WWVI is about to start.....
alrighty hope all you guys are in good spirits and sound body, well as sound as can be lol for us Steps. So Bm sent DH a email today saying SD wants to go with grandparents on a trip over spring break. Well We already made plans for SD to come here for the entire week. SD is only 7. Dh emails her back and says no we already made plans for her to be here and she cant go. BM responds back and says " god every time i try being nice to you, you start being a jerk and blah bla blah." DH tells her no i am not being a jerk, her school breaks she is to reside with me, thats what the papers say. So we just got off the phone, BM had 7yr old SD call and ask to go. BM made DH look like a jerk for wanting the time with his daughter. He told her " No, we already made plans for you to come here and thats how its going to be." Nicer words of course. BM gets back on the phone saying "You have to let her be a kid and make her own decisions or else she is going to hate you" all this is being said infront of SD. DH tells her that you know i am willing to deal with that so long as i have my court appointed time with my daughter.
First things first, my SD is only 7 years old. So you mean to tell me, with her mother letting her make major decision like this, that she would let her daughter walk down the street to a friends house and a stranger happens to pass and says no come with me we are going to my house, and BM is standing at her doorway - is she really going to let her make a decision of great importance like that? Thats the best analogy i can come up with right now. She told DH that she is allowing her to make decision of any nature to let her be a kid. Then she brought up weekend before last that you didnt let her go to a slumber party, first of all the mom who was hosting called 10 minutes before bed time to see if SD could attend. Secondly, the weekend is court appointed and its DH legal weekend. But she felt neccessary, to bring that up and says that DH was in the wrong for again wanting to spend time with SD.
Normally i would be all up in arms and ready to kill. But i have kept my cool and i proud of myself. I am learning and growing. I feel sorry for the Bm that she felt the need to pull that card and plant the idea of hate into SD. Please opinions. DH said no way you are coming up here. SD is learning now that she cant always have her way and gave DH the silent treatment on the phone. OPINIONS AND THOUGHTS LADIES
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We went through the same
We went through the same type of thing with my SD when she was around the same age. Only things were a little different. We were accused of being the ones that let her make her own decisions (she lives with us full-time, BM never found it convenient to have her during her scheduled times). We never let her make her own decisions, but we did let her in on what was going on, give us her thoughts about and then tell her what was going to happen. Being a kid does not entail making your own decisions. Quite the opposite, actually. You spend your entire childhood looking forward to the day when the parents don't call all the shots anymore. I think you and DH are in the right in saying that she is to spend her scheduled time with you. She will get over it once she is there. Show her that there is fun to be had with the two of you, as well. Sounds like the two of you are doing the best job you can in the situation you are in and BM needs to take a page from your book.
You did the right thing imo.
You did the right thing imo. BM needs to stop trying to jerk all of you around, and SD needs to know, children do not make the decisions, adults do.
It will probably be a relief for her to hear that! THAT is how you let a kid, be a kid!
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May your blessings outnumber
The shamrocks that grow,
And may trouble avoid you
Wherever you go.
~Irish Blessing
blah...BM ALWAYS puts the
blah...BM ALWAYS puts the kids on the phone when she needs to go drink and her mom won't watch them - and then when FH says No - I will see you tomorrow - (we only get 1 night a week he and I...) BM will tell them he doesn't "want" them...he never wants to "see" them - somehow she always knows when it has been a rough week for he and I with work, school etc. - the girls will scream and cry - and she will puppeteer them in the background...and then she will say, "JUST HANG UP ON YOUR POOR EXCUSE OF A FATHER..." last time I checked...he was then one supporting them? Of course he can't see them - he works 50 hours a week 3 -11 and they are in school during the day? DUH.
I hear that bm told dh that
I hear that bm told dh that she didnt want sd coming up here to spend time with his other half and how fun would that be- little does she know we have tons of fun and bake and cook and color . And as for the work part of it, my dh does what he has to do for us to survive after paying her. I mean seriously are you that stupid that you dont realize that dh has to work his A$$ off just for us to make it. Sometimes i swear divorce is like a stupid stick for BM's. They get slapped with it and wammo there goes all intelligence. Never mind that when dh told sd that she couldnt go, bm got on the phone (with my sd right next to her) and planted the dont you realize if you dont let her do what she wants she is going hate you. Great plant the hate seed wench!!!!