So, DW and BioDad have a joint custody arrangement that they agreed to before DW and I were married. In that agreement it clearly specifies that all costs are to be borne 50/50 between DW and BioDad , including child care, extracurricular activities, health insurance, etc. This worked out fine when SD was being taken care of by DW's mother. Then she went to preschool, and it was still ok since we paid on a weekly basis. DW and I paid every other week, BioDad paid the others. We never missed a payment, but we found out that BioDad missed several. He eventually paid, but got hit with a late fee. At least we paid different weeks, so we just concentrated on our own payments.

Then came elementary school, and aftercare last year. No longer could you pay weekly for aftercare. You had to pay for each month up front (due the first couple days of the month). We all work, so it was essential - Nana lives an hour away, so she can't watch SD anymore. The cost isn't huge, usually around $200 a month, split two ways that is only $100 each. The payment schedule is available at the aftercare office, online, and DW has emailed it to BioDad (and BCCd me) on it pretty much every month - last year and so far again this year. Last year DW felt like a bill collector. We kept track, and only 1 month last year did BioDad give us his portion of the payment on time. They were usually at least a week late, and even then, they'd be short (his half would be $93.50, he'd only give us $90). We had to make the payments because BioDad is unreliable and would forget or just not do it, and then SD would not have anywhere to go after school.

So, again this year this is a problem. School has been in session for 1.5 weeks, and he already says he can't pay September aftercare. We sent him the payment schedule at the beginning of August, when we got it (although he could get it himself if he wasn't so damn lazy). Payment is due tomorrow for this month. $90. DW calls him this morning to tell him she needs to get that from him and he tells her "Well, I won't be able to get you that until next week." DW went off on him. Told him she isn't going to be a bill collector anymore, that he needs to start budgeting his money properly and that we are no longer going to give him time to pay. Not only that, but DW tells him she's done paying for the entire amount of SD's extracurriculars (soccer, swimming lessons), that he will have to live up to his 50% requirement. He apparently got all pissed off and says to DW that "It shouldn't be a problem for you, you have two incomes! Do you not want me to pay for gas this week? Or groceries?" Now, BioDad is single and spends his money on video games, movies and taking scuba lessons. We know all this through SD - she has a new video game every week. He bought her an ipad and iphone to play with there too (she is 6)! So we know he would be fine if the idiot budgeted his money and gave up things.

But yeah, that line really pissed me off. I am not responsible for his daughter's financial security. I pay for her stuff because I love my wife and I care about her (I've known her since she was 3, she's now 6). I want her to have a good childhood and not miss out on things like her mom did when she was a kid. But I am not responsible for that stuff. The court did not take it into account, nor would they now, and neither should he. I told DW as much and she agreed. She was pretty pissed off at BioDad too. She is going to make clear to him that I have NO responsibility to Ava whatsoever. She also made clear to him that we have another child to take care of, school loans, a mortgage payment - stuff he does not have. So just because we have two incomes does not mean we are made of money. We have given up a lot of the things WE like (cable TV, me playing softball, pilates for the wife), because it costs money - money we'd rather spend on the kids and making sure they are comfortable. But all BioDad can think of is himself.

DW says she wants to get a child support modification. I doubt she'll be able to, since there has been no major change in status for either her or BioDad. Just bickering about money isn't enough for them to change it and force him to pay her on time. But we have run out of answers. She cannot keep playing bill collector with him, but we also have to have SD in after care. The only other option I guess is to tell BioDad he is paying for after care now, and we'll give him a check for 50%, but then when he forgets, we are potentially stuck with SD getting out at 2pm. I'm frustrated and furious at the same time. Seriously, I'd rather just spend MY money on my BS instead of SD, but I feel like then DW and I would have to completely separate our finances, something neither of us wants.