My ex and I have a pretty amicable relationship. We email eachother pertaining to the our children (maybe once a week) and have a phone conversation about once a month but that is it. It's very matter of fact/all business. I'll tell you what though, his HO girlfriend called me at work ONE time to ask what shoe sizes my kids were and I told him, "Please tell her NEVER to call me at work unless there is an emergency pertaining to MY children."

My DH can NOT have a civil conversation with his Ex without one or the other hanging up. It's ridiculous and they never get anything accomplished. Their child knows that neither one knows what's going on and she pits them against eachother every chance she gets.

However, in your situation, the communication sounds a little excessive between them and if you're being relied upon to help enforce their decisions, why shouldn't you be copied on emails especially if it involves picking someone up or someone's not supposed to be on their cellphone or something. DH sounds like he's just saving time copying you so he doesn't have to remember the 45 things he's been assigned to do by BM. Maybe at some point he will get sick of it and act like a big boy and tell her it's getting a little excessive and that she should trust his judgement....either that or maybe she could make a one-time list once a week and send it to him.

It's never late, in fiction or in life, to revies.--Nancy Thayer

calls it 'emotional enmeshment' when they communicate too often. Many times, which could have been done with one phone call or e-mail. And yes, they can hate each other and still have emotional enmeshment. And she also says when the kids are old enough, usually teenagers, some of this communication can be done through them. Not putting them in the middle, but you can find out what your kid is doing through them a lot of the time and not have to go through ex.

What does that mean? My BB will call and text 24-7 for stuff that isn't even her business and write that she looks forward to seeing him to drop off the kids, etc. She is getting divorced again (3 month marriage) and now, its started all over. How do you stop it? He flat out tell hers to quit emailing him about everything under the sun. He can't discipline the kids for her when she lives three states away nor does he need to be awoken at 5 in the morning to be told the youngest has a fever.

that they still have emotional attachment. That because they were once married, and now divorced, they still have an emotional attachment to each other, one that is not needed to coparent the kids. One or the other and in some instances both, just want to hang on to the attachment and won't let it go so uses every excuse in the book to call the other one. Most of the time it's the bio mom that keeps the attachment, but then the bio dad usually enjoys the attention and won't stop it. I'm not sure what more your DH can do if you think he's done his best to get her to stop. Maybe if he tells her one final time not to e-mail if it is not important and about the kids and if this doesn't work he can tell her that you will now be reading all e-mails from her and if it is not important and about the kids you will be deleting them because he doesn't want to read them. I don't know he could try it. My old BF wouldn't do that because he thinks he needs to talk to her, that his only real insight about what his kids are doing...so is afraid she won't tell him the important things so he listens to everything. But yet, again they have 'emotional enmeshment'...she still controls him.

Hanny

My Dh calls Bm only when he has too. Ss is old enough to take care of some of the conversations with Bm. Now if we could just get Bm to take care of some things on her own or have ss call. When ss is there for the weekend, Bm calls us all weekend long. Some of the things like homework questions, etc. I think that ss should be able to call his dad and ask.

Dawn

because I talk to my ex maybe on average once a week. BUT that is because I take care of everything when it comes to their day to day life and he has very little involvement. (Only because he works nights and is sleeping when the rest of us are functioning) Usually our conversations last two minutes and actually we have resorted to texting the matters that don't even require talking.

But then on the other side my husband's ex will call ten times a day if you allow her. Now, I wouldn't think that much of it if she wasn't a codependent, pyscho starving for attention. It's a crap shoot for DH to know what sort of mood she's in. Sometimes she'll call to discuss a meaningful matter or it will to be just to scream.

My advice. Tell DH you are sick of her calling all the time. Then with a roll of your eyes, walk out of the room when she calls. My DH started letting the phone go to voicemail everytime the phone rings when I'm sitting there. If he wants to deal with her antics, he can do it on his own time not on mine. She stopped even calling him at night when I'm there because she knows he won't pick up the phone. It has helped tremendously. Out of sight out of mind for me.

