What is communication like with your partner?
Does your partner look at his/her phone while you are talking?
Mine does this all the time- literally. To the point where the couples counselor even told him that she wasn't sure he was hearing her because he was looking at his phone while she was talking.
Does your partner make small talk with you- can you tell him or her about an interesting news story or show you are watching and get feedback?
Mine interrupts me in mid sentence with a completely unrelated topic as if I weren't even talking. I often feel stupid because I know he doesn't care about what I was saying, and don't bring it up again.
Does your partner forget you are even there? Twice last week, as we were walking into the house together, he shut the door in my face while I walked in behind him. He literally forgot I was with him, twice. When we arrive at a place together (which is rare because he rarely goes anywhere) he gets out of the car and starts purposefully walking to the door, fast- leaving me behind to walk alone. I don't want to run after him like a child. It doesn't occur to him to walk with the person he came with. He acts as if he is alone all the time, thinking only of himself.
I don't feel like putting the effort in to try to get him to change this behavior. It will just cause a lot of retaliation and chaos making on his part- you do not criticize his behavior, or all hell breaks loose. I don't think it's worth the trouble. I'm making plans to leave.
One small thing I'm proud of- I did NOT attend his mother's Passover this weekend. Historically, his mother or sister plan the details of every holiday- they get together and cook their menu. I am only told to be there and to help set the table and do dishes. They never even inform me of the time we are starting. My family sits around waiting on the day of the holiday until we are called. I kept complaining about it- that I am a forty year old mother, and I would like to create holiday experiences for my own family. I have offered several times to come help cook! So, this Passover, I was told at noon that we were supposed to arrive at 2pm. Not acceptable to me. I got our daughter ready, but stayed home. MIL was P*ssed. I don't care. I'm over her. They don't care how I feel on the holidays, so they get the same from me. I did a nice Easter for my kids Sunday.
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My DH likes Fakebook... A lot
My DH likes Fakebook... A lot... He'll send me videos and pictures ALL THE TIME. LMAO. I love him dearly! I don't get the fakebook thing. But I digress. Sometimes he'll sit there scrolling, but normally he can hold a conversation at the same time. My biggest thing is when I'm telling him this crazy thing and he's just like "mhmmm." Because sometimes I just want a response or for him to be mad (I'll take fake mad) with me. LOL
I do sometimes get buged if he'll start telling his mom something I haven't heard anything about... But for the most part our communication is fairly good. We worked through the worst and now I feel completely comfortable telling him everything, and he's opening up a lot better to me as well. Our biggest struggle is just him adjusting to having a partner instead of a soul-sucking leech... He got so used to closing off and doing everything himself, that having someone that cares and is there to help is something he's learning every day how to handle.
If he interupted me I might legitimately punch him... I don't solve everything with my fists, but that's definitley a pet peeve of mine. At least wait for me to finish the sentence, or pretend to be interested and then we'll talk about whatever it is you want to talk about.
I get it when you say you'll
I get it when you say you'll take fake mad....just fake some feedback so I don't feel like crap for trying to talk to you! Your DH sounds like a good guy, glad you get along so well!
He is a good guy, in fact one
He is a good guy, in fact one of my complaints is actually that he looks for the best in people, even when there isn't anything good there to find... And then they take advantage of him, it's maddening. LMAO. Plus it can make him a bit blind to the truth, it's like this denial thing going on. Took him clear until December to believe me when I said BM was on drugs and was neglecting the Skids before...
There's alwasy going to be some slip-ups, and we definitley have our disagreements... But once we worked through some things and got boundaries it helped a s*** ton.
Your DH just pisses me off... And your MIL. I'm genuinely not happy for you.
He was looking at his phone
He was looking at his phone during a counseling appointment? OMG. Does he do this at work, too?? Wow, just wow. And forgets about you and shuts the door in your face? Interrupts as if you were not talking?? I think the counselor needs to tell him to put away his freaking phone AND talk to him about his insensitive, self-absorbed, bloody RUDE behavior. Sheesh.
I don't blame you for not going to MILs for Easter. She expects people to jump when she says. Pfffft. Likely, she's miffed because you refuse to act like a trained dog. I can see where her son gets his rude behavior.
