Quit patronizing me unless you want to fight!!!!!!
I am so sick of fighting about this. If it were his kids he would have no problem with it.
DH has a tendency to spend way to much money on his kids for things like Christmas and B-days. He was doing this before I came into the picture. So we made an agreement that we would spend $150 per kid on Christmas and B-days. Last year for his BD's B-day I did a bedroom make over for her and ended up going over the $150. For his son's B-day we ended up going over as well. Of course DH has no problem with this. So now it's my BD's 8th B-day and I'm going to end up going over by like $30 because I'm doing a bedroom make over for her and of course now DH is freaking out about it and how it's not fair. He keeps beinging up the fact that instead of being able to spend the $150 total on his son for Christmas last year he only spent $100 because we already had a T.V. and sound system for him and I wanted the gift ratio to be fair.
Well DH apparently you're forgetting the fact that we didn't have the money. In fact you're forgetting that you spent my Christmas money from your Grandmother on your kids for their Christmas presents without even asking me first.
This is not the first year that he has wanted to spoil his son over everybody else. Had he spent the extra $50 plus wrapped the T.V., the DVD player, the VCR, the speakers, and the other thing that went with the setup the kid would have gotten like nine more presents than the other two. His BD would have freaked out and we would have probably had a horrible Christmas. The year before that he wanted to get his son a flat screen T.V. which costs around $200. When I mentioned to him that his son was going to be upset because he was only going to get one gift he wanted to buy his son more presnts to make it even. This didn't happen because it's not fair that the girls get $150 spent on them and his son get $350 spent on him.
Everytime I bring up doing the bedroom make over for my BD he always has to bring up his BD's room and how barren it is and how she needs posters up on her walls. Well DH. Had you bought your BD some posters instead of buying you BS posters (which was done for him just because DH thought he needed them) when he doesn't even need them then you wouldn't be bitching about it.
I am so sick of fighting about this. His kids have actual kids rooms. My BD lives in the office with a huge adult desk that takes up a large portion of the room and a computer that nobody uses. I brought him over to see his kids rooms last night and then showed him my BD's room and got told that I was patronizing him and not to do it unless I want to fight with him. I had to tell him to lower his voice because his kids could hear him talking to me like that.
Can anybody tell me what the hell his kids have to do with my BD's b-day?
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WTF IS WRONG WITH YOUR DH??!!
WTF IS WRONG WITH YOUR DH??!! He has one of thee worst cases of "Disneydad - Daddy guilt" I have ever read about on this site thus far....damn there are kids in Africa that are starving and THIS is how he is in regards to gifts etc....S.I.C.K!!!
You seem to have ALOT bigger problems then his kids having/not having something to do with your BD's bday....just saying....
I just don't get what the
I just don't get what the hell his problem is. It's okay to go over for his kids but not mine. And what the hell does his kids have to do with my BD's Bday? I just don't get it. And then to be talked to like that when I was just trying to point out the difference between his kids rooms and my BD's room I get talked to like that.
Let me describe his kids rooms:
BS:
Has two tone walls with two different shades of blue on them that seperated by a border. Has shelving towards the top of the walls with a sea theme, (shells, anchors, books, ect) on it. Has a huge dresser, a full size bed, a toy box, a table where his DVD palyer, VCR, sound system sets on. Has customer shelving in his closet where all of his books are.
BD:
Has two sea foam green accent walls, which I painted. A twin bed, a princess canopy, which I got her, a baby italia dresser, a toy box, and a LED light up bush of flowers, which I got her. She does have some pictures on her walls and has two custom shelves towards the top of one of her walls. She also has custom shelving in her closet for all of her books.
My BD:
She has a giant desk with a computer on it that noboy uses. Her room is wall to wall shit because the stupid desk takes up so much room. She has a toy box that is smached right next to her bed and her dresser is smashed in on the other side of that because there's no room. She has a printer on a table. No racks to hang clothes in her closet, just shelving and a black book shelf that doesn't match anything I just didn't know where to put the stupid thing. It's basically an office with her bed, dresser, and toy box crammed into it.
Sounds like my BD has the dream room and his kids are getting the shaft with their rooms right?
Is it possible to separate
Is it possible to separate finances, so you can maybe avoid situations and discussions like this?
We just now combined our
We just now combined our finances. This is something that has been going on for a while. In fact we actually split the cost of Christmas and B-days. So instead of DH having to spend $300 on his kids and me having to spend $150 on my for Christmas we combined the total and split it down the middle. I think that I have been very easy to work with when it comes to our finances. He's the one that fights everytime something like this roles around.
