Where do I begin? I have been with my partner going on 9 years. Of those 9 we have been married 47 days. Our relationship is perfect until it comes to dealing with the kids mother. I have 3 kids from a previous marriage, he has 2 from his previous relationship.
From day one, his children have been the focus of deliberation. (boy/16 girl/9)
In the beginning of our relationship she wouldn't let him see the kids. After numerous runs to court we got visitation with weekend sleepovers every other week. During the course of the 9 years it's been one thing after another. He pays a good deal of child support, yet the kids never have clothes, school supplies, shoes, coats. She'd send them to our house with clothes too small or shabby so that we'd be forced to buy them new stuff. We would, but would leave it at our house. Slowly things have gotten better. She doesn't harass as often as she used to but every chance she gets she throws a curve ball that sends us reeling. The older boy, after being put thru such a rollercoaster of the back and forth and the moms erratic behavior he rebelled against his mom and has been living with us since last year. We have legal custody of him now. He's a good kid and we're happy to have him.
In June when we were getting married, my stepdaughter was supposed to be our flower girl and my stepson was the Jr Best Man. She purchased plane tickets to go on vacation with her kids precisely the weekend of our wedding. Completely intentional. The boy, because he's older said "absolutely not, I will not miss my dads wedding." The girl however, who is the spitting image of her mom both physically and personality wise was happier than a pig in shit to travel and could care less about being the flower girl.
Later when looking thru the photos, the girl simply said " I wish I was there." Oh well too bad go thank your mother.
This weekend is my stepdaughters 9th birthday. It is the FIRST time in 9 years that we have actually had her on her birthday. Every other time that her birthday has landed on our weekend the mom doesn't give her to us because she already has plans. In all my excitement I decided to plan a European Style Tea Party as her 9th Bday party. I am the mother of 3 boys and she is the only girl so I was thrilled to have the opportunity to do this for her. I purchased everything, lace gloves, strands of pearls, big floppy hats with flowers and ribbons, pink feather boas. I strung crystals from iron candelabras to set up underneath a white canopy where I intend to set the girls up. Invites are out, RSVP's are in. Yesterday my husband tells me that the mother has an emergency and that she has to leave to Florida to visit a dying relative and that she wants to spend the weekend with her kids before she goes.
She said that he could pick her up the day of the party. We had an entire weekend planned. Friday he was going to the stadium to watch a football game with his son and I had already arranged a playdate for his daughter at our friends house they were to spend the evening at the pool.
Here's my problem. Every time we plan anything with the kids, she puts a wrench in it and he just takes it. I buy circus tickets, she won't give us the kids. I plan movie night, she needs to be with the children. I plan a trip she won't give us the passports. He takes it. Over and over and over. We live 40 miles away from this woman but she makes him drive back and forth like if we lived around the corner. So he'd have to pick the daughter up in the morning and take her back a few hours later if we want to have the Tea Party. It's as if it's ok for us to throw the baby a party as long as it's on her terms and it's around HER schedule. He says that he does it for the kids. I'm not sure if that's entirely the case. I think he prefers to avoid drama with her, but in essence than he has drama with me. I'm unsure of how to handle this situation anymore. I've been navigating it for 9 years but lately it's really getting under my skin and I'm not sure what to do about it.
The daughter is brainwashed by the mom and although she loves and respects me, she plays her dad like a fiddle. She is constantly coached by the mother and since it's his baby girl asking, he does whatever she asks.
Oh...I forgot to mention that the mother and I have NO relationship whatsoever. We are not allowed to attend any functions such as graduations, First Communions or anything because she doesn't invite him. He will not go without me so she just flat out won't allow him to attend. If he calls, she won't let his daughter answer the phone. She is a real nutjob and I'm just about fed up. I love my husband dearly. But the baby momma drama is tearing us apart and I don't know what to do anymore.