You are here

Man-O-Pause Rant

thinkthrice's picture

Aka Grumpy old man.  Chef has always been arrogant and haughty but he just seems to be getting worse and worse.  He's completely off his blood pressure meds now and has gone back to his own routine of drinking and eating whatever he wants. 

He does work very hard and he has a lot of projects in the hopper but he is taking his day out on me continually.  Examples:  I was just explaining to him how I spent almost the entire day mulching and string trimming the rental properties to make them look great and he immediately snaps back with "You need to do the backyard  at 123 Maple Street!" For clarification this is the four family that we haven't even really started rehabbing yet.

Then he started complaining about the outdoor bar stools.  We've had them for 4 years and he never complained but now they're completely uncomfortable and suck (his words.)

The other day I was talking to him and he starts up a loud youtube video on his laptop right while I'm trying to talk to him.   I had to say "excuse me I'm trying to say something" and he did actually stop the video which was miraculous.

Then I asked to borrow the hand cart so I could move big bags of mulch around and I went out this morning to grab the hand cart and I asked "can I get the hand cart now?" and he snaps "I told you it was in the van!"

Then he was belligerent to a younger worker the other day and wouldn't believe him that the clogged drain was the town's problem and not ours after practically several days and purchasing two long snakes.   Jeff was actually wrong here which was probably a huge let down for him because he's never wrong.

The other day a customer complimented him that he looked a lot younger than he is and he couldn't help gushing over it all day... definitely made sure I knew about it.  ( insert eye roll)

When he cooks dinner it's not that good but he goes on to praise his own cooking and "yum yum yum yum wonderfully delicious" while he's eating.  When I make a meal that's absolutely delicious he'll scarf it all down but then say it was just "good."

During said drain cleaning this week he kept the bulkhead doors open on the property to air out the place and I did not know this because he constantly leaves things around never finishes things and I have to usually clean up after everything he does so I close the bulkhead doors to keep straight animals from getting in as this neighborhood has a stray cat issue.

He snapped at me for that saying I should have asked him first before closing the bulkhead doors because he's trying to air out the place.  

There is no pleasing him and it is always as though I can never do enough.   Oddly enough my second husband was a lot like this very demanding and impossible to please.

You really can't win and at this point I've stopped trying.  

/vent over


Rags's picture

Chef is going down a very painful road. For years my FIL did not take  his BP meds or at best took half a dose. A cost thing according to MIL and FIL. Meanwhile some years later and back at the no longer farm/ranch house in a subdivicsion, FIL was on home dialysis, plugged in 8hrs a day, unable to work, barely able to walk, etc, etc, etc... He did 6yrs ago in his mid 60s.

High BP destroys the kidneys. No kidneys and many other body systems start to crap out. It is not just a oh well thing. It is all increasingly painful and not any way anyone would choose to go.  My FIL deined to inform the family at a park during a visit 6yrs before he died that he was in kidney failure and though his docs wanted him to start immediate home dialysis to preserve his remaining kidney function that he was not going to do it.  He made it about a year and a half before he had no choice but to go on dialysis though his plan was to wait 5years.  He barely lived 5 more years much less avoiding going on dialysis for as long as possible.   

I have been on BP meds for more than 40 years. I went on them in my late teens as protection against kidney degradation due to my Dx as a T-1 diabetic. 44 years ago this year.  Because I have kept my head in the T-1 diabetes care game, for the most part anyway, my kidney function labs are in the normal range for a non diabetic, as is my cholesterol (after I went diligently low carb), etc... My only diabetes related side effects are ... no hair on my legs. None. And, diabetic retinopathy. My visition is fine but the retinopathy causes ruptured blood vessels in my retinas that interfere in my visition until the blood breaks up and clears.  I have learned that being manically diligent about avoiding high BG resulted in lower BG and periodic regular hypo glycemic episodes. Lows... are contributory to retinal hemhoraging.  Not a study that was done 40+ years ago when I started the T-1 journey.

I hope I do not end up unable to drive and work.  But, if that is as bad as it gets, I will declare a win.

Basic care is not a rocket science concept. A pill or a dozen a day, half a dozen injections/day, a dozen finger poke blood tests/day, and avoiding carbs, while certainly a PITA is a small price to pay for not being an invalid burden on family rotting in a chair in painful misery plugged into a machine while waiting to die.

