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My skids stink. Literally, they smell.........bad after being at BM's house.

WeddedBliss.sofar's picture

Submitted by WeddedBliss.sofar on Fri, 09/30/2011 - 10:55am

They do not have body odor (although SD12 DOES have to be reminded about deodorant, BM doesn't enforce this, so this is another instance where we are the "bad cops."). Anyway, it's their clothes and hair. They reek of something similar to: sewage, cigarette smoke, dog/cat urine and feces, and.....Downy (like spraying perfume on a dirty, nasty whore :)).

We have to make them immediately change when they come here. We've said something to BM about this and she just says: " I can't smell anything." And the skids always say they don't notice it either. I guess when you live with it, you can no longer smell it. I believe that the animals (2 cats and 1 dog) have destroyed the carpets, and the sub-floors, and the smell has permeated the whole house. The cats constantly spray the jackets and bookbags, and so I'm constantly washing bookbags a couple times a week.

Don't know what we can do about it, but it seems to be getting much, much worse recently.

Has anybody had a similar situation? Just curious how it was handled. DH says he's gonna give it another month and then he's going to do something about it - but WHAT can he possibly do? Supposedly, BM is getting new carpet soon (heard that before.) But, I'm sure the sub-floors are ruined, and unless you do something about the animals - like don't leave for the entire weekend with your dog in the house. The skids tell us their dog only has #2 accidents in the house............Yea, right! And this is a big dog - he's a lab.

Don't know what to dooooooooooo. All opinions and advice appreciated. Thanks!

Comments

the_stepmonster's picture

Submitted by the_stepmonster on Fri, 09/30/2011 - 11:01am

Ugh gross. I think I barfed in my mouth a little. Don't know if there is anything you really can do except to keep enforcing good grooming habits. BM sends us dirty kids all the time so we have to make sure they shower first thing when they arrive. Last Sunday they managed to avoid a shower all day so when DH was getting ready to drop them off I asked "Aren't you going to make them shower?" He replied "Nah, I'm just gonna deliver them like I get them - dirty." It was pretty funny. Hopefully their mother made them shower before going to bed for school that night but who knows.

mlmt1128's picture

Submitted by mlmt1128 on Fri, 09/30/2011 - 11:13am

Oh yes. Before stepson came to live with us he stunk wretched when we picked him up. Like his clothes were sitting in a hamper for weeks and she just pulled them out instead of doing laundry. And that's exactly what it was. One of my nephews asked him why he smelled like nachos. I could not help but laugh. Needless to say, I actually do laundry so he smells just fine now. I used to wash his clothes as soon as he got here because everyone noticed it.

WeddedBliss.sofar's picture

Submitted by WeddedBliss.sofar on Fri, 09/30/2011 - 12:41pm

I don't know if the kids at school have made fun of them. But, a good friend of ours let her little girl stay the weekend at BM's house a couple weeks ago and we ran into her at a football game, and she told us that her kid's clother smelled bad when she picked her up.

DoingItAgain's picture

Submitted by DoingItAgain on Fri, 09/30/2011 - 11:23am

Yuck. That stinks. Smile Unfortunately, I think you are stuck with the situation. My SS comes home reaking like cigarette smoke EOW. Apparently BM and step dad smoke in the house. Everything he brings home, reaks like cigarettes... backback and his fottball gear bag. I make him take a shower (which of course he gets ticked about cuz he sometimes already had one that day) and I throw the football gear bag in the garage to air out for a couple days. He doesn't smell it. Just like smokers don't know how much they stink to us non-smokers! It wouldn't do any good to say anything to our BM. She would just say 'you can't tell me what to do in my house'. And she's right. Even though she is affecting the health of her son (let alone the smell!). Stupid BM. Go ahead, keep f'ing him up!

JustAnotherSM's picture

Submitted by JustAnotherSM on Fri, 09/30/2011 - 11:33am

I have this problem with my MIL and BIL. They live together in a cat-infested home where they put litter boxes in every room of the house but the cats don't seem to know how to use them. :?

The carpets are gross and I make so many excuses not to bring our young children over to visit. We have tried to explain why, but they don't notice the smell and think we're just being snobs. So they take the extroardinary step of lighting a candle when we come over so the smell won't be as bad. When they come to our house, their clothes smell awful as do their coats and purse.

This has been going on for about 6 or 7 years now. Every time DH talks to MIL or BIL about it, they have a million excuses and make dozens of promises, but never follow through. It's sad.

If it gets really bad, you can call CPS but there are no guarantees that they'll find the conditions deplorable enough to actually do anything about it. Counselling is a good option too, but don't know how to get a BM on board with that. Sorry I don't have any good advice, just empathy.

shielded2009's picture

Submitted by shielded2009 on Fri, 09/30/2011 - 11:33am

Ugh!

Yeah...We just deal with it...DH has SD change her clothes and shower as soon as she gets to our house. The smell of her clothes are horrid...We don't say anything to SD or BM...We just wash her clothes and keep it moving...

newbiemommy's picture

Submitted by newbiemommy on Fri, 09/30/2011 - 5:00pm

Same here. SD10 is not required to shower, use deodorant, and she's allowed to pee her pants. Yes, I know that's insane but hermother lets her pee herself so she doesn't feel the need to use the bathroom. Unless she cones home in pee clothes we don't say anything. She is always required to get directly in the shower when she gets back.

