My life would not be better without him! I love my ss6 as he was my own! I can do without the bratty attitude and the disrespect! I am not able to have anymore children, mine are 13 and 17 so to me this is a 2nd chance for me to do the things I wasn't able to do cuz I was a single mom with limited income.
I have no regrets taking on a single dad with full custody of a mom less little boy

I abhor the times when SK only talks to DH as if he were the only person in the house and my son and I are merely ghosts. He insists that DH sleeps beside him at night and he gladly gives in to his demands.

I ignore him most of the time although he's polite and doesn't really cause us any trouble. But sometimes he has the tendency of being selfish and doesn't really regard my son as his brother.

I hate the fact the DH cannot even take a leave or go on a vacation because of SK!

What a terrible thing to say about anyone especially about a child" I wish he would never be born..." How selfish, i can't believe guys you are saying that...What if someone would say something like this about your BK, your presious innocent little onE? Who you are to say that, you are just a woman who found a man and you want to own him - is that what you call love? And why you deprive his hild to be part of him? I can not understand this type of thinking - sorry. a child and his father are blood related, if you don't like it - leave them in piece along, go away, you can not do it without hurting everyone, yourself, you spouse and the child.

blended families are such unnatural thing, goes against all laws of phychology, but not against laws of the Universe though.
It is all about CONTROL i think, and about learning how to give up this control. It is like a reality check who we are as mature grown up individuals.
We blame children for one thing that they live. How it's possible to expect from little confused hearts something we adults can't do: to be perfect human beings so we can tolerate them better?

I don't think about if my life would be better or worse without SS15, I am in it, and I am trying to make it work. By saying "make it work" I mean to stay balanced person to be able to keep normal atmosphere in our household. We have our ups and downs, and BM plays her role here; and I am doing my part finding my own happiness in spite of the circumstances.

And there are so many ways to answer...so many layers.

I am not trying to be cruel, in answering your query, but yes...my life would be better without having my SD in my life. Now, that DOES NOT mean I wish she wasn't born or something like that. I am glad she was because, really, I have no way of knowing if she will grow into someone who will leave the world a better place than how she found it. Ya know?

Also, I didn't believe things with SD had to be bad, had to get bad, and stay bad. In my case? Things stayed flat-out AWFUL. I can't say it will be the same for everyone, though, because I have 2 bio-sons who LOVE my DH (even though he isn't their real dad).

My things was always, "Hey boys, I know "DH" isn't your REAL dad...but he REALLY loves you. Treat him how you'd like another woman's kids to treat your dad."
Next thing I'd say (pretty consistently) was, "Loving "DH" like you do your dad might be impossible, but loving him at all ISN'T impossible."

Things worked out OK with my boys and DH, and thank G*d...they adore their dad. Unfortunately, my ex hasn't re-married...I feel sure that the woman he would have chosen after me would have been lovely to my boys and to him. But who knows what could have happened with that situation? I could be really, really wrong.

In any case, I don't think it HAS to be bad. And I love your belief that things can be good. Hope can do wonders, ya know?
Your hope may not ever change the BM, but maybe it'll stick inside your step-kids head...and far outweigh what the BM can do inside the kiddos' heads. Heh.

I hope it happens that way for you and many others. It didn't for me, but hey...what can you do?

BECAUSE of my skids......now, It has also become more complicated and much harder.....but sooooo much better....I have found that life is totally not about me, but about some children who were born by a woman and then were basically neglected, abused and eventually abandoned by her. My life would be better without the BM, but not the skids...I look at them and I don't see my BM, yea, they look like her a little, but I see my DH that I adore....they are little extensions of him and I absolutely love that they are in my life 24/7.....now...it doesn't mean that I don't have problems with them.....my life is just like any other woman's life who has teenagers....its not easy...but they are kids.....whether they are yur own or yur skids, they are kids!!.....anyway...I thank God every night for where I am because I truly needed to learn not to be so selfish......and I needed to learn unconditional love....life just seems so much better with my skids....I learned that I would lay my life down to protect them....I never felt that before for anyone

"You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar"

I don't hate my skids, either, and they are 15 and 16. I don't think it's inevitable that your skids will become resentful. I think that many or most of the people on here may feel like their lives would be better without the skids, but my personal belief is that it's not really the skids who are the problem, it's the way the SOs in our lives fail to parent their kids well and/or the way they don't establish appropriate boundaries with their exes.

To answer the question in a superficial way: well, on paper, yes, there might be a few things in my life that would be better without the skids. We'd have TONS more money. We would never have to deal with the ex-wife again -- that's the big one. (God, would our lives be easier if that were the case.) We'd have more freedom.

But. In my case, my skids are my only kids. I don't have any of my own biokids. And I must say, I have really come to value our family. Last weekend, I was volunteering with my husband and one of my stepdaughters. Someone asked me, "Is that your daughter?" I answered "stepdaughter," to be truthful -- but only because my SD was there and I didn't want her to think I was trying to erase her mom. Secretly, I really liked the idea that someone would assume she was mine.

