Anyone ever had a confrontation with BM in front of the skids? I'm curious about the outcome and/or aftermath......
BM and I are going to have a confrontation. The very next chance I get. DH knows it's coming, and is prepared to remove skids from the area immediately.
When BM invades my home by drunk dialing DH at 2 in the morning, while my sister is very sick in the hospital, while my granddaughters (who are 3 and 5 and I have custody of) are sleeping, and HER daughters are also sleeping here.....well, then IT'S ON.
This hasn't happened in a couple years. I don't know why she called. DH answered because the screen on his phone is messed up and doesn't show the caller - and, of course, I made him answer as I was terrified something awful happened with my sister. DH says "Hello" a couple times and doesn't get a response. Just music, people talking/laughing, obvious bar sounds. After DH hung up, he had to open his phone back up to see who the caller was - Lo and Behold, the BM.
You know how your heart races......when the phone rings in the middle of the night??? It's never a good thing, it's usually an emergency and very bad news. I'm just thankful it wasn't about my sister. But, I could not get back to sleep till almost 4.
And no, she couldn't have "butt dialed" DH's number because BM hasn't called DH's phone since September. SD12 has her own cell phone, and that's how we communicate with the skids.
She had to get into her contacts to call DH.
I am really annoyed, frustrated, and resigned to the fact that I am going to have to confront her about this. Many, many other things happened this past week and weekend. Too many things to mention. All of these things have to be addressed. My DH will handle some of the issues, but the drunk dialing thing - that's ALL MINE.
Please tell me about your experiences with confronting the BM.
Thanks.
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I always do it with no kids
I always do it with no kids around. I like to use big words that she would never understand and because she doesn't she just stands around with a stupid look on her face wondering what I am talking about. The lights are on but there's never anyone home with her.
How did you do it with no
How did you do it with no kids around? I never see BM alone. She has suggested several times for us to have lunch and "discuss" our issues. I always say "name the time and place", and it never happens.
In 7 years it has happened
In 7 years it has happened twice. Once SS was too young to remember. BM was at our house, she and DH were discussing who was to claim SS on taxes (it was never settled in court). They got in to a screaming match and I just swooped up SS and took him outside to play. He was only about 3 so he didn't really have any idea what was going on.
The second time I am very ashamed of. It was far more recent, this past summer. BM was contimplating moving an hour away. But still wanted to keep SS on school nights (keep the current schedule) making promises that SS will not be late for school etc. Well, she can't even get him to school on time now, and she lives about 15 minutes from the school. And the particular place while only an hour away, is an hour in to the mountains where is snows regularly and the roads get shut down. Not smart to commute to school or work from up there. Her dad lives there. Anyways, we dropped SS off to her and she started in talking about it. We were on the outside of her gate, she was inside and SS had gone in the house. The talk turned in to an argument and at some point SS walked outside and was standing there watching. Somehow I got dragged in to it (I am sure DH compared her lazy stupid ass to me) and I blurted out "Jesus woman, when are you going to start BEING A MOM". After I said it, I immediately felt bad. BM started going off, cursing at us screaming... SS just started crying. DH stormed in the gate and picked him up. He just cried and cried. And told them to stop. I went and sat in the car.
The next day BM texted and apologized for fighting in front of SS. She also said that she understood our concerns and was changing her plans. I don't know what came over her over night. I do know that after I walked away, DH ripped her a new one very calmly and told her how stupid she is without yelling.
I will never bring up a confrontational subject in front of SS again. I felt terrible and I wasn't even the one that brought it up.
I had a confrontation with
I had a confrontation with BM#2 over the phone once... I'm pretty sure that SS was in the general vacinity, but since he was with BM I had no control over that.
I can honestly say that if the roles would have been reversed and SS would have been with us during the spat with BM I would have made certain that I went to another area of the house to have it out with her. The only reason I know that either SS must have been right there, or BM must have given him adult spousal status like she always does and told him about the altercation is because SD13 told me later, that SS told her that his mother and I got into a fight.
I honestly don't think it appropriate for ANY child to see adults fighting.
I agree with everything you
I agree with everything you said, StepAside.
But, this wasn't a "butt dial".
She had to go to her contacts, look up DH's number, and call - at 2 in the morning.
I have cooled off - some. But, it's festering in me - like a boil that needs to be lanced.
I have been silent for over three years. BM's own father called me a "c-word" at a sporting event in front of the skids - BM was drunk that day, and laughed, spilling beer down her shirt - in front of skids. I kept silent. DH did not.
BM told others that I have herpes. I kept silent. DH did not.
BM told others that she was sleeping with my ExH. I laughed, couldn't care less. (wasn't true anyway.)
