I just got this text from BM (sorry for lack of her puncutation, etc)
THIS IS JUST A COPY OF WHAT I SENT SO JUST NOW I JUST THOUGHT YOU SHOULD BE A PART OF THIS PLACE WHERE AT CUZ IT DOES INCLUDE YOU I WOULD REALLY LIKE TO SET UP SOMETHING TIGER I HAVE A LOT OF IDEAS TO MAKE THE SPECIAL FOR SD18 COULD WE MAKE A TIME TO GET TOGETHER BUT AGAIN I WOULD LIKE TO KEEP IT QUIET FROM HER. (this is the text she sent to SO):
Please try and loosen up when you talk to me I really made a big step and trying to make a relationship with Tiger and I am talking to your daughter about trying to spend time with you please try speaking to me nicely I really want to make this work or finally divorced I just want to be parents that get along for our kids I'd like to start planning SD18's grad party together but please don't tell her anything I'd like it to be a surprise especially if we an do it together this is a Monumental step in our daughter enterin the world as an adult I think it's time to show her that we can be adults and actually plan it together course I'd much rather work with Tiger she is much better taste than you lol. (I texted her back saying I was at work and would have to reply later)
SO forwarded her text to me just before she sent it to me. He was asking how I thought he should respond. Here are my thoughts:
1. She never wants to work with SO unless she wants something. In this instance, probably wants him to front the money for this joint party
2. We don't even know if SD18 is going to graduate. Since my daughter works for the school, she tells us when SD18 is there and not there - she still seems to be missing a lot of days. And there's some graduation interview all seniors have to do and SD hasn't done it yet
3. I don't trust BM
4. I don't want to be friends with BM
5. If one thing doesn't go her way, she will cause a huge argument
6. Another reason why she wants a joint party is because I'm sure she knows his family will not attend one that just she throws but will come if he and I throw a party.
7. He would need my help financially to throw a party and I am not willing to plan or pay for anything until I know for sure that she's graduating
Also - the final divorce decree was mailed by priority mail last weekend but clearly she doesn't know they're actually divorced. She probably didn't even read the paperwork.
UGH - that beast of a woman!!
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Comments
He does't want to do a party
He does't want to do a party with BM, does he?
He should just tell her that he thinks it's best if they each do their own thing. Adults can do that, and still be adults.
Hopefully, she can be adult enough to accept that.
Do your own party
You don’t have to be friends with BM. I could not do that. This is not a marriage or birth of GK
i would find a place that you can cancel if she does not graduate. Same thing with food. You most likely will have to do it a week after Graduation. Giving BM graduations weekend. This gives you ,ore time to canceled
BM will if she can afford it.. will have the party any way in SD Graduate or not and most likely take all the gifts from your side of the family. Or combine gifts. Not showing her side did not gibe that much
Being Friends with the woman your SO had a sex life with and a connection that will always be there in some from
is not a friend it’s an EX lover. I never had sex with my friends !!
Don't be friends with the ex.
Don't be friends with the ex. Be civil by all means, but the high conflict ones especially, or one that dodged divorce... Minimize contact unless ABSOLUTELY necessary. Two parties for graduation is TOTALLY ACCEPTABLE! I think you do seperate, it takes a lot of stress of you and your SO.
BM is probably working an angle. Just odn't tell her when it is, or any of her fmaily, or she'll show up UNINVITED to yours and pretend she paid for and planned thw whole thing (BM has done it, yours possibly could too)
I don't want anything to do with BM
We can throw our own, small party AFTER she graduates. Plus, we're paying for our wedding in Aug. If she graduates, I'll be proud of her but I have also not forgotten what she has put SO through this past year. She doesn't talk about graduating, obviously hasn't applied to any colleges - I'm pretty sure she hasn't even taken the SATs. Graduating is a big thing but if that's all she's going to accomplish, I'm not breaking my bank for her. All she talks about is finding an apt with her boyfriend and another couple. SO asks how do you plan to pay for this? Her answer - I get money from social services. He talks about college, her future, etc and it seems to do no good. So if she's going to settle for mediocre - then mediocre is what she'll get from me. Honestly don't know if I really feel this way or if I'm just ticked off right now
Nope nope nope.