Sweetnothings's picture

Submitted by Sweetnothings on Fri, 09/30/2011 - 11:47am

Yuk !! I used to hate this too. Skids used to come every weekend, and younger skid was always worse, clothes were grubby.... Plus their clothes were covered in dog fur from two big dogs.....sometimes I wondered if they had plucked their clothes straight from the dogs' basket......eurghhhh !!

Also meant stripping their beds, EVERY week after their two night visit, as I wasn't going to allow that sorta dirty dog smell to stay on the bedclothes in their rooms...... In MY house.......

Lauren1438's picture

Submitted by Lauren1438 on Fri, 09/30/2011 - 12:11pm

My FDH Called Child Protective Services on BM about the living conditions three months after they divorced. It was bad the girls had rashes all over their bodies and when they would go to FDH home they smelt horrible. They would tell him the last bath they had was with him and he has them every other weekend (NASTY and UNHEALTHY!). Needless to say the visit scared the shit out of her. She thought that it was the day care that called her in and she pulled the girls out the next day and told FDH that the day care was mistreating the girls and she decided to changed day cares. FDH told me that from then on the kids were almost always clean when he got them and thankfully the rashes went away.

stepfamilyfriend's picture

Submitted by stepfamilyfriend on Fri, 09/30/2011 - 12:27pm

The smell thing...
Here is my take. If it comes from BM's house, there is little you can do about it. Can't really make the kids feel bad if BM has a dirty or stinky house. Maybe DH can communicate with her, maybe not, but the kids should not be made to feel bad for that.
If the skids smell ( like BO), then it really depends. If you have a good relationship with the skid and you can matter of factly say something and they are receptive and not hurt, then go for it. If you don't have a good, close relationship with the skids, then the bio parent should be the one to say something.
It is a fine line and some people navigate it better than others. Any relationship that has serious problems, will only get worse if you enter humiliation in the picture. Some can address the smell thing and it won't feel like rejection and humiliation, and others should steer clear from the subject, unless they are trying to precipitate things, in which case this will definitively send a clear message.
So it really depends on the situation and it's hard to give advice that will work for everyone.
As a guideline I would say"
1. You are close to the skids- ok to tell them they smell, go take a shower
2. Already a difficult/painful relationship"
a. you are still trying for a decent outcome- let the bio deal with it.
b. you have given up, want them gone, open war- go ahead and tell them they stink.

I am not trying to minimize the grossness of having to smell someone when they stink, I am really not. I am honestly trying to advise on a delicate subject.

WeddedBliss.sofar's picture

Submitted by WeddedBliss.sofar on Fri, 09/30/2011 - 12:38pm

Stepfamilyfriend, you are right, it is a delicate situation. I never say anything to the skids about the smells and I have a really good relationship with them. Often, DH will say to me "come over here and smell this" and I will agree and say I smell "something". It isn't the skids' fault, so I don't want to make them feel bad. As for the deodorant thing, we will just joke about it with them and tell them to remember to put on deodorant after their shower. The BM does not make them put on deodorant, brush teeth, take showers, etc..... So, we just do the best we can when we have them which is every Tuesday, Thursday, and EOW - so it's a frequent problem around here, but I am glad we have them as ofter as we do, or else it would be an even BIGGER issue for us.

stepfamilyfriend's picture

Submitted by stepfamilyfriend on Fri, 09/30/2011 - 1:07pm

It sounds like you are dealing with it very well and I am sorry you have to deal with something like that at all. And thanks for being so receptive to my comment; I was concerned it would come off a little strong. So thanks.

reeny511's picture

Submitted by reeny511 on Fri, 09/30/2011 - 1:23pm

It could be worse. In my situation SD comes to our house reeking of cigs, cat hair/litter box stank, and plain ole body odor. Dont even get me started on how bad her feet smell! Her dad will tell her to go take a shower and instead she goes to her room and douses herself with perfume! I come home and the whole house stinks. I always have to be the bad guy and demand that she go take a shower. Of course she argues that she already had one and why cant she just take a shower in the morning. Duh, because I would like to be able to breathe in my own damn house! Sorry no advice, just commiserating!

Auteur's picture

Submitted by Auteur on Fri, 09/30/2011 - 1:36pm

OH yeah same here except without the cigarette smoke.

They'd smell like:

1. ill-cared for pets
2. human feces/urine (showers if any are soapless/no hygiene/bed pissing/lots of ass mining)
3. stink breath (no toothbrushing mandated with either the BM or biodad I live with)
4. mildew (the BM is infamous for mildewing clothes in the washer then not rewashing them; just popping them in the dryer to bake in that soured smell)
5. terrible foot stank (could knock a buzzard off a dung wagon at 50 paces)
6. stinky hair and body odor (see item 2)

I chalked it up to no bedtimes or proper sleep, no proper diet and zero hygiene.