Another Woman
My fiancé received a text message from a number every month or so on certain days, like fathers day, Easter, valentines day, st patty, etc. He also got one inviting him to a couple of events at a bar. He didn't know who was person texting and he never text back to ask. It didn't bother me because when we first met we agreed to delete all the past bf or gf or people of that nature. Also, the text messages were so random and only on those days that it wasn't a big deal. However, yesterday he gets a text from the same number and it says "hi it's Brenda. Maybe you lost my number but I finally bought that house. Need your help. Call me" I asked him him who this was and at first he hesitated, but after 5 questions and him growing increasingly more uncomfortable he told me he went to her house to help her with something, took her out to dinner once and a few month later after not seeing her since the dinner she called him again cause she needed something fixed at her house. He went over fixed what he needed to fix had some beers and had sex with her. This was 2 years before me so I'm not upset at all, but I thought to myself why is she still texting you? Why is she asking you to fix something at her house, doesn't she have the yellowpages? Especially after sec and no more contact by you for 2 years why would she think you would interested in fixing anything! I have phone records. I know he doesn't call or text her. Anyway, he texted her back (I asked him to) he said that he was engaged and please stop texting him. She texted back that she had a boyfriend and it wasn't a social call, instead wanted to know if he was interested in making some extra money. Then she said forget it. Did we over react? My fiancé sister called him pissed (guess this is one of her friends) telling him he needs to call her and apologize. I said, WTF?!?! Apologize for what? Now I feel bad.
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You didn't over react. They
You didn't over react. They have a past. I think the return comment on her part was some immature way of helping the salt of her wounds.
I don't think that's an
I don't think that's an overreaction - it's a woman he briefly dated and had sex with a few years back. Unless he was her go-to household task help guy for a much longer period of time, it's strange to look to him for help out of the blue now. Is he really the only person she could have called to help her? I wouldn't call an ex/hook-up from 2+ years ago for something like that, and I especially wouldn't do it without expecting him to interpret that I wanted something social out of it. Maybe she lied about the boyfriend and got defensive out of feeling rejected/embarrassed. -shrug- Either way, if she's making that big of a deal about it to his sister, she's being dramatic and I don't think your FH did anything wrong by asking her to stop texting. She's an ex/former hook-up, he's engaged, she can find someone else to help her with tasks and party at the bar. She'll get over it.
Hmmm, interesting points, but
Hmmm, interesting points, but fiancé doesn't know I check phone records and as I said before (you may have missed it) we both deleted contacts from our phones that were of past relationships, hookup, etc. So he didn't know who the number belonged to until she texted her name yesterday. He is not the kind of man that is dicitful. I will agree that maybe there is more to the story but honestly it was two years ago and I don't need all the details. I think she is still trying to pursue. And to be honest, if he talked to her a few days before we met it wouldn't bother me, because everyone has a past. I don't think he was being upfront because he was uncomfortable sharing the facts, but I don't feel there is anything going on at the present. In fact, I'm positive. Though I do always think it's possible with anyone.
DON'T feel bad. You have a
DON'T feel bad. You have a right to know what's going on- more than his sister does, in my opinion. When it comes to her "friend" she can talk all she wants, but when it's between you and your man, she needs to let it be that way.
If this were me, I'd have to make a decision. At some point, if you have no evidence of what really has gone down since you've been with him, you have to choose whether or not to believe what he tells you. I'm not in a position to tell you what I think is going on with that woman- I have no idea.
You may have a different past with him and not believe him for whatever reason. But I think eventually you have to take him at his word (or not).
Well, I do believe him and
Well, I do believe him and don't feel he is cheating or having any kind of emotional affair with this or any other woman. But I will keep my eye it since in my experience no one can be trusted.
Thanks for the positive
Thanks for the positive comments (disregarding the less positive more bitter ones). I believe Brenda does not have a boyfriend and was very much interested in rekindling the one nighter! Afterall, why text this man (my man) every month. He never replied! I have the phone bills. He wouldn't use another phone he just isn't like that. His sister, whole other issue I guess. I haven't met her she lives out if state. I'm sure she already has an opinion of me because of this but I don't care. She would I hope see my side and his side of this. Afterall, what woman wants another woman which your man slept with (once twice or more doesn't matter) contacting him every month and then after sonmany months with no reply needs something "fixed at her house"!!! Yeah we all want that in ourlives!!! If I had a friend like that I would tell her to stop stalking my brother and get the fuck over it! Move on loser! Anyway, I have stopped feeling bad, but my fiancé said that maybe we overacted and we should have texted her back something different! This was his comment after his conversation with his sister. I asked him what he was going to do, call Brenda and apologize for the text?!? He said no, but he didn't want his sister to be mad at him. Ugh!!!! What does that mean?!!!!! Most of the times I wish he would grow a spine to go with his god given balls!!!! He let's all the women in his life (sisters, bm...daughters) push him around. Bending to their every request or demands! It's like he doesn't have an identity of his own!!!
Honestly, this shouldn't be this big of a deal. With family involved and me & fiancé discusses this all day!! She was a one nighter people! Don't give her anymore clout than what she is!
I agree that you made the
I agree that you made the right choice. If you and your fiance felt it was the right choice then don't worry about it anymore. I wouldn't take whatever his sister said personally, she's simply not looking at the situation from any other angle...I've learned that you can't expect everyone to do that!
This would be a whole other ballgame if your fiance had picked a fight over it and if he thought it was wrong to be handled that way, but it sounds to me like he's a good guy. He can't help that she texted him, and he took your suggestion and wrote her back with no fuss. He obviously didn't even have her number in his phone...and if he had been using alternative ways to stay in touch with her, she wouldn't have said, "This is Brenda" because he would have already known.
Don't stress anymore over someone you don't even know and who will hopefully stay out of your hair now. However, I HATE women like that who do stupid, stupid things like that. She has a boyfriend as well, yet she is completely idiotic to reconnect with a past fling even if it is for an innocent home repair. REALLY stupid.
Sorry I just read your last
Sorry I just read your last comment and saw that since talking to his sister he was worried. Just tell him that if he's truly unhappy with how he handled it, he could text her back...but to realize that it makes him LOOK like you forced him to text that to begin with and might give her false hope to keep contacting him. If he's easily guilted this could turn in to him actually ending up going to her house to fix whatever it is...which obviously will just get very messy. But I say if you trust him to make the right choice, leave it up to him. Let him know that his sister will forget it soon enough and it's not as big of a deal as she's making it. He handled it appropriately...when you are engaged/married, you don't let a past fling be a part of your new relationship on any level.
Steppingup I (we) agree! His
Steppingup I (we) agree! His sister guilted him and he was feeling bad, but he knows enough to leave it alone. However, read my other blog Another Woman (updated) you will get a kick of what happened next with this Brenda pathetic woman!