Nope nope nope.
I think only your DH should respond, pointing out that as it's uncertain whether SD will be graduating, planning a party is premature so BM should go ahead with wherever she want to do.
Don't be surprised if SD does somehow graduate. My YSD managed to do so by the skin of her teeth, thanks to a lot of grade manipulation by her teachers. (Those grad stats are all important, I guess.) If she does squeek out with a diploma, your DH can arrange a small celebration with his side of the family. You're not required to finance it, but might want to have a set amount in mind before the topic comes up.
Yes
He should handle BM and all this. Since BM texted me directly, all I'll say is that SO will handle it all
SO can respond that he is
SO can respond that he is planning his own small party for SD (IF she graduates).
You, my dear, need to BLOCK BM. She is only sucking up to you in the hope of getting you to fund her party.
WISE minds think a lot.
WISE minds think a lot.
I was thinking the same thing Aniki.
I would say, "While I
I would say, "While I appreciate your desire to work together for SD's sake, I don't think a joint party is necessary. We planned on doing something small and low key with her. I do hope you have a fun party thought!"
Why does she have access to
Why does she have access to your cell phone?
Tiger, you dont have to answer me. Please set your own personal boundaries. You are not required to do talk to his ex unless YOU want to. Your also not reuired morally or legally to give her your cell, your work numbers. NOR are you required morally or legally to see her or speak to her. Make it on your terms always.
GoodLuck
My gut tells me she is looking for your husband to foot most if not a large portion of the GRADUATION party bill.
Couple ideas...:
Take the young lady out to dinner at her favorite place the week after graduation. AND Send a pretty fresh cut flower ON the special day too. Again only if you and dh have that extra cash.
My cell phone
I'm pissed she got my # - it was a trick. SD called me from BM's # last summer. I didn't know it was her # and I don't usually answer #s I don't know but did this time (grrr). It was SD telling me her phone battery died and she asked questions about buying stuff for our upcoming vacation. So my number was therefore captured by BM's phone. Found out abt 5 mins later that SD lied - cause she called her dad from her own phone. I think BM put her up to it just so she could get my # without asking me for it.
And BM is ALWAYS looking for ways to get money out of SO and her own daughters for that matter. She's pathetic
Honey change your phone
Honey change your phone number. Granted, I do not know the cost but I do know my cell phone carrier can merge my personal stuff to a new number. I would ask them.
YOU deserve peace. NEVER give it out to them again.
So sorry.
My very first thought was she
My very first thought was she's looking for you and your SO to pay for this party.
Divorced means divorced. They have separated so they do separate things. Live in separate houses, lead separate lives. Throw separate parties. It's what happens. The fact that BM has never wanted to cooperate in nearly 18 years sends red flags all over the place.
She's looking for money and to manipulate - especially SO. Let him handle her. Either way, no matter what you do, you never win with crazy. Try to put it out of your mind. Also...change your phone number!
She wants to throw a big bash
She wants to throw a big bash on your dimes because she knows this is likely the only time she will celebrate her daughter's "accomplishments." GUBMs: setting the bar low for their daughters since daughters were invented.
Update
I did text BM back late last night abt 10pm. Just told her that SO and I discussed everything and anything to do with the girls should go thru him. That I thought about the last conversation we had where she disparaged him 3 times, which I'm not ok with....whatever issues they had should stay between them and that I'm not interested in reliving her past. I also said she needs to make sure SD is actually graduating cause I had concerns about that and any joint party would be between her & SO, although its not my preference. I ended with the girls are old enough to have relationships without parents interference and she & I don't need to have anything but civil discourse when we see each other. Told her my intention was not to offend her but to set boundaries and that I hope she will see the maturity in this and not hold it against my relationship with the girls.
Haven't heard a word back............yet