If I ever find myself on the steep but extended glide slope of end of life misery that my FIL put himself and his family through, I am going to go for a slow and hobbling hike in grizzly country with a steak tied around my neck or a swim at a Great White Shark beach with a raw steak wetsuit and at least not suffer for long or make my family suffer my rotting degredation.

I am still angry at my FIL for what he put himself and his family through. He was stubborn. He knew full well he should be taking his meds. He chose to not take care of  himself.  I miss him. He was a teddy bear of a man with a laugh like no other. 

Just my thoughts of course.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

TT, I think you are one of the smartest, coolest, most perceptive people on this site. Your beautiful soul just shines. But your picker is broken, girl. Chef is a pos. He's an abusive, ignorant Ahole.

You've made your choices, and it's not our place to judge them. I just want you to know that you do have people that recognize how awesome you are. And that I hope that waste of skin chokes to death on his own cooking... soon.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

^^Every single word of this. Chef is in dire need of a Double Flying Five Fist Monkey Nut Punch. *diablo*

Rags's picture

Even when it is targeted at some other dipshit, as a man, the punching of nuts is an anxiety inducing threat.


Aniki-Moderator's picture


Rags's picture

Please accept my profuse regrets and sincere appologies for any past, present, or future offense.


Sorry 2

ESMOD's picture

sounds like my exh.. I told him.. since I get crap for doing it wrong..or not doingit... I might as well be lazy.. same crap either way.

StepUltimate's picture

Don't have any wisdom to share but sure do hate it that you get treated that way. You're one of my favorite people on this site - super-smart, witty, knowledgeable about managing rental properties, and a survivor of a true nightmare stephell saga. 

I wish Chef would wake up and take care of his health and start appreciating you, instead of splattering his self-inflicted misery in a 3D radius. Instead of being a cruel jerk about to stroke out during a rage-out.

Can you schedule some self-care and take some time away? Sounds like you need a break... before you break! A day, a weekend, ir a week?

AlmostGone834's picture

I've found that the only way to deal with a man stuck in permanent grump mode is to out-grump them. 

He raises his voice about 123 Maple St? Raise yours even LOUDER.

"I'll get to that property when I'm GOOD and READY!! If it bothers you so much, haul your hypertensive a- over there and handle it yourself! Remember I am you WIFE NOT your employee that you can order around!"

He yells at you about leaving the doors open? Yell right back.

"If I didn't have to follow you around like a five year old closing doors and picking up behind you this wouldn't have happened! Next time if you want door left open walk your hypertensive a- up to me and tell me!"

He thinks his cooking is so good? Humph tell him good, he can be in charge of shopping and cooking and cleaning it all up and dishes from now on and if you want something yummy, you'll make it for yourself. Take some work off your plate. Enjoy your own cooking. If he buys too much, let him. Then when the cupboards overflow complain loudly and often about how you can't find anything, there's 30 of everything and 20 of it has gone bad and it's WASTEFUL! 

When he going on about someone complimenting him say "Enjoy it while you can, DH because the rate you're ping with your eating and drinking and high BP, your compliment days are running out"

ect etc.


Lillywy00's picture

He's completely off his blood pressure meds now and has gone back to his own routine of drinking and eating whatever he wants.

Let him eat and drink what he wants lol....

Just make sure you're the irrevocable beneficiary on all his life insurance policies and his Medicare included home health aids/nursing  homes/etc and his premiums paid out of his bank accounts. 

The more you try to play mommy 2.0 the more he will resent / rebel

THIS is prime example of why men's health insurance, life insurance, car insurance, etc is higher ... they stay taking un-calculated risks with no care to whom it negatively affects 


Is he older than you? If so, you may want to start discreetly looking into retirement communities  once he is invalid (the worse his behavior is now, the lower the star rating lol)  ... grouchy old man gone eff around and find out! 

thinkthrice's picture

He got turned down for life insurance last year due to his liver enzymes were too high.  He is 8 yrs YOUNGER than me.   I could never get a policy on him.

Harry's picture

Expecally blood pressure . He going to blow out his kidneys,  as stop working.  Heart problems, stoke.   He will become a vegetable.   Not a way to live.