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Trying to bond...

tigerlilly00's picture

Submitted by tigerlilly00 on Mon, 11/14/2011 - 2:28pm

I havent been on here for awhile. I figured I would give my bitching a break. I have been with these kids for over 6 years and I still am unable to bond with any of them. Its not like I havent tried.... I am beginning to think it will never happen. Any suggestions???

Comments

Ifeeya's picture

Submitted by Ifeeya on Mon, 11/14/2011 - 2:36pm

tigerlilly00-it is pure biology. You will never fully bond with kids who are not yours. I hate to break it to you.

imjustthemaid's picture

Submitted by imjustthemaid on Mon, 11/14/2011 - 2:43pm

I have been trying for 5 years but it seems the more I try to more I dislike her.

tigerlilly00's picture

Submitted by tigerlilly00 on Mon, 11/14/2011 - 2:49pm

I feel like I have been a good stepmother, but they just dont respect me or treat me nicely. It really hurts sometimes. And its not like I have given them any reasons to dislike me. Their dad didnt leave their mom for me or anything like that. We didnt meet until he was divorced for 3 years. In fact, his ex left him for his best friend and they had been having an affair for 2 years before my husband found out! Crazy thing is, is that they just LOVE their stepdad!!! WTF???

Ifeeya's picture

Submitted by Ifeeya on Mon, 11/14/2011 - 2:49pm

I feel your pain. If it is any comfort, I hope it gets better for you. Thank you for being a good SM.

Madam Hedgehog's picture

Submitted by Madam Hedgehog on Mon, 11/14/2011 - 2:54pm

Well, you already know whatyour problem is.

They don't respect you.

How are you supposed to bond with kids that treat you badly? I wouldn't even WANT to bond with them because then it will hurt that much worse.

I'd work on the respect issue first, and worry about bonding later. You're never going to have any relationship with them at all if they don't respect you and are allowed to be rude.

Where does DH stand on the issue?

tigerlilly00's picture

Submitted by tigerlilly00 on Mon, 11/14/2011 - 3:00pm

Oh you know, he is torn and lets them get away with almost everything. He has the guilty weekend dad thing going on. They are very clever when it comes to treating me badly. He never really sees it and then when I say something, its like I am the crazy bitch! HAHA It is soon to be a mute point anyway. One is 17 and the others are 14 and 11. I figure once they dont have to come over here on the weekends anymore, we will never see them again. They only seem interested in their dad when it has to do with getting money or gifts. So sad...

Madam Hedgehog's picture

Submitted by Madam Hedgehog on Mon, 11/14/2011 - 3:08pm

I guess you have a couple options here.

You can disengage.

Or you can get proof. Buy a nanny cam. Carry a hidden tape recorder. Whatever you have to do to get it into your husband's thick head that these kids are being jerks.

I personally would not want to "wait it out" if one of the kids is only 11. That is SEVEN YEARS of being treated like dirt in your own house and that's if the kid actually disappears at 18, and if the kid doesn't decide it wants to live at your house when it's 15, and a bunch of other issues.