And his grandmother sent the Christmas money to as a check to DH in Dh's name. So it was deposited into his account and he spent it all.
UMMM..he stole your money??
UMMM..he stole your money?? :jawdrop:
I wouldn't say that he stoled
I wouldn't say that he stoled my money. He just spent it on his kids for Christmas without asking me if it was okay first.
And technically it's not my Christmas money. Just like the gifts that I get from his side of the family aren't actually for me. It's already been made clear that if I were to leave him then all of that stuff would stay with him. I can take what I brought into the relationship and he keeps the rest.
That sounds great in theory
That sounds great in theory Foxie but he's already tried to justify it with, and I quote,
"If your BD was dating someone and you bought that person presents and then they split up, wouldn't you want that person to give the gifts to your BD?"
End quote.
That's right. He actually said that. My response was nope. I didn't buy those gifts for her and that thought would have never crossed my mind.
amazing how SM's are all of a
amazing how SM's are all of a sudden needed so when it comes to given the bum dh some cash?
If no one is using the
If no one is using the computer, get rid of it and the desk. Get a small table type desk and put it in your room if you need one and turn your daughter's room into a bedroom, not office/bedroom. She deserves the same as his kids, just do it some day when he's not home, what can he do. I so can see how this happens with your kids and my kids. You should have kept your finances separate just because of your DH's attitude about money and fairness with the kids.
Let's not forget that we
Let's not forget that we already have a T.V. and DVD player that we can put in my BD's bedroom just like his kids have. But DH doesn't want to do this because it's not fair to his kids.
He actually started counting out the amount of gifts my BD is getting for her room on his hand last night and then asking me how many gifts his BD got. Well sorry we had to buy three cans of paint one of which was like $50.00. I bought the princess canopy and the LED flowers plus a couple of wrapped presents for her so she had something to open.
The office where my BD is has two french doors on it with huge windows in the middle of both doors. There are no curtains for the doors and my BD has come to me on more than one occassion stating that DH's son(5) has stood outside of the doors watching her get dressed. (He of course it not doing this to be sick. He's doing it to annoy her.) DH wants to calculate the cost of a curtain rod and curtains into the total cost of her b-day money. I told him that giving her privacy is not a b-day present. It's something that should have been done a long time ago. And if that's how he wants to think then we're going to have to deduct the amount it costs for the posters and the frames that he bought for his son out of either his b-day money or Christmas money. I mean fair is fair right? One kid shouldn't get more than the other.
Am I misunderstanding here or
Am I misunderstanding here or is the dh's son that is getting a sound system and dh wants to buy a flat screen tv 5 years old? I was thinking you were talking about a teen.
My dh used to have issues about "fairness". It drove me freaking batty. I had two kids from a previous marriage, we had one together, and he had ss. He used to get upset at Christmas time as I am the one that did the majority of shopping and if ss had one less present than even one of the other kids then he'd get upset and pouty for hours. He never compared and contrasted if my bios got more than our bio or vice versa-it was just if any 3 of my bios got more gifts than ss. Sometimes it wasnt even that they had more actual gifts-if dh just eyeballed the pile of gifts and the other kids looked like more than ss's he'd take issue with it. I finally told him several years ago-that I'd just stay out of it-he could purchase all of ss's gifts, whatever he liked I wasnt even setting a budget. You know what he bought ss that year-a bike. Just one gift. Unwrapped of course. That he actually picked up at the store on the way from picking him up from bm's. Maybe 80.00. My kids probably had closer to 175-200 worth of gifts a piece under the tree and that is what ss always had had previously as well. He gave it to him 2 days before xmas and then broke down and told me he didnt get him anything else and didnt have time to now. I smirked and pulled out the video game, board game, sweatshirt, and few other odds and ends I had picked up for ss. He has never mentioned ss's lack of presents vs the other kids again.
Just stop buying, decorating, doing for his kids. Buy what you want for your kid and then let him buy what he wants.
Am I misunderstanding here or
Am I misunderstanding here or is the dh's son that is getting a sound system and dh wants to buy a flat screen tv 5 years old? I was thinking you were talking about a teen.
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You heard me right. The kid is 5.
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Just stop buying, decorating, doing for his kids. Buy what you want for your kid and then let him buy what he wants.
