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uglybetty's picture

Submitted by uglybetty on Tue, 07/26/2011 - 4:10pm

I am so glad I found this site! I really had started to believe that I was a heartless evil monster because of the feelings I have had towards my 2ss 10 and almost 14. And the feelings I have toward my 2bd's sm. I think just being able to express my feelings and get them off my chest may be therapy for me...I have been married (#2) for almost 2 years and I can not stand my 2 ss! Or their bm! I have lost all hope of ever having a real family. My husband gives total control of when, where and how the boys spend time with us. Which results in him being a taxi and a babysitter. She only wants them when its time to put them to bed or take them to school. And the $700 a month cs that we pay for her to have nice cars and everything else she wants when she only works a few hours a week makes me CRAZY!!! My husband agrees that sheI does theseor things but is completely content with her getting away with it and that makes me even more CRAZY!
Let me also mention that even though I think they are the weirdest children ever who are rude unbehaved brats who talk to their dad like he's dirt and get away with it, I still want more than anything to have all I have ever wanted- a family. But it is impossible when they come and go like the wind. I never know they will or will not be with us. My husband also isn't the best step dad. My girls are always saying how they don't like him and don't want to be around him. I think it is because he doesn't cater to their ever whim like their bd and i do. They are spoiled but behaved and i wish he would be a little softer with them. They are only 7 and 11 and i think he tries extra hard not to show any favoritism but comes across as just being a uncaring hardass. I am thinking more and more about leaving. I never knew things would become so hard
this quickly. Any advice????

Comments

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Tue, 07/26/2011 - 5:03pm

Forget about the SSs and BM and focus on your girls. Don't feel guilty about spoiling them. Not all spoiled kids are rude, awful kids. If you have the means to spoil them, enjoy it and they are good kids, knock yourself out.

Speak to your husband about the way he treats your girls. If he isn't willing to change, then it may be time to move on.

You have a family (you and your girls) with or without your husband and his 2 boys.

uglybetty's picture

Submitted by uglybetty on Tue, 07/26/2011 - 8:16pm

Thank you! That makes sense and makes me feel better! It really helps to be heard and understood!

uglybetty's picture

Submitted by uglybetty on Tue, 07/26/2011 - 8:22pm

Thanks for relating! It does help to be heard! I love your name! I can definitely relate to chaosUncontained! I never would have dreamed I would be entering a life of such chaos and confusion!

paul_in_utah's picture

Submitted by paul_in_utah on Tue, 07/26/2011 - 10:06pm

I agree that you should ignore (or disengage from) your skids. However, you DH may be doing you a favor when it comes to your kids - by your own admission, they are spoiled. This can easily lead to entitlement attitudes, and all the other problems that we see here. Maybe you should consider spoiling your kids less.

uglybetty's picture

Submitted by uglybetty on Wed, 07/27/2011 - 12:14pm

Being distant and cold isn't a favor to anyone. The only thing it will achieve is a return in the same kind of behavior and we will all end up feeling like strangers. No chance at all of being a family.

uglybetty's picture

Submitted by uglybetty on Wed, 07/27/2011 - 2:43pm

I'm sorrry. Im not sure who is being ill behaved and treating anyone like crap...I probably have a different idea of what spoiled is than most people. My girls are spoiled with attention...Im sure this stems from being completely ignored and last on any adults agenda as a child but that is a different story. My children are not ill behaved and they do not treat anyone badly. I would never allow that. If anything they are treated unfairly because of bad behavior of the skids and DH thinks that they all should be punished for something that only one is responsible for. DH is one of the first people to voice how behaved my children are to other people and to say what little jerks the skids are sometimes but treats them all the same when he is with them. I just want him to show them that he approves of them and enjoys being around them. I think he is afraid of his kids and afraid to show that he approves of my kids because of their good behavior and can't say the same about the skids even though they don't deserve it. Which results in the skids saying things to my kid like, "so what if I swing this light fixture back and forth and break it...if I do it wont be my fault." It is driving me insane that they are able to get away with being such little jerks and my kids do something like not brushing their teeth and get punished.