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."

my DB would talk with his ex almost on a daily basis she would do the same things just like you explained Wifi. It was just getting ridiculous and I brought it to his attention... I agree about the emotional enmeshment... This is tough surviorship!!! All in the name of LOVE!!! We must be crazy about these men!! I know I am I keep telling myself, "Pick your battles and this is all temporary" I know the kids didn't choose this so I try to be patient with them but, I have no patients for the BM I can't believe what a greedy person she is... I know that my ex H has the BEST ex W that there is I never harrass him or call him more than once maybe every six months... I know that as the kids get older it gets better. I agree with co parenting and try to have an open mind but, when that relationship seems like it is just continuing on that is when it hurts me. I usually let him know exactly how I feel we do have really good communication in our relationship...

My husband almost never has any contact with his ex. No phone calls, no email, nothing. If they even see each other once or twice a year that's a lot. Only the kids (teenagers) deal with her and that is actually only once in awhile. When the kids were younger of course it was more but as the kids get older there is less of a need.

I talk to my exH or his wife several times a week. Sometimes just to shoot the breeze. We do not have emotional enmeshment. I could just as easily talk to the boys' SM as my exH. We have all become friends. I think the disturbing part is your H's ex writing that you should not be included. I felt this way VERY early on while still getting used to parenting apart. Occasionally my sons' SM calls me upset with something exH and I agreed on (that's tough for me, but I respond calmly because we have such a strong relationship established.)

Now my SD's BM? They talk once a week at MOST. Because BM hates us. She has refused to cooperate with us or be civil with us. So DH calls her as little as possible. Interestingly, we tried once a week communication when they had 50/50 to discuss important issues with SD. BM hated that as well. She thought everything should go through SD. I happen to think that led to a lot of selective sharing and manipulation on SD's part. If she didn't wish to share something negative (a bad grade or detention) she would take it to her mom to sign and beg her not to share it with DH b/c "He's so mean". In other words b/c there would be consequences for getting in trouble at school here and there aren't there.

I think your communication sounds excessive for the relationship they have now. If you were all friends then it would be different. But you're not. It's obvious BM doesn't think you have any part in raising her kids. Neither did my SD's BM which is funny b/c I do most of the parenting being a stay at home mom.

Peace, love, and red wine

He made the ex email us only on out joint account, that she knows is joint, she wont adress them to me and will still email DH at his work addy but he wont respond unless she sends it to the joint act. This cuts back on her telling him she still thinks they will be back together, that i am the only thing standing in her way - this from a woman who through him to the curve for another man - a highschool sweetheart - and took his kids - oh and two weeks later had the BF with her to meet DH to get his girls. He thought they were still working things out but god forbid if I even answer the phone, she refuses to speak. I have now just started saying - i guess your connection is bad, if you can't respect me enough to have the decenc to speak - i am hanging up. She said it wasn't fair - it hurts her to see or hear my voice -

Hi, new here! My DH ex did this for several years after their divorce. I agree with some of the other posters; it was certainly emotional attachment on her part. She would call him at work, all hours of the day and night, all the time. DH asked her to stop and when she did not, he stopped answering her calls so she would have to leave voicemails. He never gave her his email so that was never an issue. If he felt the call deserved a return call, he would. But 99.9% of the time, they got deleted without a second thought. These women believe they deserve special treatment because they just so happen the be "the mother of their children." Once the marriage is over, it is over and there is a reason why it ended. Now, communication is neccessary for coparenting the children. However, there is a line and sometimes DH has to draw that line in the sand for them. I do not believe you should be the one to do this. You are hated enough as it is. Do not add any uneccessary drama. Good Luck!

d

Wow. Not to CC you? THAT IS DISRESPECTFUL TO YOUR PLACE AS HIS WIFE!!!
I have to wonder about the Golden Rule here "Do unto others" lady. She wouldn't like it if she were in your shoes.