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I'm fine with this but we are going to have to seperate our finances again because I'm not going to let him go all disney with the money that I work for. I have no problem helping with food, mortgage, and bills but I'm not going to contribute to his needing to spend hundreds of dollars on both of his kids for b-days and holidays. In fact I'm half tempted to tell him he's on his own this year for Christmas and b-days. We have a seperate account in my name where we save money for these events so I'll just cut him a check for his amount and we'll call it good. He can worry about his kids and I'll take care of mine. I don't want to fight about this anymore so I figured that this is the best solution and I'm through with telling him about what I have planned for my BD's Christmas and b-days. As far as I'm concerned if he's just going to get upset and act like a child then it's really none of his business.
Oh hell no. Listen, ANYTHING
Oh hell no. Listen, ANYTHING that you two bring to the marriage together, and from there on (unless you signed anything) is 50/50, if not more so for you, for go's sake!
DH and I had a HUGE fight two months ago and he had the balls to try to tell ME and BS1 to get out of "his house." WTF did you say dude? Oh, hell no. IF he wanted to break up, HE could pack his old crap up and don't let the door hit him, where the good lord split him. This girl learned the hard way, more than once.
Set him straight. Don't be afraid and don't let him see you afraid. More than likely, he'll learn his place. Mine can or get the hell out and pay us C/S. He can ride a bike to work and live in the gutter, but hell no, "his house?" Dude, you are NOT the only one who pays bills here. I'm evil, but smart. I'll wait 6 months till the new car is paid off, that I paid half for, then tell him he has to go. I just keep away from DH when he gets on my nerves as to not argue, etc.
good luck
Yep, when DH started talking
Yep, when DH started talking shit about my firstborn, I was livid. I had held so much crap inside (not healthy for the head) about his other son and nasty mom that I went ape shi* on him one day and told him how lame their parenting "style" was. At least my firstborn grew up and could read a damn book, get a great job, etc. Screw that talking about YOUR kids, no.
haha My DH does not have
haha My DH does not have money to keep seperate, if he even wanted to do such. The moron thinks he is going to get rich quick, doing cold calling sales pitches in todays ecomomy. Yeah..............
The dude should be looking for another job that will pay him half even of what he used to make when we married. He is a dreamer...
Sorry, but I think your
Sorry, but I think your marriage has WAY more issues than just skid related. What a mess.
Most do. It is like figuring
Most do. It is like figuring out every single aspect of a jigsaw puzzle, you know?
I agree with you Willow. We
I agree with you Willow. We fought all last month and finally just had a weekend where we enjoyed each others company. And then his kids come over and now we're right back to where we were before.
He wants to just drop it and I'm like nope not going to happen. I'm tiered of fighting about every effing thing with him. I mean everything is a fight. He didn't even want to move my BD into the office, which was a room that nobody hardly entered or used because his BD was being a little sh!t to mine, because and I quote, "I need to have my den."
So my BD can suffer at the hands of your BD because you want a to have a room that you never use. Well that makes since. Reverse rolls and my BD was treating his BD the same way, well, let's just say things would have been different.
<<<>>> Yeah, a lot different.
<<<>>>
Yeah, a lot different. Your daughter had to move to the crap office to get away from his daughter, but if roles were reversed and your daughter terrorized HIS daughter, do you think his darling would be moved into the shit office and given a bed and a box in the half the room with all the office stuff in there? HELL NO. She would retain the good room and he would pitch a fit for your kid to be removed as the "trouble maker" or if she did get moved, she would have covered doors, painted room, with all the stuff taken out.
Don't let this man treat your daughter like second class to his little prince and princess. There is no way that it is fair for you to combine finances and both of you to split 150 each kid when he has two kids, that is just you giving him 75 towards one of his kids!
What an ass, trying to give his 5 yr old a 200 flat screen then counting pennies over your 8 yr old having a covering for the open door trying to count out the curtain and rod??? That is so obsessive and petty.
When that girl moved into that bedroom, she should have gotten her room done "free" not counting toward birthday or Christmas. Ohh makes me so mad when someone tries to be so unfair and shows such disregard for anyone but the Royal OffSpring. If DH pulled that crap, I would have SERIOUS issues.
As for his "patronizing unless you want to fight with him" comment - you should have said BRING IT ON cause I am SICK of you treating your two like royalty going over 50-100 then counting the pennies on my girl having a cheap as rod and curtain for the shitty door in the shittiest office bedroom. OOOOoooh I would have been so mad!
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