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Just wondering......

Kteach109's picture

Submitted by Kteach109 on Thu, 08/20/2009 - 5:56pm

So I was just wondering what is so great about BMs that make our DH/FH do what ever they want just so they "don't make waves". I mean, they must not be so wonderful or they would still be with them and not us right? I just had to ask...:P

Comments

alwaysthemom's picture

Submitted by alwaysthemom on Thu, 08/20/2009 - 10:35pm

apparently DH believes he owes her something just because she bore kids with him. It's ridiculous I know. You can stomp your feet all you want but he won't budge.

Parent, It's a verb, not a noun.

Yvonne35's picture

Submitted by Yvonne35 on Thu, 08/20/2009 - 11:47pm

does everything for his children as if he was still married to his X. He didn't want their lifestyle to change because he was no longer with their mom.

DH still wanted his children to live in the same house they did before divorce.

You gotta think the way he treats his kids with his x, will be the same way he treats his kids he has with you.

Most Evil's picture

Submitted by Most Evil on Fri, 08/21/2009 - 5:55am

If the BM has custody, she can keep them from him or PAS them to where they hate their dad - that's why they tiptoe around the ex! totally related to wanting to see their kids, no special magic any other woman doesn't have Wink
_________________________________________________________
Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale
Her infinite variety.

William Shakespeare, "Antony and Cleopatra", Act 2 scene 2

belleboudeuse's picture

Submitted by belleboudeuse on Fri, 08/21/2009 - 7:39am

In my case, when I met DH he would do pretty much everything BM asked him to do partly because he didn't want to hurt the kids.

But what he has told me is that it was MORE that their relationship dynamic continued to be a lot like it was during their marriage: she would totally go ballistic on him and bully him into doing things, and he would just do them to shut her up. It's clear to me that she got really used to getting her way, and knew that all she would have to do was give signs that she was winding up for a big freak-out, and he would buckle under.

DH has been "cured" of this -- he no longer caves to her now. And he has said that it was a combination of me holding a mirror up to the BM/DH dynamic, and also that once DH got used to me treating him with respect and decency, he realized just how bad BM had always treated him, and he started to get mad and realize that he didn't deserve it.

BB

- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)

Gestalt's picture

Submitted by Gestalt on Fri, 08/21/2009 - 8:58am

the issue just isn't worth making waves about....

"The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change, So that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger, but in wisdom, understanding, and love." -Jennifer Edwards