weve been going by court orders since DH called the cops to file a report that BM wouldnt answer phone/door when we would try to drop off ss after a week of having him. She flipped and is going by court order now which means we get him every other weekend and 2 hrs every thursday.
She called cps on us, we called on her, we got cleared, shes still getting investigated... trying to summarize and say enough to get help...

she included my daughter in her cps report saying that we left her with MIL(who is a known drug user) when we would never do that.

anyway, we have a bday party for my BD who is barely turning 1 on the 24th of this month, and that DOESNT fall on our visitation weekend. We had planned this party before we started going by court order, before we used to just get him whenever we wanted, but it got tot he point where she would just not answer her phone and leave him with us days at a time, and when we would tell her we had to do something, she would tell us to "figure it out."
Anyway...
so everything is paid for (party hall, clowns, balloons, etc.). Its gonna be a big bash, and we REALLY want ss to be there. However, since weve been dealing with all this drama, we dont wanna get at her feet to beg her to have him, because then she will feel like she has control again and get back on her pedestal. but we dont want him to miss his little sisters party.
SS loves BD, he kisses her and hugs her on his own (he is barely 3), and she gets excited just to see him, so we REALLY dont want them to not have each other that day.

We were thinking of talking to her (well just DH, she cant stand the sight of me, and well, ill vomit all over her face if i see her) and having a civil conversation about it telling her that its his sister and we REALLY want them to enjoy that day together.

Shes been nothing but selfish through this and hasnt put ss's interest first, but were secretly hoping that maybe, just MAYBE she will find it in her heart to let us have him.

How should we go about this?
Should we even do it?

Weve attempted swtiching weekends with her and she always just says, "Sorry, go by court order." so she hasnt been reasonable at all, is it even worth it to give her the pleasure of asking so she can just reject us? But then again, I really dont want him to miss his sisters BIG bash.

help?