He knows if he loses the scholarship, I will take a loan out in his name for the difference. I will pay the 6K remaining each semester, but never more. He is capable of a 4.0 in college, he just doesn't need it.
So my job as his mom, is to keep him in line and if that is threatening a loan for the difference, I will do it. I could afford the difference, I just refuse to buckle on this one. He is lazy and needs some accountability.
My husband buys SS a freakin'
My husband buys SS a freakin' trophy every year for finishing the school year. Like he's some kind of special for finishing... like it's above and beyond what he's supposed to do...
Reminds me of that King of
Reminds me of that King of the Hill episode where Bobby's mom gives him a trophy for being "The Best Me"
A few years back, OSS got an
A few years back, OSS got an award for "reddest hair" :barf:
YSS got recognition for "putting his hand up better"
I kid you not!
I just wanted to throw in a
I just wanted to throw in a couple of antidotes:
1. I am in IT for a school district. I had to help a student who was having issues with her computer. I was not able to help her at all. Why not, you ask? Well, because she didn't speak ANY English. Why they would start a student who doesn't speak English in an English-based curriculum in 9th grade without FIRST teaching her the language, is beyond me. A teacher I spoke with said they would be forced to promote her to the next grade level. There is NO WAY IN HELL that a kid can learn English PLUS everything you learn up to and INCLUDING 9th grade in only ONE YEAR.
2. When I was in school, I got a lot of good grades. I was self-motivated from a young age. I had a cousin who my mom and grandma kind of raised because her mother was 14 when she had her. This girl didn't do well in school at all. I remember one time when MY parents bribed her with a TELEVISION to bring an F up to a D. She did and got praises all the way around. In the same time period, I got straight As. I was so proud and took my report card to show my parents. My mother YELLED at me because I had missed three days of school (conveniently forgetting that they took me OUT of school to visit her relatives far away!).
I don't understand the rewarding for mediocrity.