Update on watching SS9 after school...AND NANNA!!
I am the devil for having dreaded this at all. He has been perfect. He says "thank you" when I pick him up at the bus stop. He talks with me briefly about his day, then digs in on his homework, and asks permission for everything. "Can I change the channel?" I haven't even HAD to lay down my crazy list of rules on him. I feel stupid, petty, and RELIEVED!!! Maybe this CAN work out....Maybe I will even, dare I say, start to LOVE him??? I hope this isn't just a "honeymoon" phase where DH has scared him into being perfect for me, but I've said before, he really is a good kid.
Usually when he is bad, he doesn't really even understand that he is being bad b/c at BMs there is no bed time, no making his bed, no NOTHING!! No one asks to see his homework. By comparison, doing ANYTHING makes us look like real "nags" sometimes. So, he is simply not used to any of it, as we only have him every other weekend. And even then, I think most of you will agree, when you are still a pretty young kid, home is where your Mommy is, even if it's not the best place, it is all he knows....except for NANNA!! (You gotta put NANNA in all caps. You just have to).
And BM VERY OFTEN drops SS9 off at NANNAs house. THAT is where any truly BAD BEHAVIOR comes from. They allow him to be very disrespectful, I can't even recognize him when I watch him with his grandparents. It startles me, and I wonder if that is who SS9 REALLY is?! And life is a mild version of Disneyland over there. They have plenty of money and he is their only grandchild. NANNA thinks SS9 is her son. During his first football practice a couple of years ago, he was a little weepy (He was like 6 years old at the time) because he was nervous, and NANNA went and scooped him up off the field and said you are NOT DOING THIS TO MY PRECIOUS BOY!!!!!!! That REALLY got SS9 riled up and he was bawling after she made this huge fiasco. The child didn't even get hurt. AT ALL. He was just NERVOUS, and she said we were heartless for trying to make him do it, when SS was doing it b/c he told us he WANTED TO!! He was at that age when you are putting your feelers out trying to see what interests the kid. Baseball, no. Football, no. Karate, yes.
And needless to say, from that moment on, NANNA has been DHs arch enemy. NANNA got rid of her spare bed at her house, and SS9, who is in 4th grade, sleeps in the bed with NANNA. (Did I mention she HAS MONEY so it's not like financial times forced them to get rid of the bed) EVERY NIGHT. He sleeps in his own bed at BMs and DHs. NANNA is a bigger problem than BM for us. The problem with BM is that she is so lazy, that she is constantly dropping her child off with NANNA. NANNA has him on our off weekends, and a couple of day in the week. So she has him MORE THAN WE DO. We went to a lawyer over this, and long story short, there was really nothing we can do, especially b/c the outcome was doubtful and money was HIGH!
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Laura!!
Yay!! I'm so happy to hear that things are going great- for now!! Like you said, this could be a honeymoon phase, but it also could be the rule and not the exception. I hope it continues!
I feel like you are already ahead of the game if he is polite enough to ask to turn the channels, etc.
I hope you don't worry about being a "nag" and having rules. I firmly believe that children, even though they "hate" it, need and want the discipline. It's like showing you care.
As far as Nanna goes - UGH!! That poor kid. But I'm wondering if eventually, he'll grow up and come to resent Nanna's intrusion in his life and trying to keep him as a little boy? Not sure.... it could go either way.
In any event, the child sounds like he is either with you, or with Nanna... so you guys still have a shot!!
I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you!!
Thanks Stick!!!!!! My
Thanks Stick!!!!!!
My biggest hope is that he WILL grow to resent NANNA's intrusion.
Here is a little TMI, especially since my blogger name is pretty stupidly NOT anonymous, but it's true, and I would say it to BMs face....
When BM was accidentally knocked up my DH about 10 years ago with SS9, she wanted an abortion. NANNA wanted the abortion most of all. DH doesn't believe in abortion and fought for this kid tooth and nail. DH had known BM for 2 weeks, and he was young, and he tried to do the right thing, and even married her. All for SS9. This HO (and I say ho b/c the chick has slept with everyone in town) is SO LUCKY to have gotten knocked up by someone like DH.
Now, here we are, ofen dejected. The "least favorites" if you will. I wish SS9 could understand the LOVE my DH has for him, even if he isn't the type of man who verbalizes love as well or as obviously as a woman. And children generally understand the obvious "woman-type" love better. Does that make sense?
I would NEVER/EVER tell SS that mom/NANNA didn't want him. But just knowing it......Knowing that SS9 REALLY wouldn't exist if my DH hadn't fought so had....I mean, he basically owes his life to DH. And DH is NOT who he wants to be with.
Laura, what about 'First Right of Refusal'?
This was something that was added to my custody agreement... The other parent has 'first right of refusal' which means if my child cannot be in my care, I must offer BioDad the option of caring for him. I am not allowed to obtain alternate child care without first giving him the option of taking him.
It seems this option is very favorable in judges eyes, especially for the non-custodial parent as it allows the child more time with them. Maybe this is is something you can just petition the court for without an attorney.
This does have it's pros and cons but it would prohibit the BM from dropping your skid off at NANNA's whenever she wants and hopefully minimizing the damage this women is doing to the child.
Good luck!
That is great
Was very worried it wouldn't work out. So glad to hear that you had a happy ending
"Evil Stepmothers aren't born, it comes with the territory"