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Trying to bond...

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I havent been on here for awhile. I figured I would give my bitching a break. I have been with these kids for over 6 years and I still am unable to bond with any of them. Its not like I havent tried.... I am beginning to think it will never happen. Any suggestions???

Stepkids are coming this weekend and I am freaking out....

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Why am I freaking out? Skids come every other weekend, but for some reason I am very anxious this time. I guess its because they are getting older and are more defiant these days. I feel lost and alone and not able to deal with them. I feel like the kid most of the time and that they are the ones with the power. I feel like running away but I know I cant. What the hell should I do??? Please help....

WOW!!!! Huge developement...DH finally put his foot down!

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Damn, I am shocked! DH decided to take on his daughters tonight regarding showers. I didnt have to be the bad SM this time. Of course they tried the shit they pull on me everytime and he was having none of it. He raised his voice and said "NOW! Take your showers NOW! Then they tried the crap about who was going to take the shower last, so he designated who would be first and let them have it. Needless to say there is now door slamming and yelling, but here I sit out on the porch with a big ass smile on my face........

Why can't I bond with my 3 Skids?? Is there something wrong with me???

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Does anyone else have this problem? I have known them for over 7 years and I have absolutely no feelings for them. It bothers me that I feel this way. They could just as easily be strangers that I just met. I tell my DH that I love them and I tell them I love them too at times, but I am just a big liar!

Am I being a monster if I think I need to disengage???

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I want to be a good stepmom...I really do. My 3 Skids were pretty young when I met my husband and now they are SS16, SD13 and SD10. It wasnt so bad back when they were really young. We did all kinds of things together like go to museums, parks, movies, amusement parks, all kinds of things. I think they genuinely liked me. This is not the case anymore...I know kids get hormonal and all as they get older, but they dont seem to listen to anything I have to say. They blatently ignore me if I ask them to take showers or pick up after themselves.

Hmmm...DH just told me I am a cold, bitter wench regarding Skids...

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How the hell do I make this man see the truth? I am losing my damned mind! I tried to tell him about this site and how I dont feel so alone now with my feelings. I tried to read him a few things to try to give him some insight. NO WAY! He immediately put up his guard, got defensive and said "BOO HOO...you all are just a bunch of cold, bitter wenches that have nothing better to do bitch and complain!"

What the hell do I do to make him see how I feel???

BM told SKids that DH and I are going to hell...

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Here is a good question...what do DH and I do about the Skids religion? Should we take them to church? DH and I are both Agnostic. BM is a born again Christian and is basically fanatical. She is bringing up the kids the same way. DH and I never try to sway them from their beliefs even though we dont agree with them. SD10 asked us why we "hate god"....yeah, I know....my jaw dropped the first time. She told us that "MaMa said that you and daddy are Satinists and you are going to hell". OK!!!! WTF?! Oh, there is so much to this story, but I will save that for another time.

Forever to be punished for not having BIO children....

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I am not sure where to even begin. I am at a loss. I feel so alone. I feel so alone in my own home. I have been married 3 times and never had any children. I was never in a stable enough relationship where I felt bringing children into the world was an option. I was married and in the USAF at 19 and got pregnant, but my husband was abusive and told me there was no way he would have a baby. I disagreed and was beaten by him, causing a miscarriage. We ended up divorcing years later. I was in a 12 year realtionship with a musician who refused to grow up...thats a whole other story.

Shocked!!!! SS16 waiting for DH to take the big dirt nap...

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It infuriates me that SS16 is always asking what he is getting when his dad dies! He asked how much money he is getting. He has told DH he wants the Harley and the car! He sometimes looks around the house and says he wants different items. SS16 is a monster as far as I am concerned. I now like him less than I did in the first place. I dont mean to be a bitch, but give me a break! This kid never calls his father unless its for something he needs or money. DH doesnt think anything of it and tells me I am being dramatic. Am I??????