I've got a SD that only seems to come around in November of every year and of course ALWAYS shows up on Christmas morning. Other than that we don't see her much, oh yea she'll come around a few weeks before or after her birthday, just to pick up what daddy bought her. :sick: Or if she needs her car fixed or money to pay her bills. The other SD got married and when daddy told her what he could afford to give her, she went screaming to her mommy, mommy then called daddy and screamed at him for not giving her enough money for her wedding, so I know he ended up going way over what we had budgeted and what we helped by BD with her wedding. And it goes on and on and on and on -my sucky life....

I see this and imagine my future. I don't have the answers except what is always said, it is the guilt thing. Whether it is guilt for past stuff, the divorce, etc...or anticipatory guilt...as with my DH this year. They are trying to avoid crappy feelings and blame...they know they are probably 'wrong' but the fear of the crappy feelings and blame having validity is worse than getting busted by you...JMO. I deal with this same crap day in and day out...and my SD is only 17. And yes he will just do it behind your back...which is what I've always said feels like betrayal. I was put down for saying that...bc apparently him 'talking to his daughter' causing me to feel betrayed is heinous...but it's the deception that hurts. I don't think in my DH's case he means it that way...but he is not seeing that the impact will take something from him regardless. They live in denial of the consequence of MAYBE losing their marriages, wife's trust, intimacy, etc for fear of the immediate consequences of shame and blame that their kid will bash them with FOR SURE.