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SD18 so very hurt and Don't know what to do?

tjmamma's picture

Submitted by tjmamma on Sun, 10/24/2010 - 3:28pm

Ok, So I have a SD who is now 18, We meaning my DH and I have been through so much with her. Her BM has never been in her life and I have had the priveledge of helping my DH raise her since she was 9 years old. I tried very hard to have a relationship with her and get her to open up to me, I knew from the beginning that I had to treat the situation as "fragile" because I could only imagine how she felt not having her BM involved in her life. Things did not turn out they way I or my DH had hoped for. She was like a light switch, she liked me sometimes, and when she was sweet to me and got what she wanted, she turned into the evil SD. She would lie all of the time, she stole not only from me, but from friends in our church. her father and myself took her to counseling, but she manipulated that situation not once but 4 times with 4 different counselors. She treated me so very bad, people, "friends" and outsiders looking in couldn't beleive it. Well she finally turned 18, and has since moved out on her owne. 2 days before graduation, she up and left, leaving us a note. To make matters worse, she moved in with a family from our church who did not make us aware for several days, while my dh and I worried and stayed awake for several nights wondering where she was. She still lives with them, they provide everything and she has nothing to do with us. I and my DH are very hurt over the situation and just do not know what to do. Any advice would help greatly.

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Bojangles's picture

Submitted by Bojangles on Sun, 10/24/2010 - 7:59pm

It sounds like with the best will in the world you couldn't counteract the damage caused by being abandoned by her mother. God only knows what it must do a child to know that their parent did not want them around. It is a shame her counsellors were not up to the job and could not break through her facade. I hope the counsellor my SD14 is seeing is going to do a better job! It sounds like you have worked really hard over a long period to help this girl and try to offer her a stable home and sympathetic ear. But I think there comes a point where you have to say I've tried my best, she's an adult now, she needs to work some of these issues out on her own and I have to stop feeling so personally responsible.

Perhaps your DH should write to her at her new address and say that to her. Make it clear that you are both there if she needs you, and hope she is able to face up to her problems and find happiness. He could also write to the family she is staying with thanking them for taking her in, explaining some of the issues that have gone on with her, and letting them know that you are there for her if she needs you. Then try to focus on you and DH, and your remaining SKids. Hope this is of some help.