I feel the need to start documenting these events.
My boyfriend's daughter came home (she lives with us) after two days with her mom. She's lived here for about six months and has become an absolute terror. Everything that comes out of her mouth is a lie. She's currently in trouble because she's been breaking into our room and stealing whatever she wants; makeup, clothes, and more recently money. We busted her red handed stealing petty cash and she denied it even when shown proof.
This just in: it's 2:30 AM and she knocks on our bedroom door wanting to use her dad's cell phone. She wants to call her own phone because she can't find it. We think it's in her boyfriend, ELP's (we'll call him "Entitled Little Prick" for short) car. She snuck out the window to see him and left her phone with him. Oops. Pretty hard to get out of this lie.
I'm tired of the toll this is taking on me and on us as a couple. I feel like she's taken over my house. She demands attention every minute of her existence. This has got to stop.
I just needed to get this off my chest.
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How old is SD? Are there
How old is SD? Are there consequences for her behavior? Isn't it amazing how skids can change the whole atmosphere of the home? Why is she living with you? Is it possible to ship her back to BM? Yes..document! Hang in there!
Thanks for the encouragement!
Thanks for the encouragement! It really helps.
SD is living with us in part because she was unhappy at her mom's. We believe the real reason she's moved in here is to be closer to her friends. I realize this wasn't a good reason to move. Her dad was so excited to have her here that maybe we didn't think it through.
Yes, there is an option of sending her back to BM. There is, however, some question regarding the success of implementing such a move. Will BM actually take her? SD is sixteen. Will she just refuse to stay with BM and do something reckless, like couch surf? I do realize we have no control over her behavior outside this house. At this point, I'm sorry to say I don't care anymore what she does. She's caused such upheaval in my home that I'm in self defense mode... and no longer able to think of her well being.
Not only are there consequences for her actions, we've actually drafted a contract that outlines exactly what punishment will apply to exactly which crime. The trouble with her is she is determined to rebel, no matter what. We put up one wall, she finds a way around it and we have to put up another. She is, simply put, impossible. I wanted this to work out... now I am only waiting for her departure.
Hell, I say "TS!!!" NO way
Hell, I say "TS!!!" NO way is she going to wake up an adult at 1:10 a.m. to ring her "lost" phone."
"Get the HELL away from the bedroom door and leave me and SM alone" SHOULD be biodad's response.
But sounds like this entitlement and possibly guilt non-parenting has been in place for a VERY long time. . .I'd say about 14 years or so.
You're right; there has been
You're right; there has been some guilt parenting going on. The whole reason my boyfriend went back to BM at the age of twenty-four was because of guilt. Mission accomplished for BM.
I would have gotten my ass kicked for waking my parents up so I could find something I lost.
He busted SD, and she eventually admitted to sneaking out with ELP. We found out that BM has been telling her "your father neglects you," which is total BS. What she means is, "You won't take our child anywhere she wants at any time, let her do whatever she wants and give her all of your money for cigarettes." This really stems from BM being upset and bitter that my boyfriend left her. Using children as weapons.
He also talked to SD about moving back in with her mom. He's let her know this behavior is not acceptable. I've begun to think she does this kind of thing for attention. I'm also learning to disengage. It's the most valuable skill I've learned from this site. Thank you!