You are here

ok i was wrong, i cant do this...

txcajunmom's picture

Submitted by txcajunmom on Mon, 08/30/2010 - 9:09am

if you havent read my recent blogs, here's the low down: dh was called in the middle of the night to come get his son9 and his other "son"6 because cps was removing all the children from bm's care. this happend on the night i told dh that i did not want to be with him anymore. he agreed to leave in the a.m. i couldnt quite kick dh and the kids out after being taken from their home, so...

i know this will sound mean but i really dont care right now. i have really tried to suck it up and make things work with dh and not let the skids get to me. i have to say ss9 has really just opened up to me. i have actually gotten to where i enjoy him being around. yesterday dh hollard at me when i was trying to park our new truck and ss stuck up for me!! he says "dont yell at her dad, she's just trying to park!" wh-wh-what??!! then when we get home, he tells me "tx i'm going to tell you something and i mean it, you're really cool" i dropped dead. lol!! now on to the "ss"6...dun dun dun dunnnnnnn.

he is driving me crazyyyyyyyyy!! he has add/adhd. for some reason he has been off his meds for a couple of month (bm says someone stole them...i'm not buying it) anywho, we are giving him his meds and they seem to make him worse. he will literally cry for an hour straight if you let him. seriously. an hour. then he starts making him self gag if no one pays him any mind while he's crying. he started school and daycare a week ago today. daycare is about ready kick him out because twice he has slapped little girls. school called dh on his 3rd day because he was fighting and cussing kids out and calling them names. the child does not listen at all!! i know he has a disorder but i just cant take it anymore!! i start telling myself this isnt his kid anyway why do i have to deal with this??!! the child is out of control and i know he's going thru some hard times but i have 2 babies of my own (with dh) plus i work full time and do all the cleaning cooking, etc. and have to take anit anxiety meds anyway for all the stress i'm under and this kid is just making me literally crazy. i dont think i can do this. i am going home from work today and packing me and my kids things and going stay at mom and dads for a few days. i have to have a break or i will lose it!!

Comments

starfish's picture

Submitted by starfish on Mon, 08/30/2010 - 9:18am

((HUGS))

i don't think i could handle a disruptive child in my house that belonged to bm and some other random guy..... it's hard enough dealing with skids that are dh's...

i hope you find some peace at your parents house and a way to cope or the strength to boot dh & baggage out...

Moon Child Step Mom's picture

Submitted by Moon Child Step Mom on Mon, 08/30/2010 - 9:28am

*hugs* darlin!!!!
I think a break away is exactly what you need… I left the house in a huff and spent a few hours bumming around a shopping plaza this weekend because I thought I was gonna explode and take everybody with me, and it really worked. Your stress sounds a whole lot worse so maybe a few days to clear your head will do you a world of good.

Just gotta ask… are you SURE you don’t want to be with this man anymore..? Because as nice as it is for you to let him and his kids stay with you temporarily, those kids are forming a bond with you, SS9 sounds like he’s REALLY found comfort and security with you, how hared do you think it’ll be if they finally find the “family” structure they need and then it just falls apart when their father can financially afford to separate? Though I understand you can’t just toss them all out in the street.

What a hard situation… I think maybe starting with a break away is a really good idea.

stepmasochist's picture

Submitted by stepmasochist on Mon, 08/30/2010 - 9:30am

I'm glad you're getting along well with SS9. It stinks that the other kid is being such a PITA. I bet he's having a really hard time though. Sorry if you've gone over this before and I don't remember it, but is he aware that DH isn't his dad? It must be really rough on him knowing that both of his parents are incapable of taking care of him. Does he have anyone else to do it, grandparents perhaps or an aunt or uncle? Maybe you could get a break that way. I would take him to the doctor and see if he might try some other medication. If he's just started re-taking it recently, it might take a couple of weeks to work properly. He probably needs some counseling.

txcajunmom's picture

Submitted by txcajunmom on Mon, 08/30/2010 - 9:31am

thanks starfish and moon child...i am hoping that in this break i can come up with a plan. somethings got to give!!

Holly's picture

Submitted by Holly on Mon, 08/30/2010 - 10:15am

My son was being assessed for ADHD and the doctor tried him out on Ritalin. All it did was make him seriously, seriously depressed but didn't help his overactivity. We took him off it.

I think you need to make your dh step up. I know this is not his bio child but he has taken him on as such. While you are gone - if you do go - dh needs to take time off work if neccessary and get ss back to the doctor and insist, insist, insist that the doctor reevaluate and change the meds. This is a pretty serious situation - can your dh see that?