I have to say, the main reason I feel this way is probably because my DH listened to me early on when I talked to him about guilt parenting and about the fact that his ex-wife still seemed to think he was married to her. I told him that he needed to decide whether he was still married to her. If so, then I wished him the best, but I would be moving on. He heard me, and despite huge resistance from the BM, he realized that his family consisted of me and his daughters -- no one else. That has made all the difference in the world.

BB

- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)

Well, I don't think my life would be much different, except I wouldn't be paying some crazy ex-wife to help support her own child. But if all the crap that happened in DHs past never happened, I might not have ever met him. So I think its a toss up for me, SS isn't a huge part of my life...they are merely a blimp on my radar.

"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"

Since I have not walked shoes afterward life w/DH and w/o sks - I don't how I would feel.

I could live w/o BM drama queen though and that would be a plus to our relationship. Since Dh has listened to my side of how Bm, his, my role should be....He has been open minded and supportive to holding Psycho Ex more accountable a parent

But, I do know it was really rough and heartwrenching in the beginning. Since then I have stuck it out and made it work - life is much better. Everyone has learned to adapt through a lot of hard work and compromise. All of the hard has began to pay off.

because to me it's not just black and white.

One part of me would say, yes, my life would be better without Blabb. Because without Blabb, DH and Warthog wouldn't have that one connection that will keep them in each other's lives until they die. Without Blabb, I wouldn't have to watch DH fork over practically his whole check so that Warthog can spend it on a brand new tv and not a gift for her own daughter on her birthday. Without Blabb, I wouldn't feel second rate to Blabb and Warthog. Without Blabb, I wouldn't have BM in my life PERIOD, and to me... that is the greatest thing of all. Call it cruel, but my life would indeed be better.

But on the flip side, having Blabb has made me a stronger and wiser woman. I've learned to listen to all of the BS that spews out of Warthog's mouth and just walk away. I've learned to understand that there are things that are truly out of my control.. and I must accept that. I've learned to laugh at Warthog's crap... and not let it get under my skin. All in all... I've learned a great deal of patience. Patience with both DH and Blabb. Granted, I could have learned this all eventually in life... but Blabb has certainly sped up the process. Blabb has also given me a chance to relive my childhood. I can't tell you how much I enjoy going out to play volleyball... or to paint a box... or to paint nails... or to make necklaces or to cook breakfast while dad is sleeping. I can't tell you how amazing it is to teach Blabb an interesting fact, and then weeks later, hear her say it out of no where. Like one night Blabb and I were laying out under the stars, and I told her how a lot of these stars don't even exist anymore. Those stars are so far away that even though the star itself died, the light is still traveling to the earth... and we can still see it. It's like looking into the past. About a month or two passed, and she said that same thing almost word for word, and I was excited to know that she remembered such an amazing thing.

Of course, Blabb is a product of horrible parenting, but I have learned to make the most of what I have. I have learned to twist a bad situation into something positive... to try to influence Blabb to the best of my ability... and accept the chance that my influence might not be a lasting one on her (thanks to her awful mother).

Blabb has definitely been a thorn in my ass... and my life would definitely be better without her. But I wouldn't have grown so much in the past year and a half if we didn't have her in our lives.

If you asked me this question a couple of months ago, I would probably tell you straight up, "Yes. My life would be ten times better without Blabb around"... but after I have seen that there IS hope... even the slightest hope, I can't really say for sure.

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss

My skids and I get along great and always have. The circumstances from which I met their father was kosher. I wasn't the reason the divorce happened. The girls were babies when I got involved. They have grown up with me. They call me mom. Step families are not always nightmares despite what some may say. Not all kids from divorces are doomed to empty unsatisfied lives either. Hog wash.

I think when skids are a problem it is almost always an ADULT influence causing the stress. Either the dad won't discipline, the step mom is overly anal or the bio mom is poisoning the kids minds. In almost every case were a step child is labeled a pain you can trace the behavior right back to an adult.

If all adults have REASONABLE expectations and are acting like ADULTS the blended family situation tends to go alot smoother. By reasonable I mean everyone needs to know what they are getting into BEFORE signing on. So many complain about Child Support and other "givens" that come with the territory. Unfortunatly this rarely happens so the majority of step families do wind up having problems and a rather large precentage wind up in divorce. It's really sad.

Having a baby does not make you a mother.

But ...... not having to deal with the toothless SpermClan drama would be awesome. Not having to put our kid on a plane three times a year knowing that we are in for weeks of Detox time when he comes home would be great. Not having to argue with him every time we do something for him (clothes shopping, class ring, cell phone, computer, car, etc....) because he feels guilty when the Sperms harp on him on how spoiled he is, how he does not need expensive things (we are not talking high end here, we are talking stuff from the mid range mall), how it is not fair that he has nice stuff and his three out-of-wedlock half sibs, BioDad and the rest of the SpermClan don't, etc.....

Life without the SpermClan would be pure bliss. Life without my Son (SS) would be far less full and would be missing much joy.

Nope, I will keep him and all of the SpermClan drama that comes with him.

Best regards,

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)