My husband came back without SS
My husband returned home from his parents. And left SS there. They were gone for two days. He looked very upset and has not talked to me much. I feel bad because I made SS move out. But I have to think about our kids too. Just because BM gave SS so many issues does not mean I have to suffer for it. My husband said he yelled at SS and said many hurtful things he did not mean to say. He said he made SS cry. And that SS told him to come back here and he'll stay with his grandparents. When I heard this I felt REALLY bad. SS has abandonment issues from his mothe leaving and my husband is scared this is like the same thing. Today my husband was saying how most of the kids in SS's school do what he is doing (sex, pot, alcohol). And that at least SS has the grades and sports to make up for it. I did not say a word. I feel like he is going to become a guilty father like so many are described on this site. My husband wants to give 50 dollars a week to his parents for keeping SS. That is money we really don't have but it our only choice. If SS goes to the military school, we would not have to spend any money, but SS absolutely refuses to go. At least he is away from my children.
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Not trying to be a brat...
Not trying to be a brat... but how is it that SS is refusing to go to Military School? Is is saying he will run away or what? I guess I just don't understand when people say that a child is refusing to do something... when did this ever even become an option?
And as my mother used to tell me ALL the damn time when I would whine and moan about the fact that "everybody else is doing it"... if everyone else was jumping off the Brooklyn Bridge, does that mean your SS needs to do it? I feel bad for your H, but he needs to be the parent here and SS refusing to do ANYTHING should not be an option.
The only way we can afford
The only way we can afford military school is if SS writes the scholarship exam, which gives him a full-ride. SS would have no problem aceing the test but of course, he has to write it willingly. That's why I said he refuses to go. Unless he gets a scholarship, we cannot afford it. And he refuses to write the test. Not much we can do. We can force him to write it but he will fail on purpose. My H has tried everything under the sun. Nothing works.
We do not have much money. I
We do not have much money. I have a child with medical issues and it really sucks us dry to pay for what insurance does not cover. SS has a part-time job that he uses to buy himself nice things. We have only been able to provide the bare basics. I cook very cheap and in large quantities. I was just saying how SS going to military school would be easier on us financially. That's all. I am not saying we are not paying. That would be unfair to my in-laws.
This military school was
This military school was interested in having SS, even after I told them his issues. It would also provide great education and opportunities. It would have been good for him. SS is not in need of rehab (yet). He says he only does pot once in a while and drinks like all the other kids. If that is true, then I don't think needs rehab. But hte military school would have realyl helped by providing a more disciplined enviroment.
like I said before, he'll get
like I said before, he'll get the free ride if he writes the exam but he has made it clear he won't. That was the end of that. Now, we are trying to make do with the new situation.
Guess I didn't realize that.
Guess I didn't realize that. We had a military school type program in the school district that I work in where problem kids were referred by parent or the current school and as long as parent agreed to it, didn't matter whether the kid "wanted" to go or not. I can't even begin to tell you how many kids this program turned around. Unfortunately the lovely state of NY cut Education aid so we lost the program and the kids just run amok again unless the courts send them away.
So there's an idea... can't you file a PINS (Person In Need of Supervision) or something to that affect with your CPS or school or however they do it where you live? What about a residential treatment facility or something of that nature? Where it does not matter if SS says he wants to go or not? And (at least in my state) the cost of such programs is born by the students school district or by the County.
We scrimped and saved to send
We scrimped and saved to send him to a few sessions but he would either not talk or lie to the counsellor. We just could not afford it anymore for him to not say anything.
Don't think we did not try.
Don't think we did not try. Just dead ends oe after another. We also talked to the school to get the school counsellor to talk to him. One visit and that was it. He does good in school and has a lot of friends. So they think it is fine. Believe me, we have gone crazy trying to get him help.
That is pretty unfair. We
That is pretty unfair. We were not expecting to be layed off at the same time when we had our kids. Which, by the way is just one between us. I have my own child. And he has his. We both got new jos that do not pay as well, so we are trying to make ends meet. But yes, we understand SS needs time with a therapist, thats why we tried getting free ones but we have been stopped everytime. We are on waiting list for a free program and its 3 months long. We have been on it since February 19.
Our insurance does not cover
Our insurance does not cover therapy. The main problem with his drinking and occasional pot use (so he says) is that all his friends are doing it and he does not think its a problem. He says he drinks socially. But he seems to forget he is only 15.