Hello, i have been reading blogs on the site for a few months now, and figured it was finally time to write something and share what ive been going through and get some advice. before i start, i'd like to say its pretty refreshing seeing so many people dealing with the same craziness i have, so i know im not crazy. it is very fustrating not knowing anyone else going through what i am, so its hard to relate to most girls my age.

i am not officially a SM, and not sure if i ever will be, but i have been dating my BF for 2 1/2 years, and have helped him with most of the drama he had to go through with his BS5 and the crazy BM.

When i first became friends w/ BF, i know he had a son and was very hesitant on whether or not i should become involved, since i was very young and didnt see myself ever getting involved with someone with a kid. As time went on, i did start dating him, and at the time, he had his son EW, and at this time he was only 3. we had a blast together, we always were taking him places, parks, zoos, etc, and in a weird way we were like a small family, just on the weekends of course. BFs son started telling the BM about me, and from what i heard, he said A LOT. it was pretty flattering. the BM of course hated me. she hated the fact that her son liked me, and we spent time all together, and was just acting irrationally, being sweet as pie to my face and trash talking me to her son. is she that insecure that she has to talk sh*t about me to a 4yr old?? as time went on, things got worse, she couldnt a real job, she was constantly getting kicked out of her parents house, she exposed her son to terrible BFS and the list just keeps going. There are times were i just flat out hate her, and there are times where io feel terrible for her. I know her son (who is a great kid) is all she has really, and she sees me as trying to take her place, which i would never dream of doing. i would kill someone if they tried to replace my mom, and i expect him to be as loyal to his mom as i would, no matter how she behaves.

finally, this past year, my BF was awarded full custody, and she was at first just disappearing and eventually went to jail for drug charges and she didnt show for custody hearing in court (she showed up, saw people getting drug tested, and got scared and left). she has been popping up here and there, and he remembers all the things she promised him (he is now 5) she promised him she would be at his pre school graduation and everyone would go for dinner afterwards. she didnt show. she promised to give him a little sister. of course she cannot. we havent heard from her all summer, supposedly she was working at strip clubs and has been seen in pretty bad places (for example, a crack house). i think she is in rehab, who knows. when she got out of jail, her main concern was if he was calling me 'mom' and she wanted to buy new clothes toys, etc for him. so her head isnt in the right place yet.

now BF and i and the rest of his family are dealing with the consequences. the BMs family who sees him often spoils him, i guess to make up for the fact that he has no mom, and he throws a fit when he doesnt get his way. to top it off, he says wildly inappropriate things. i think he just doesnt know how to talk to adults, considering he wasnt really raised by one. he asked me where my mother was, whn i told him shes at home, he fired back "is she dead? is she in heaven??" i have no clue where he would get that, its kinda weird coming from such a young boy. hes very smart, but more street smart than anything, which is kind of scary. i can see things going either way, he will stay a great kid or go on a path of self-destruction, like the BM. i hope for his sake that his mom cleans up, and sets a good example for him, and hopefully i am being a good example for him too.

this may be wishful thinking, but i hope we can look at this in the future and just LAUGH!