This is the only place I feel truly heard
My bf and I had therapy yesterday, the therapist (who is divorced and has a kid) told me that maybe I'm jealous of the coddling skid gets from her dad.
To which I replied "no, I would just not like to get yelled at by bf every single time skid acts up because he doesn't want to parent her". I can't seem to have anyone take what I say seriously, as if my feelings aren't my own and that something deeper is going on. bf has let skid walk all over everyone for months which caused major issues between us, to the point that I don't think we are going to last. All because he thinks he does "gentle parenting" when in reality it's like no parenting. This past month he's sort of stepped up but it doesn't undue or fix the last 4 months before it, when he blatantly ignored everyone else's feelings and comfort that werent his little shnookums'.
Has anyone else run into similar issue? If i tell you what I'm am feeling then its what I mean. I feel like it's used to put me down, and further excuse the skids behavior.
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Good Gawd
Maybe Ms. Piss Poor therapist has daddio issues herself.
Id find a new one. Like seriously its a parenting issue, which affects the whole dang family. BUT noooo...lets make the evil SM the jealous one. Lucky you, you get to be the scapegoat at home, and now with the therapist. SMH
You Need A New Therapist
I say this repeatedly. Just because someone is a therapist does not make them a good therapist or a qualified therapist. I strongly suggest "interviewing" potential therapists, especially asking if they have experience dealing with the High Conflict Stepworld, PAS, Disneyland Dad behaviors, etc. They are out there but it may take a few interviews to find. If you are into reading, check out Dr. Amy J. L. Baker. She is an expert in this field.
https://www.amyjlbaker.com
We had to "fire" a therapist years back. Get this. We chose to pay spousal support off (agreed to by my DH to help BM get an education, which she did not). Once the check was written, the joint therapist asked us to begin paying kids' school tuition (they went to a private ultra Christian school which they were both eventually kicked out of). DH said absolutely not; that's what the $2k monthly CS was for. She also wanted me to do MORE for the BM. Umm..BM sat on her ass doing NOTHING while I worked 48 hours a week and took care of her kids way too much. That's when I ended the relationship with that therapist.
As for your current therapist, she's NOT a fit for your family problems. I've not heard one SM here say she's jealous of the coddling...more like, weirded out, concerned, taken aback, enabling behaviors, etc. Why? Because the "coddling" we see here is borderline enmeshment or pure enmeshment filled with Disneyland dad parenting and PAS from the BMs.
Yep, you need a new therapist. Best to you.
Wasabi
So - how old is this kiddo you keep posting about?
I too get tired of the coddling and catering and having to tip toe through the eggshell dance so SD16 Pouty McPouterson doesnt get her fee fees hurt. But I read through your previous postings - and to get on the empathy wagon, can you give us an idea of the age?
Sounds as if your therapist has personal divorced BP issues.
Hopefully the therapist is paying you.
The therapist
Is either an HCGUBM or Guilty Daddy.
NEXT!!!!
OMF I am so mad for you. I
OMF I am so mad for you. I would find a different therapist as this one sounds like he/she has some issues. Jealous?! That's just the most ridiculous thing!
I have been accused of being jealous of my ex SS by his dad. There was never any jealousy on my end. I was just disturbed by their weird, spouse-like relationship and the constant coddling of his son which was turning him into more of a lazy, entitled little sh&t. Their relationship was not normal and the coddling of his son created an unhealthy dynamic in the household by putting his son in a power position. Everything in our lives was dictated by his son. Coddling, "gentle parenting" or, "being his friend" (that was what my ex said his parenting style was) are not effective parenting styles. Any intelligent, educated therapist would know this.
I too only feel heard on this website. When I was still married to my ex, I would try to open up conversations with a close friend or family members about my ex's lack of parenting and weird relationship with his son and I was met with things like, "oh well everyone parents differently," or "you're not a parent, so it's hard for you to understand the parent-child relationship." I am so very thankful for this website and the amazing people on it.
In my opinion, you should find a different therapist. I also would encourage you to re-examine this relationship and consider how it aligns/might align with what you want for your future.
SM’s are at the bottom of
society's pecking order. The order is Dad's or non-Dads (men) Step-Dad's (more men) Child-Free women, Mom's and then last of all at the very bottom ... Step-Moms. There is zero payoff for being a super Step-Mom. I know some will argue that Mom's have it better than Dad's but the data doesn't back that up. Of course there are exceptions to every rule here and there ...