My DH is RARELY on his phone - even less so when we are together.
Yes, Aniki, he is on his
Yes, Aniki, he is on his phone at ALL times. When the counselor pointed it out, he just did what he does to me- repeated the last couple words of what she was saying to try to prove that he was listening while looking at his phone. Doesn't seem to register to him that whether or not he can repeat what was said, it is not considerate of the person who is talking. It's not the same as some eye contact with feedback.
Haha, trained dog is right! She gets mad when I sit down and says, "Why don't you go do, A B and C?" Finally have figured out that she will b*tch about me no matter what, so I'll just do what I want to do.
Witch, I cannot believe the
Witch, I cannot believe the counselor puts up with that. Crikey! She needs to shut that down.
Your MIL sounds like my b!tchsters-in-law, er, sisters-in-law. Doesn't matter what I do - it will be wrong. So I do as I please.
Stealing
bi!chster-in-law. It fits perfectly!
"Twice last week, as we were
"Twice last week, as we were walking into the house together, he shut the door in my face while I walked in behind him. He literally forgot I was with him, twice" ?? What in the hell is that about?
Do you say anything to him when he does this? Does he apologize? I'm sorry but I am happy to hear that you are making plans to leave. To accept that behavior is to accept that you are not worthy of him even remembering. Its heart breaking!
Every once in a while my SO will interupt me and I will stop talking and walk away. He will ask me over and over to finish what I was saying and I don't. This is not happen often but he knows I do not tolerate that since I would never do it to another person.
{{HUGS}} to you!
I think I've reached the
I think I've reached the point of indifference after having dealt with him for several years. He is not going to change and any time I call out his behavior, his focus is on bringing up something I did in the past that could be years earlier. "Now you know how I felt when you did (fill in the blank) back in 2009!" There is no point in discussion with him. Couples counseling ended months ago because I couldn't stand listening to him bs the therapist....
He did say, "sorry" one of the two times he slammed the door in my face because it actually hit me. I didn't even react.
I do the same thing you do- walk away when he interuppts and not finish. I feel weird finishing what I was saying knowing that he has no interest. I have explained to him that we like to have feedback, even if you have to fake it, there is a certain satisfaction that I am missing from not being able to speak my mind. It is not important to him, so he doesn't change it.
Gads, woman, remind me why
Gads, woman, remind me why you stay???
DH has been getting better.
DH has been getting better. He's constantly on his phone, tablet or computer (he has a tech job, always online). I have a few rules for him though. No devices at the table for whatever meal. No devices when we are talking. No devices when we are watching a movie at home - unless he doesn't like the movie. No devices when he's interacting with SDs. He's good when we aren't at home but he'll be on his phone in seconds when we get in the car and he's a passenger. I've not been able to fix this one yet, drives me crazy.
Can We Help You Pack, Hazel?
My DH is a deeply flawed man, but at least he's a gentleman. He opens doors, helps with my coat, walks next to the street on sidewalks, and brings me a cup of coffee in bed each morning. He may have some interpersonal issues, but he demonstrates that he values me.
As for your in-laws? They can go pleasure themselves with a cactus - sideways.
Mine sometimes
Is on his phone, but im bad too. He calls it fakebook also! I cant help it, i have family on there i send pics and videos to. But if he is talking i put it away. Im not completely rude.
Im on the end of my rope too. I just started therapy for myself. Im hoping it helps. Im just holding so much resentment....he has been doing this "comparing me to his friends wives", im sick of it- i dont compare him to other husbands! Him and his friend have been cutting wood as a hobby(we have a wood burning stove/friend has fire pit) well he was over there rollong logs, cutting wood, and he took pics of his friends wife- rolling logs- great exercise! Whatever lady... talking about me being in a flannel shirt helping out- eyeroll- a couple weeks ago he told me about a guy he works with the wife takes care of the books(i am not an accountant) sweet deal i take care of the part of buisness he hates- while i roll logs to him- cook amazing dinners- handle kids and their schedules- and annndd give him amazing sex all WEEK!!
What pisses me off the most is he has 3-4 pics of her in row- and its been awhile since he has taken a pic of me!! So yeah im bitter...