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I gave my husband the ultimatum

upsetAllTheTime's picture

I told my husband either SS goes to military school or I leave with my children. He is exposing them to sex, drugs and alcohol and I do not want to lose my children. What I was not expecting was my husband to break down crying. I was taken aback. He says he cannot abandon his son like BM did. I was feeling for him but I had my own children to think about. So I kept firm although it was difficult for me.

I gave my husband all the information I got about military schools (thanks Rags!). I talked to some people at the military school near our house and emailed SS's school transcripts to them. They were very interested in meeting him and having him join the school. It is almost a dream come true. They say if he does well on the scholarship test he can get a full-ride untill college. And SS is very smart and will most probably get the scholarship. But SS will probably fail the exam on purpose.

I convinced my husband and he talked to SS. He says we want him to get the best oppurtunities and he tells him about the military school, the great campus etc. He tells SS we will visit/bring him home him every single weekend. Basically he was trying to sell the military school idea. SS FREAKS OUT! He says his grades are good enough and he is NOT leaving his life here. They talk back and forth. Then SS asks my husband if he wants him gone. My husband has reached the end of his rope by now. And he says, yes, I do not want you around my kids. SS goes into his room, grabs some clothes in a bag and just leaves. My husband first decides to wait for a few hours. But it was 1 am and SS still was not back so my husband starts panicking and calls SS's friends. People, he was gone for 22 hours! 2 more hours and the police would have gotten involved.

My husband found him try to hitch a ride 18 miles from where we are. We found out because someone from our town saw SS walking along the highway. That is so dangerous. There are psychos out there! My husband gets his dad and a friend and they both go out to pick up SS. My husband and the friend had to physically restrain SS while my FIL drove them back. My husband locked SS up in the room and put bars across the bedroom window so SS cannot escape. We did not tell our landlady. We will remove them before she comes around. SS is hollering non-stop. This is bloody insane! What on earth are we doing? My husband's plan is make SS's life miserable here so he will beg to go to military school. Please tell me this will get better.

Comments

upsetAllTheTime's picture

The wonderful people at child services (yeah right) will charge us if we let him go. We have to report him missing or we get slammed with negligent care. Also, my husband does not want his son to live off the streets. I do not want that either. It is freaking military school. We arent torturing him. I wish he knew we are only doing this in everybody's best interestes, including his.

upsetAllTheTime's picture

What am I supposed to do? Have my children taken away by child services because SS is out of control and smokes pot in the house. We have EXHAUSTED our options. It is not juvie. It is a great school that will give SS very good oppurtunities. I hate that I am making my husband choose but I am at the end of my rope. I will NOT lose my children because of SS.

VioletsareBlue's picture

I tend to agree with a lot of what you say, krisnkids, but I have to disagree with this one.
One kid doesn't get to ruin life for everyone else involved. Military school is a great idea, so would some sort of boot camp or residential treatment. Sometimes, as much as it sucks, you have to do what is best for the most and not for one (though getting him help is best for him).

Auteur's picture

Yeah bars on the window that aren't easily detachable from the inside are a no no fire hazardwise.

DH needs to send SS to military school. He doesn't have a choice. PERIOD! He is a danger to himself and others and needs to be enlisted at once!

upsetAllTheTime's picture

Maybe the bars were a spur of the moment decision that was not that great. We can only afford military school if SS gets the scholarship. And SS only gets the scholarship if he aces the scholarship exam. So we need SS to want this. Or it is hopeless.

upsetAllTheTime's picture

Seriously? I dont give a rats a** about what BM feels about this because she abandoned her son 2 years ago and hasnt looked back since. She is partying with her ex-con bf in mexico. I can honestly say she is the root cause of SS's problems. She messed him up. And my children are at risk at being taken away because SS is bringing drugs and alcohol into MY home. I have heard of people who lost their kids because an older child was doing drugs in the house. I will not let that happen to me. So yeah, spare me the "violating the privacy" bit. I am responsible for him now and I will have access to his grades as I see fit. I do feel badly for my husband. But I do not have a choice. So rather than push for SS to have some chance at help you want me to leave the situation and watch SS spiral out of control? Is that really what you are saying? It might backfire on me but I want to think that I at least tried.

aggravated1's picture

Oh, no-see, she is JUST the stepmom. We have a poster above calling foul because the stepmom ISN'T taking a backseat, but yet she is supposed to take the door off his room and give him only a mattress to sleep on??????? What a double standard.

Once again, a common theme-Stepmom's should have no say so in what goes on in their house, until the SK is screwing up, and then it is somehow the SM's fault and she needs to fix it. DAD needs to fix it, but guess what? These kids act this way because DAD DOESN'T.

upsetAllTheTime's picture

Thanks for the support people. I took a double take when someone told me I was overstepping. What a bunch of crock. When SS starts affecting my home life, the notion of overstepping goes out the window. We cannot have him commited to a treatment facility that is free unless he has serious issues (I think?). Of course, he is a great actor and no one will believe him. They will just look at his grades and sports and think he is just a mischevious kid. But he is bringing dangerous things into my home. And I need him OUT.

frustratedstepdad's picture

^^^Yes, it absolutely can happen. Happened to my wife's friend. She let her brother move in with her. Brother was living in the basement. Got in some trouble and the cops came to their house. Brother had some alcohol in the basement with him and the cops called DHS. Crap about how the alcohol wasn't locked up and the kids could have access to it. DHS took temporary custody of the kids. Now granted she got them back within a week and the cops in this case were assholes, but never underestimate the stupidity of DHS/CPS when it comes to your kids. Take all precautions necessary. Better to be safe than sorry.

lucky2bme87's picture

Really??? CPS/DHS can take kids away if you have alcohol in your home not locked up??? My DH (I don't drink alcohol) has a few bottles of beer in the fridge on occasion. SD7 has access to the fridge, although she can't open ANYTHING on her own. Smile

purpledaisies's picture

Um yes b/c they consider it neglect on the parents part by allowing him to bring it in the house. Make sense? Sad but true and the BD here is the one letting this happen. Sm is trying her hardest but she can't do anything if BD is not on board. That is this Sm problem BD is being a lazy shit head! Poor kid is growing up to think he can do no wrong and then bam he is going to be going to jail for drugs or what ever he did wrong b/c BD refused to PARENT! But of course it will be the SM fault b/c she didn't make BD do something. SIGH we just can;t win huh?? :sick: