Needing help!!!!
Okay sorry in advance but I am really at loss of words.
Me and my girlfriend have been dating right around a year and she has a 2 year old girl. We moved in with each other and everything was great. Her daughter calls me daddy and I absolutely adore it!! We split custody 50/50 with her "dad"
So here is where it gets crazy. Her real dad has moved away and wants nothing to do with her, but the guy she was dating when she had her daughter, is on the birth certificate and has his rights via court. So her dad now that is involved has been caught with drugs and has several DUI and some other things that I won't discuss.
So I literally pay for everything and do everything for her daughter and he just gets all the Benifits. There is no child support involved or anything like that so I'm confused why he is even still around or even gets the time he does when he doesn't play the father role.
not her real dad
drug problems
drinking problems
pays for nothing
causes lots of problems for us
My stepdaughter and him just share last names and that is it. I don't really want him around and I dang sure don't feel like he has even deserved it. Her mom is on the fence about it all and says he don't need to be there but then feels bad for him despite their bad past.
WHAT DO I DO???
- Trace_b4's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Dump her, she's obviously
Dump her, she's obviously crazy and find a woman that doesn't need saving.
If he's on the birth
If he's on the birth certificate and he's involved to some extent, why is he not paying CS? Perhaps if your girlfriend went after CS, he'd be willing to relinquish his rights to the child that isn't even his.
Two-year-old is on her 3rd Dad?!
This child is only two and she is already on her third dad? Just think about that for a second. The woman you are with is a mess. She would be a giant human red flag to most sensible men, so how are you not seeing that?
Please let this post be a joke.
YES! This is what I was going
YES! This is what I was going to say!! How is this poor child on Daddy #3 already!
Run dude. Seriously. This is not a good mother or woman. You can't just go daddy shopping whenever things get tough. Bio, leagal, Sugar. Good lord. She has them all!
What do you mean by, "he has
What do you mean by, "he has his rights via court?" I can't imagine any court awarding him parental rights, including shared custody, and not ordering parental obligations, including child support. It sounds like they have some informal agreement because she wanted her daughter to have a father figure. Sounds like you're next In line. I think it would be ridiculous for you to keep paying for everything for this child.
My situation is somewhat
My situation is somewhat similar.. my sons bio dad is not around and never has been.. ever. I was with a man during my pregnancy and who was there for a long time who's name was on his birth certificate. We split up we both have moved on and that was nearly 11 years ago. My husband now does everything and is a main provider. Sometimes the guy on the birth certificate calls for a birthday or messaged me through fb and asks how he's doing. He also doesn't pay a lick of Child Support but there's a lot of legal stuff we have to go through to get his name off of the birth certificate.
I'm curious why you put an
I'm curious why you put an unrelated person on the BC? You knew they weren't the father..what on earth was the logic behind it. Was it maybe for the optics for friends and family that he was really the father.. to save embarassment?
Clearly doing that creates a lot of confusion and problems down the road. I'm not so sure that it wouldn't be a good idea to do paternity tests on all kids to ensure that unrelated men aren't put down... would save a lot of issues later. (though I guess a lot of problems might arise too..lol)
I think the whole thing was
I think the whole thing was so her daughter could have a father. She thought things were gonna work out and didn't
Yes there is ALOTTTTTT of
Yes there is ALOTTTTTT of legal stuff!
Dear god....
Dear god....
To late to run
Okay so we have had several sit downs. They agreed not to pay child support on either behalf. The real father has never been a thing. I am more than willing to take her daughter under my arm. I have asked several times why the guy on the BC is even around, or why he is even on it. But from what I understand from her friends and her past; it was not very pretty for awhile and was at a low. Things have been absolutely awesome with her except I want to take custody of her child and eliminate the extra "father" in her life. It's been super rough at times but all in all I love her dearly and especially love her daughter.
Her and I have also agreed that now I am paying for stuff. Daycare, diapers etc. that I should have at least get some extra privelages. Her "dad" (BC GUY) has ZERO need to a part in her life in my opinion
I'm going to disagree with
I'm going to disagree with everyone else.
1) If he has 50/50 custody, he is paying for the child during his parenting time, correct? That may or may not be the correct amount under your state guidelines, but it was agreed to by the parents. So, what you are doing is picking up the costs that your girlfriend should be paying. That's your choice.
2) If this child has an involved father, whether biological or not, the child does NOT need to be calling you daddy, becoming even more confused.
What can you do? decide if you REALLY want to be with your girlfriend. If so, this child's dad comes as a part of the package. I suppose it's possible Mom could go to Court to contest paternity, but at this point, the Court will probably consider him dad.
Child support can always be reevaluated later to determine if none changing hands is appropriate.
Your girlfriend can get a job and start providing for her child herself.
You are choosing to step in to this situation and pay for everything. Decide if that's really what you want to do
I'm going to disagree with
I'm going to disagree with everyone else.
1) If he has 50/50 custody, he is paying for the child during his parenting time, correct? That may or may not be the correct amount under your state guidelines, but it was agreed to by the parents. So, what you are doing is picking up the costs that your girlfriend should be paying. That's your choice.
2) If this child has an involved father, whether biological or not, the child does NOT need to be calling you daddy, becoming even more confused.
What can you do? decide if you REALLY want to be with your girlfriend. If so, this child's dad comes as a part of the package. I suppose it's possible Mom could go to Court to contest paternity, but at this point, the Court will probably consider him dad.
Child support can always be reevaluated later to determine if none changing hands is appropriate.
Your girlfriend can get a job and start providing for her child herself.
You are choosing to step in to this situation and pay for everything. Decide if that's really what you want to do
She has a job and covers her
She has a job and covers her "half" of things! I just worry for her daughter because of the things that we find out he is doin. Goes out at random times in morning like 2 or 3. Still drinks and drives with her. As in had a car wreck with her in there with alcohol in his system. And I still hear that he is still struggling with the drug problems. So I am very worried for her. My biggest fear is she is gonna grow up pissed at us because we didn't eliminate a bad person in her life when we could have.