BM told skids that if it wasn't for me, her and DH would be back together. I kept silent. DH did not.
(they were divorced in 2006, I showed up in 2008)
I have custody of my granddaughters. My daughter, (their mother) hears my wrath when I'm pissed at her for the late night drunken calls and text messages. Lots of people have kids. Lots of people do stupid things that they need to be accountable for.
I agree that adults should
I agree that adults should never fight in front of kids. But, let's face it, it happens. Around here, if DH and I have a disagreement, we go to the garage. (it's detached)
I just feel like I have let so many things build up. Coming to this site to vent, helps.
It lets some of the steam out - but, not all.
In all reality, I care too much for my skids and our family to allow them to see me be "mean" to their Mommy. They know she drunk dialed our house, because DH told them. I don't know why he told them, but he did. I think he was just very frustrated because lots of things happened this past week.
BM not showing up for their first soccer game, (which SHE signed them up for), KNOWING the coach expected payment of $120.
BM not making sure SD10 had all her cheer stuff in her bag and SD10 crying on the phone with BM because BM "couldn't make it to her cheer game", thankfully the cheer coach had extra cheer panties.
SD12 having a BIG project due Monday, that had been assigned 30 days ago (paper signed by BM - which we never saw until this past Friday), and SD12 FORGOT everything she needed at school. I realize this is SD12's fault for neglecting her school responsibilities, but for the past two weekends that BM had SD12, SD12 spent the night with friends from Friday to Sunday night. Then leaves the BIG project up to us to get done at the last minute. Thankfully, the school was opened for basketball Saturday morning and SD12 was able to get her stuff from her locker. Project got done - and looked great.
It's just been a hard week, ladies. It all stems from the fact that BM has a new boyfriend, a drinker who really likes to party, so again, the BM will rather spend time with him, than even think about what skids may need or what sporting event they might be in.
I guess I'm wondering though,
I guess I'm wondering though, what a confrontation with a drunk/hungover/doesn't care BM is going to accomplish. I know it totally sucks being the one to let things go all the time, but somtimes it's just not worth the battle.
I often wish that I WOULDN'T have gotten into it with BM. It really accomplished nothing, other than both of us saying things that we didn't mean and once you say nasty things, you can't take them back. She actually apologized to me a couple of years ago for being "offensive" but it really didn't mean anything to me. Damage done, too far gone here.
You are probably right,
You are probably right, Daizy. It would accomplish nothing, really. BM will just play the "victim" to the skids. And then I would be the bad guy.
Although, I would feel better for that short moment............it's not worth it to me for the skids to see me go to "her" level.
Talking about it this morning on this site - has made me feel lots better.
I'm not saying it's not gonna happen down the road, but I will let the BM initiate it. If the skids are around, I will walk away with dignity and class (as I always do). If the skids aren't around, then she will get an earful.
Our BM is so dumb, it
Our BM is so dumb, it wouldn't exactly be an arguement, not if I have to use flashcards to keep it nice and simple for her ........ }:) }:) }:)
LOL - love that!
LOL - love that!
PB (BM) TRIED to have a
PB (BM) TRIED to have a confrontation (actually with DH, not necessarily with me) in front of the skids. This is how it went...
The night my DH proposed...
We went to a restaurant we love to go to and he asked me to be his wife. He gave me the ring...
When we were on our way out the door, guess who JUST SO HAPPENED to be at the same damn restaurant with skids in tow....PB. She started yelling at the top of her lungs that we were starving the skids! WTF?!?
DH wanted to ignore and keep walking. I couldn't stand to have her stand their yelling at us while we walked away like a pair of puppies getting disciplined. On the other hand, I knew if I got into a "conversation" with PB directly, I might not have been able to contain my temper.
So what I did was, I walked directly over to them (which shut PB up for the moment. I guess she was nervous over what I was going to do), I bent down to get direct eye level with SD (she was about 8-9) and, ignoring PB, said, "SD, if you are EVER hungry at our house, just let us know and we will make sure you get something to eat. But we don't KNOW if you are hungry if you don't TELL us. And telling your mom won't get you food at OUR place. You have to tell one of US."
Then, still completely ignoring PB (she's a drama QUEEN and I am sure that bothered her more than anything else I would have done), I turned back around and walked out of the place. Head held high, holding my new fiance's hand.
This is a battle for DH to
This is a battle for DH to fight, not you. HE should be marching his face up to her face and telling her that she is NEVER to call his cell phone, unless it is a skid emergency period.
Clearly she has boundary issues...and gets her rocks off by drunk dialing her ex husband. He needs to put a stop to it, period.