Just a little irritated.....
I am just slightly irritated with my ex-h right now. We have joint custody of our two children, BD6 and BS5, but they were living with him and I would take visitation every weekend. He was having issues with BS5 so he asked for me to take BS5 and BD6 would stay with him. He would take visitation of BS5 EOW and I would continue to take BD6 every weekend. This started at the end of May. Since this has started Ex-H has taken visitation of BS5 maybe three weekends. That's it. I have had both children for the last two months. BD6 finally went back to her dad's house last week and now we have her for the weekend again. Ex-H has yet again said he can't take BS5 for the weekend. Then he had the nerve to get mad tonight because my DH was a couple of hours late picking BD6 up for our visitation. I had told him last night that one of us would be there to pick up daughter around 5 or 6pm today. Plans changed, I called Ex-H this afternoon and told him that DH would be there around 8pm on his way back from picking up SD5. We thought we would be picking up BD6 from her SM because my Ex-H was out of town, which was also why he wouldn't be taking BS5 for the weekend. Come to find out, he came back in town today but still can't take BS5 because he will be busy all weekend. He is going to pick BS5 up for a couple of hours Sunday and take him to the park when he comes to pick up BS5. I feel so sorry for my son. I don't know how many more times I can here him ask why BD6 gets to go to their daddy's house and BS5 doesn't. It really is heartbreaking.
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its a shame
he feels he can/should pawn off his son like that. You said he was "having issues" with him. So he gets rid of him? What does that show the kids? That's no better than my SD19 parent-hopping when she gets in trouble. Its worse, actually b/c your eXH is an adult and should know better.
Sorry he's roped you into his avoidance behavior. Good luck.
How does the ex explain this?
I feel bad for your little guy too. Can you talk to ex and does he understand what you are saying? What does he say?
_________________________________________________________
Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale
Her infinite variety.
William Shakespeare, "Antony and Cleopatra", Act 2 scene 2Tattooed Mommy
I'm sorry to hear about that. It definitely must be heartbreaking for your son.
Since you have had both kids for a while now, do you ever think that you would consider having both of them full time?
I hate to sound cliche, but for whatever reason, your son may need counseling. I'm worried because of the emotional damage your ex is doing to him. By taking the daughter and not the son, as you already know, he's sending and reinforcing a message.
It's surprising too, that your ex takes the girl and not the boy. You would think he'd be able to relate better to the boy, and do more things with him. But yet, he's taking the girl. Is she easier? More even tempered? Or less likely to ask for anything? Can she self entertain better than your son?
In any event, if you have a decent relationship with your ex, I would seriously consider sitting down with him and having a REAL heart to heart and find out what's up. What exactly is the problem? And also let him know in real terms what he is doing to his son. (For example, not just say, Oh you're hurting him this way... but note what you said above. This kid is coming to you and asking why dad sees his sister and not him. )
Best of luck to you.. Sorry that you have to be part of that.
Oh my gosh
Is there anyway you can keep both of your children with you? I think that females are sometimes better suited to meet younger children's emotional needs better than males (ok, not always but most of the time).
This is just not like him.....
My ex and I usually have a great relationship with each other. Ex gets along with my DH, DH and I get along with SM, everybody gets along great. And I have NEVER known him to be anything less than a great father. That is why I am completely blown away by this.
BD attends a private school, does good in class for the most part, loves to help around the house, really no issues with her. She seems to be happy living with her dad and SM so I didn't really see any reason to move her.
BS is definitely and mommy/daddy's boy. He is very sensitive to say the least. He throws fits at least a couple of times a day. Other than the sensitivity and the fits, DH and I have no issues with him. I am a stay-at-home mom, so during the week he only has to "compete for attention" with our BD 1 and a half, except for the past two months where BD6 has been here full-time. Apparantely, BS issues are more extreme at his dad's house, to the point that he is now living with me. Ex-H is a roofer and is constantly out of town. Sadly, SM is the one that takes care of the children during their time. He is ALWAYS out of town. Then, he comes back into town for the weekend, and is more concerned with date night with his wife, rather than quality time with his children. I really just don't get it.
I haven't talked to him yet, last night was the finally straw, but I will be talking to him tomorrow. He is picking BD6 up tomorrow for the week. He is planning on taking BS5 out to lunch and to the park. I am half-tempted to send BS to get icecream with DH while Ex-H picks up BD6. I know it sounds bad but I think a couple of hours with his dad will do more harm than good. I don't know.
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
My guess is...
BS is throwing fits because SM is taking care of him and not his Dad:
"Sadly, SM is the one that takes care of the children during their time. He is ALWAYS out of town. Then, he comes back into town for the weekend, and is more concerned with date night with his wife, rather than quality time with his children. I really just don't get it."
It seems cruel to punish him for missing his Dad by not allowing him to go to Dad's house at all. I would really have a strong talk with Dad and say you think it's silly to send your children to his house when he doesn't see them at all. And if he can't take both children, is it really fair to take the daughter and not the son? I think he is causing his son emotional damage. I personally, would tell him you will send the children over to see him only after he agrees to talk to about this issue and come up with a resolution.
Then you could tell both children that Daddy is really busy with work and will come get them when he is not so busy. I don't know how you justify him picking up one child and not the other. That's just mean.
"Evil Stepmothers aren't born, it comes with the territory"
Abigail....
Unfortunately, you are right, it is very mean to allow daddy to pick up one child and not the other.
Unfortunately, I don't have a choice in the matter, yet anyways.
As I stated above, we have joint custody with Ex-H being the primary parent, hence the reason both children were living with him initally. I would love to have both children living with me but that is just not possible, yet. I plan on documenting every visit, phone call, etc. between Ex-H and BS5 for this school year. At the end of the school year I plan on taking him to court and suing for custody of BOTH children. I am just so strapped for cash right now.
All I can do right now is love and comfort BS and let him know how happy we are to have him here with us.
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
I would tell him to get his
I would tell him to get his words together he needs to have a talk with BS5. ExH should not be holding a grudge this long.