I don't think that sleeping arrangements alone do not make for a bad parent. There are many who do not co-sleep and really have sick relationships with their kids...we see it here all the time. At the same time, it could also be a sign of other issues, but again, those other issues I do not believe exist because of the co-sleeping, but because of other things.

My son's pediatrician once told me that his kids slept with them until THEY wanted to sleep on their own...and they slept with him and his wife until they were 7-8...Our kiddo has slept with us off and on for years and he is 10. Everyone who knows him says "he is so independent, he is so sure of himself, he is such a happy boy..." Go figure. So, again, I think it is up to the parents, but honestly, I do not see anything wrong with it, provided it is not by the choice of THE PARENTS, but rather by the CHOICE of the CHILD. If it is done because of the parent, then the parent is NOT allowing that child to grow and become independent...if the child still wants to sleep with their parents, then it's the CHILD who is not ready and will move out once he is ready. By the way, our son is 10 and in the last 4 years he has gone from sleeping for months in his bed, to sleeping in our bed a few days a week to back to wanting to sleep alone in his bed. We don't make him do ANYTHING.

PS - I would NEVER though feel ok about sleeping with someone else's child in my bed...that is just a way for someone to insinuate things that people with sick minds could believe. I do NOT believe divorced parents should sleep with their kids because of the same.

Ive read a lot on this, and how common it is for split parents to sleep with their kids. The parents are often allowing it because they dont want to be sleeping alone. Either way, I dont think its appropriate at any age, skid or bio, I dont want either in my bed.

Breaking this habit is tough and I never allowed it with my own after seeing how tough it was for my FDH to get the skid out of our bed, not that I was comfortable having a baby between us.

When I met DH, SD was 10 and she would sleep in his bed. Then I moved in and she was not happy because he made her sleep in her own bed but my DD was only 5 and she was scared so we would let her sleep on an air mattress on the floor. This only lasted for about 2 months, then we got the kids bunk beds and put them in the same room together.

When BD was born we never allowed her to sleep in our bed and the only time I let her is when she is sick and she LOVES it!!
Sometimes she pretends she is sick and begs to sleep with us!! We just don't all fit because my 2 pugs have to sleep in bed with us too We had to upgrade to a king size bed because of the dogs!!

Now DD10 and BD3 sleep together because they are both chickens and afraid to sleep alone. SD has her own room now.

My opinion is that kids shouldn't sleep with their parents after age 5, and that's occasionally. And that's even pushing it. It's not about good or bad, or what contitutes that, it's about teaching children independence and boundaries, something they (and parents) need to be healthy.

The major factor in any of these decisions is being a united front with your SO. If you're not together on how to deal with it, it will only cause friction and division between you, which in turn will cause resentment and pain that you don't deserve or need. So hopefully communicating this as well as you can so he realizes just how much this affects you and the children, too. Maybe he should consider a different counselor, or maybe you'd want to go together. However you do it, he needs to know this is how you feel and that there should be consequences for if he doesn't agree to parent with you and not above you. Regardless if you're the bio parent or not, if you're in the picture with his children, you are contributing to their raising and deserve a say.

As far as what age to move out? ASAP as far as I'm concerned. After making HUGE mistakes enabling my young adult s-kids and giving them way too many chances to come back home and get straightened out (which they'd never do--straighten out, that is), I realized that the sooner they learn problem solving and facing the consequnences of their actions rather than being rescued from them, the more chance they have at being productive members of society. I say 18, or after graduation--either college, the service, or working enough to pay their own way and live on their own or with friends. Living at home, unless it's a fatal crisis or some sort, is just not an option. But that's the point I'm at.

Best of luck!

Sorry - but after about three they need to sleep in their own room. Even then, it should only be a sporadic thing. Nightmares, illness, grief....This is just too wierd for me. No wonder why we are raising a generation of entitled children....We can't even tell them to sleep in their own room.