Cops called
DH was out of town. I came home one day early because I had a work meeting I need my notes at home because I was out of town too on a mini vacation. So I was working from home, and the skids were partying downstairs. 22 SS and 16 SD.
In the past, SD has physically attacked me, and I had to lock myself in the bedroom and call cops well DH tried to stop her from hitting him.
So that is why this time I called the nonemergency line.
The cops came to the house and told the SD, and her friend that I didn't know was here why are you not in school her friend said I'm sorry, please don't tell my mom I'm ditching the cops said it not a crime to ditch, but you do need to go to school.
The SS told the cops in the distance I wasn't selling weed to my sister and went inside. I told the police SS has no business hanging out with 16-year-olds downstairs partying with them.
SD yelled out loud no, it wasn't my brother trying to sell me or give me weed; it was my SM = me. I was shocked, and speechless I told the cops you can draw my blood right now I do not have and weed in my system or any drugs.
SD said this is the third time you called cops on me, and you're embarrassing me. I said I am sorry I am not trying to embrace you, but this isn't a ditch house. I am trying to work and you all are partying loudly in the background music and people laughing I was trying to do a conference call. SD said I don't care. Can I call my mom? I said yes once we are done here.
So the cop pulled out his handcuffs and said to me SS told me(cop) you(SM) of being a pervert and look at him and that you gave his sister(SD) weed. I said not true to both accusations. The cop said this is a warning to anyone if anyone gives a minor drug it a felony. I said okay, thank you two for coming out I did not feel safe going down there because I have been attacked physically by SD in the past.
DH called me on the phone, and he was yelling at me for calling cops on kids. DH asked me to leave so I did I moved everything out of the house. My family said I could stay with them until I get up on my feet. I told DH it not okay that your SS and SD accused me of being a pervert and selling and giving drugs to a minor. He was 100% on their side. Then he came to his senses and realized I was in the right, and now SS is moving out. DH is installing a camera in the whole house cause I told him I do not want to be falsely accused again and go to jail and any interaction I have with your kids I record moving forward. He said okay, and he told the skids if you make me lose SM = me, then I will sell everything and leave. DH said he not putting up with this anymore and that SM comes first. How dare they try to put me in jail. DH is so upset with his kids.
This is what DH told me: SD said that I shouldn't have called cops and that she would rather see SM = me go to jail than her brother. SS said that he was joking that he didn't mean to say those things to the cops. They were mad because when I left, there was no internet I took the box on accident.
I told DH wifi a luxury for them that I pay for.
DH thinks I overacted by calling the cops at first now he says we are not communist and have a camera everywhere invading kids' privacy. I said they brought this on themselves falsely accusing me, and I do not feel safe without camera here because I am not going to jail for your kids' lies, and if you can't back me, I will leave and divorce you. I told DH you need to be the dad and put your foot down and protect your wife.
What are your thoughts? What would you do?
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Comments
I would leave this asshole.
I would leave this asshole.
I would leave this asshole
I would leave this asshole too. He flip flops between supporting you and siding with SD and SS. That would not be acceptable to me under the circumstances you describe. The environment sounds chaotic and unsafe. I would go, for sure.
Seriously? Any sane person
Would have left yesterday, taking their internet box with them.
If you think this is anyway normal, please talk to a therapist because it is most definitely not.
I would feel
I would feel extremely fortunate that you have family who can offer you assistance. Until your DH can show you by concrete actions over time, not just words in the moment, that he has come to his senses and realizes what real danger his children put you in I would stay with your family. He needs to protect you and ensure that nothing like that ever happens again by bringing the fear of God into them permanently.
Those accusations of inappropriate actions toward your SS and providing drugs to a minor can ruin your life. Arrests on that type of charge shows up in the newspaper and on the local news in most areas. And when the charges are dropped there is merely a footnote if any mention at all. You are forever stained.
Many of us have situations where there are varying degrees of unhappiness. I personally am going through what can only extremely charitably be described as a "rough patch." But risking actual criminal charges on the false accusations of a skid is terrifying. Please do not let a camera in the house give you a false sense of security. If you are the one who installed it and know where it is, that a drug transaction or inappropriate sexual behavior does not appear on it means nothing.
I agree with hereiam and Kes
You left. Stay gone.
This wasn't the first time and it won't be the last. Those kids are gonna try to do something to hurt you and possibly their dad. Maybe not physically but they could vandalize your house or your car or compromise your job. They seem to have no morals.
And it doesn't matter that your DH is taking action now. He wasn't taking action before when other events happened and all along he hasn't parented his children to be responsible, respectful, kind people.
I would move out... his kids
I would move out... his kids are out of control. you are at risk of real problems. What if that pot dealing SS decides to place a large amount in your car.. or your closet? Dadddeee can show that he is committed to boundaries.. or you can stay gone.
Please don't go back. He
Please don't go back. He doesn't care about your well-being and you are going to end up in handcuffs because of his kids' lies. He's not trustworthy. Why would you consider going back, even with cameras? And why were his kids even there if he's not there?
Getting back with this guy is
Getting back with this guy is a mistake. His kids are out of control and the fact he initially sided with them speaks volumes of him. You’re doing yourself an enormous disservice by going back, this won’t be the end of the drama with his horrible, trashy children. This is a massive, massive mistake.
I would go back to staying
I would go back to staying with family, divorcing this excuse for a husband and getting back on my feet. Your H seems like a flag blowing in the breeze - he shifts with the wind and can't decide whether to back his kids or his wife. Whatever he's doing to support you now is temporary because he's afraid of losing you and/or the benefits you provide. The wind will shift, he'll revert to his old ways, and you'll be stuck with his loser kids making your life miserable and possibly ending you in jail or seriously injured. Get out now. Your H is a shitty parent and a shitty partner.
I don't normally recommend
I don't normally recommend divorce unless there is adultery, addiction or abuse... but in this case...good ness get out. Actually you are being abused by the skid. If you don't want to divorce, move out until skids are out on there own.
SD attacked you physically.
SD attacked you physically. SS accused you twice of inappropriate behavior. The cop warned you.
Why are you still there? You have a safe place to go. Go there. Stay there. You should not be alone with either of those kids ever again. Cameras are not enough to protect you.
^^This^^
.
Unless you want this to be your theme song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fXTn2gSG7es
RUNNN!!!
I would not choose to move
I would not choose to move back into a home where I did not feel I could make a reasonable request to other members of the household without having other people (the cops or your husband) there to keep me physically safe. I would not choose to continue to assosiate with people who are willing to tell bare faced lies to the authorities and accuse me of serious crimes that risk my freedom, reputation and livelyhood.
You deserve a peaceful home and to have honest, respectful people around you. Don't move back, make your plans and move on without your ex.
Agree 100%
I agree 100%! Thank you for your support and words of advice. I am back because my family has decided that they don't feel safe with me being at their house with this drama. So I will get myself out. I will pick myself up and leave as soon as possible. I am looking into rooms for rent getting my mail to go to a P.O. Box and already purchase a safe deposit box for important paperwork. Trying to find an animal shelter to take my dog to or maybe I will just keep it here and someone to manage my properties cause it used to be DH. So exhausted but must keep going.
Stay gone this will never get
Stay gone this will never get better. You've been attached by one of his kids, that should be enough to leave all this f@ckery behind and never look back.
Your DH did nothing when SD attacked you.
Your DH is the main problem. He is not parenting his kids. Instead of putting in cambers in the house, he should be throwing the kids out. This will never end because DH is weak.
Time to move out before you get yourself in jail, with large lawer bills. And DH taking his kids side once again.