Don't let one child push you out of the other child's life, ss9 needs you after the crap he's been through. If you do go to your parents for break - and I understand why! - maybe keep in daily contact with ss9?

zenjetset's picture

Submitted by zenjetset on Mon, 08/30/2010 - 10:26am

****Hugs****
To say you have it difficult situation would be an understatement. I agree with the poster that said you really need to think about whether or not you really want to leave dh. Sounds like you need help with this transition. If you can afford it hire some help. Or maybe the state can provide you with some help at their expense. Also, if this child requires more support than a normal regular child, you may want to consider applying for disability & ssi because that can assist with $ for a nurse or mothers assistant. Sounds like to me you need someone to help you with all the chores and managing of household and kids especially through this transitional time. Remember, it does not mean you are a failure because you can't do it all your own. It means you are willing to accept help so everyones needs including your own can be met. I deal with an ADHD child and it's difficult in so many ways. Mainly because of the meds or lack of or because they use it as an excuse!!! It's a tough position and my heart swells in hurt for you.

pat's picture

Submitted by pat on Mon, 08/30/2010 - 10:30am

I believe you are doing the right thing. Maybe a couple of days might do yourself some good. I am sorry you are going through this. You are doing the right thing. Sometimes we have to step and breathe. Hope everything works out.

txcajunmom's picture

Submitted by txcajunmom on Mon, 08/30/2010 - 10:48am

thanks everyone!! i am just praying that i will find a solution to this problem. i know that it will be difficult either way i go but i cant be miserable in my own home. i find myself loosing my patience with my dd3 and i hate it!!

snarky: no, i will not be taking ss9 but i will say that dh took ss6 and dd3 yesterday to buy ss6 some shorts and another pair of shoes (would have been 3, who needs 3 pair of tennis shoes to start shool???!!! anyway whole other story..) and ss threw a fit, he did not want anything but a toy so he came home with nothing. turns out he just complained he wanted school clothes so dh would take him shopping and buy him a toy...not so much. they went to 3 different stores and dd3 is a handful herself Smile so when dh came in, he was frazzled!! LOL that's what he gets!!

txcajunmom's picture

Submitted by txcajunmom on Mon, 08/30/2010 - 12:02pm

LOL!! and thanks!! yeah he usually doesn't hollar at me...i'm usually the one doing the hollaring lol but i chalked it up to the chaos we have in the house. we are ALL on edge right now. including my dd3 poor baby who has been having nightmares, accidents, bedwetting. i hate that this is effecting my child Sad she has been going in her room to play and shutting the door and when she leaves her room, she shuts the door behind her. i think she's stressed too

txcajunmom's picture

Submitted by txcajunmom on Mon, 08/30/2010 - 12:12pm

thank you so much!! i know what you mean by the phases you go through. i do the same. i have my moments when i feel like i hate the kid (not proud to say btw) and then i feel like i do now where i just want to be away from him! then like yesterday i defended him to dh and told him that he needed his meds because it wasnt his fault he acts that way sometimes, he can't control himself...idk what to do. but i will take some time to figure this out, its not just me i have to consider, its my children and their well being as well.

Tx mommy of 3's picture

Submitted by Tx mommy of 3 on Mon, 08/30/2010 - 2:19pm

I would definately be calling cps about the 'son' with ADD. I don't understand why h was placed with you. If dh isn't going to help with him then his care shouldn't fall on you. If dh doesn't want to be responsible for him then don't. I know it sounds harsh but if our dh doesn't want to help.... It is a lot to handle and maybe they can fins another home for him with someone who has experience with kids like him. All I know is I couldn't do it and wouldn't. Dh wouldn't want to take care of bm's childfrom another man either.

txcajunmom's picture

Submitted by txcajunmom on Mon, 08/30/2010 - 2:34pm

i know its crazy!! i think because dh grew up without a father, he feels bad for the kid, but that's not my problem!! i feel bad for him but you know, you cant save everyone! dh had ss9 with bm. the were always on/off again. during an off again, she got preg for some guy that had 5 other kids at the time, in and out of jail his whole life. dh got back with her but left again when "ss" was like 5 or 6 months old. the kids were placed in foster care for a year. during that time, me and dh "reunited". i knew him from way back and he was my "first love". there was no mention of him being daddy to this kid. he talked about his son all the time. when the children were put back with bm she started sending them over to our house. we were literally moving in together at that time and i was preg with our daughter. i was suprised that she was sending her kid to our house and he was ok with that. but i guess he felt bad because they were in foster care for that year (long story). so here we are 4 1/2 years later and he still comes to the house. but the thing is half the time he does not want to come over and when his real dad was out of jail he was going to spend weeks at a time with him and as soon as she got him back, he went to my house Sad the little boy calls dh by his real name and then says, i mean daddy...WHATEVER!! bm just wants a babysitter and dh is a sucker and falls for it and i HATE it