Update from yesterday on what BM is up to
OK, so after my husband sent BM the email advising her to send a letter (or email) saying whatever it is that she has to say, BM sent an email back. It went something like this:
NO...what I have to say to you has to be said on the phone. It doesn't have to be this week, but the sooner the better. When you hear what I have to say, you'll see why.
What do you make of this? I think it's just her way of looking for more attention & if she talks to him on the phone, she's going to just threaten him more. My husband thinks she's going to drop a bomb on him...and the only thing he can think of is that she's going to tell him that SD8 might not be his child. (Which we're FINALLY going to find out for sure by getting a paternity test. My husband doesn't want to do it because it's going to kill him if SD8 isn't his after all these years, but he has to know.)
Whatever she has up her sleeve, my husband is not going to discuss anything on the phone. If whatever she has to say is valid, she can write it in a letter or email. Otherwise, it's probably a threat, a lie or something she did wrong but doesn't want to admit to in writing (such as lying about paternity).
The fun just never stops! This is all just so expected of BM. She has to have the ball in her court, has to hold something over my husband. This is why we need to just ignore this...BM wants to get a rise out of us, make us wonder what she's up to, hang on her every word/move, etc. It's pathetic & I won't let her get away with it.
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It is pathetic.
She has to be all dramatic about it to........."when you find out you'll see why".......ohhhhhhhhhhhhh
Whatever. Tell her to stick a fork in it because you guys are not talking to her on the phone due to her history. WHATEVER she has to say she can put in writing. If she won't then you know you are 100% right, it was threat, lie, etc. Nothing that you and your DH needed to hear anyways.
~all you need is Faith, Trust, and a little bit of Pixie Dust...and sometimes a machine gun~
Squeegie~
Just be careful with the paternity test. Even if it shows that the kid isn't his, if he is on the birth certificate, he is legally her father and would be responsible for CS and such. And as much as it would answer questions for both of you, it would put that little girls life in a tailspin.
I fight with myself over the same issue everyday. I am 80% sure YSD is NOT DH's kid. I've talked to SIL about it, and she agrees with me, and apparently everyone in the family talks about it behind DH's back. Maybe we are all wrong, but at this point, 13 years later, what does it matter? That is her daddy, no matter what a test would say. A test would do nothing for us but cause more heartache for that kid.
As for the other stuff, you DH is right to stay put about not bending to BM's demands. Good for him! I find that any communication is better off written, so they can't deny it later.
Life, that's not true here in GA.
"Just be careful with the paternity test. Even if it shows that the kid isn't his, if he is on the birth certificate, he is legally her father and would be responsible for CS and such"
When I went for a modification they gave my x the choice if he wanted a paternity test or not. They said that even though we were married, and he was on the BC, and he has never sought paternity testing that if he wanted to now he could and if not the father he wouldn't be responsible and I would be responsible to pay him CS back for the years that he's paid me.
IMO, that's how it should be. Unless agreed upon by the parties to be handled a different way.
My x opted to not do the testing, he knows BS is his....but I thought it was odd that it was even offered.
~all you need is Faith, Trust, and a little bit of Pixie Dust...and sometimes a machine gun~
Here's an article from
Here's an article from GA:
ADEL, Ga. – A Georgia man spent more than a year behind bars for failing to pay child support for a child that wasn't his, but he was released after DNA tests showed he wasn't the father.
Frank Hatley, 50, had been jailed since June 2008 for not making payments, but two separate DNA tests in the last nine years showed he was not the father of the boy, who is now 21.
Southern Center for Human Rights attorney Sarah Geraghty won Hatley's release at a hearing Wednesday in Superior Court. A court order has also relieved him of his financial obligation to the Georgia Department of Human Resources.
"State child support officials have shown extraordinarily poor judgment in Mr. Hatley's case," Geraghty said.
Although Hatley was freed from making future payments after a 2001 hearing, Superior Court Judge Dan Perkins had ordered him to continue making $16,000 in back payments. He paid $6,000 of that before being laid off from his job.
Perkins ordered Hatley's immediate release Wednesday after determining that he was indigent. Although he was released, Hatley's paternity case is still unresolved. No future hearings are scheduled.
"Out of it all, I just feel like justice should be served for me in this case," Hatley told The Atlanta Journal-Constitution shortly after his release. "I shouldn't have to keep being punished for a child that is not mine."
Hatley had a relationship with Essie Lee Morrison, who had a baby in 1987 and told Hatley the child was his, according to court records. The couple never married and split up shortly afterward.
In 1989, Morrison applied for public assistance through the state Department of Human Resources. Hatley agreed to reimburse the state because he believed the boy was his.
Documents show Hatley paid at least $9,500.
But in 2000, DNA samples showed the two were not related, according to court records. A test earlier this month confirmed that.
As of right now, they are not reimbursing this guys money for what he DID pay, just not making him pay for the back-owed amount. I think it's BS that a woman can just claim some guy as the father and they become responsible. I think paternity testing should be done in all CS hearings.
I remember this and I totally agree with what you said!
Dh and I were livid at the thought that this man was in Jail for not paying CS on a kid that wasn't his!
You should have seen our faces when the child support enforcement office lady asked if x was going for a paternity test and gave us all the info that I listed. I couldn't beleive it! But that is honestly what we and he were told.
But again, I think that's how it should be. If you are not the father and it's proven later on then no matter if you were on the BC or not, BM should have to pay the father every red cent back and she should be jailed ~unless she didn't know!
Then again, how could you prove if she knew or not right?
~all you need is Faith, Trust, and a little bit of Pixie Dust...and sometimes a machine gun~
Don't budge
Tell DH to stand his ground and maintain "radio silence". By denying her requested "forum" on the phone, he's taking control of the situation and taking the power away from her. Good for him!
Exactly!!!!!
It's just stupid drama. If she can't tell him in writing, then she doesn't need to tell him. If it is something major like this, once he emails him to tell him, he could always agree to have a followup meeting with her in person and say, "But I'm bringing a tape recorder and recording our entire conversation." I'm sure she won't wanna do that.
It is ALLLL about control.
BB
- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)
you guys are right
It's all about control. BM has to pull a stunt like this in order to have my husband's full attention & regain the control that she's losing.
She has lied to us so many times. She has threatened my husband multiple times (most in writing!), often coming up with something new she thinks she can pull to scare him. It's always something.
My husband has filed the paperwork with the court & we're going to court whether she likes it or not. For someone who threatened us with court so much, you'd think she'd be happy! Honestly, the worst thing BM can do is win full custody & then we'll have to pay child support. We're half-expecting this anyway. Big whoop-de-doo! We just want the judge to decide what's what since BM is impossible to work with. I know it'll never "be over", but at least once we know where we stand, we can make plans & figure things out. It stinks being at BM's mercy. She is not in control!